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"The Sloth Gummy That Got Away" by redken9x9
It started out so pleasant. I was born in Virtupets Space Station– home of my creator, Franky. I never actually met Franky. He was spoken of as a legend among legends, Happiness Faerie impersonator and Beastly Ninja Tax Invader – whatever that means. Anyway, I lived for a short time in one of his most ingenious creations, the prestigious ‘Grundo Factory’. There, I learned the ancient art of holding my breath, sitting stiffly and staring blankly at everyone and everything. I was surrounded by illustrious machinery, glimmering in their rustic awe and dazzling me with their vibrant appeal of abuse and neglect. The workers were gorgeously chiseled and generously blessed with a profound air of apathy and regret. Everything was so beautiful! Since my scores were so high on the ‘Processing’ Exam, I was honored with the Limited Edition Easter packaging rather than the Standard Gold packaging that most of my companions got. When it came time for shipping, I was so happy and bursting with joy – even though I couldn’t show it – I pictured myself running up to one of the Grundos and hugging their ghastly bloodshot little faces like there was no tomorrow! How ironic that was. Sometime later, I arrived at the destination of my future dreams. It smelled barren of human contentment and seemed to possess as its guardian a chubby Chia with a disastrous looking haircut and a curious apron tied about its waist.

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