Return to Sender: A Valentine’s Day Mystery

      “I feel ridiculous,” Detective Greg mumbled, his cheeks turning rosy as if he was wearing Lovely Berry Blush Makeup. Waddleson shook his head left and right and then gave a coo in reassurance.

      It was then that Detective Greg looked down at the checklist Waddleson provided him with earlier that same morning. The top line, in Waddleson’s perfect cursive penmanship, read “Valentine’s Day Agenda” with a list following underneath. Step one, already checked off, was Detective Greg’s favorite item on the itinerary. It was to enjoy his morning espresso, which turned into a double, and now Greg was thinking it should have been a triple.

      Step two was to get ready for his day, which included this ridiculous outfit Waddleson had prepared for him. It took all Detective Greg could muster to not throw his Favorite Fall Trench Coat over this flamboyant jacket and hide it all away.

      Step three was to send a valentine at the Neopian Post Office. The post office was doing a special where everything was provided as a one-stop service. Pets from all over were sending their valentine Neomails there and Waddleson wanted Detective Greg to also participate in the festivity. Detective Greg wished he hadn’t given Waddleson so much power over today, but he did need help in getting out more. He understood Waddleson was just trying to help him as best he could.

      With that positive mindset, Detective Greg did not change his outfit and left for Neopia Central. Waddleson was singing happily as soon as Greg exited the Neohome front door.

      The Neopian Post Office was always busy, but of course it was extra packed on this special occasion. Detective Greg had to squeeze his way through the crowd to get to the Yellow Chia Shopkeeper up at the front desk. On the counter before the Chia laid various stacks of postage stamps, and around the counter was the crowd of customers eagerly awaiting which stamps would be added to the inventory next.

      “Oh good, Greg!” The Elderly Chia Shopkeeper called out, “Am I glad to see you. Are you free for a case? Your suit looks nice, by the way.”

      Detective Greg blushed at that last comment, cleared his throat, and responded back with, “A project to distract me today would be splendid.”

      The Yellow Chia chuckled as he swept all the stamps off the table into a drawer, despite the groan from his audience. “We’ll restock in eight minutes or so,” he retorted back to them, coming around past his counter and hooking a short yellow arm around Detective Greg as he steered him into the adjoining room. “I run my shop 24/7, you think there’d be more understanding of me needing breaks?,” the Chia muttered under his breath.

      Once in the adjacent room, the Yellow Chia Shopkeeper released Greg and returned back to being his normal, jolly self. Detective Greg took in the sights around him. This room had wooden furnishings entirely covered with red, pink, purple, and white Valentine’s stationery. Adorable envelopes hung overhead from pink string garland, tables were cluttered with different cards, washi tapes, stickers, heart confetti, and various writing utensils. Even a pink Giant Huggable Warf plushie was propped up in one corner of the room, its happy yet derpy expression making Greg pucker.

      “This is where today’s magic happens,” the Chia explained, “I’m too busy running the front end of the shop so my Valentine’s customers come in here and handle everything themselves. They can pick their card, write their messages, self-pay for the items by placing their neopoints into my Greedy Kadoatie Piggy Bank, and then place their Neomail into the letter box here to get it sent out. Everything was supposed to run smoothly, but we’ve come across a hiccup.”

      “Oh?” Detective Greg responded, still eyeing up his surroundings.

      “Yes, you see, we are not having any of our valentines go to their proper recipients. Instead, the valentines are being delivered back to the senders with a big “Return to Sender” label on them. I don’t know who is doing this, only I have access to opening my post box, and I haven’t heard of anyone tampering with the box at all today. I’m really at a loss here, Greg.”

      Humming to himself as he mulled the details over, Detective Greg decided to take on the case and bid his Chia cohort farewell as they returned back to the front of their store. Greg heard the eruption of cheers as the Yellow Chia Shopkeeper must have put fresh stamps on the table for his eagerly waiting customers.

           As any proper detective, Detective Greg first wanted to examine the scene of the crime. He studied the decorations, peered under the tables and other available hiding places, shook the piggy bank and listened to the jingle of coins, and finally studied the postal box. This was your usual, run-of-the-mill post box. It was red in color and a cylinder shape with one slit to accept the outgoing mail. It seemed to open manually with a door on the front, but that was locked with the keyhole showing no signs of being tampered with.

      Upon investigating and finding nothing out of the ordinary, Detective Greg moved on to his next approach. He planned to prepare a valentine himself and see if it would make it to its correct destination.

      After scoffing at a pink “I Love You With All Of My Heart Card” that was hanging from the ceiling garland, our Grey Poogle decided on a basic white letter in a powdery pink envelope, sealed with a simple red heart sticker. After thinking who he should address it to, he quickly saw a problem with his first idea. If he sent it to his assistant Waddleson as a sign of appreciation, then the address for both the sender and the recipient would be the same. That wouldn’t work for this experiment, so Detective Greg quickly scrapped that idea for his next.

      He made his letter out to someone who he thought deserved extra appreciation. He addressed it to the Soup Faerie. She was always providing free meals for the poor as well as giving Detective Greg a reason to enjoy a smoothie with her Faerie Quests. The Soup Faerie was more than deserving of something nice on this annual occasion.

      No neomail could be sent anonymously, so Detective Greg scribbled his address in the “sender” section and moved next to the Greedy Kadoatie Piggy Bank. It featured a Mutant Kadoatie looking absolutely feral on top of a glistening pile of gold Neopoints. After putting in the appropriate amount, Greg moseyed his way to the last step in the process: the post box.

      The envelope slipped into the outgoing slot with ease and the “clunk” of it falling on top of other parcels could be heard from the inside. After a final look and a determined nod, Detective Greg exited the room and made his way back to his humble Neohome.

      His agenda today included more activities that he enjoyed. Detective Greg read a few appropriate books for the holiday, including “Lennies in Love” and “Nuts, A Love Story.” These books were beginning to make him wish he had his own special someone, but thankfully Waddleson popped in and out of the room with warm beverages that made Greg feel valued.

      A notification came to let Detective Greg know a Neomail had arrived. Waddleson checked his inbox for him. After Waddleson bustled back into the room with a pink envelope hanging out of his beak, Detective Greg was unsurprised to see it was his own valentine that he had sent. Indeed, a large yellow sticker did say “Return to Sender” across the front of it.

      Detective Greg placed his current reading material onto his side table and got prepared to set off for the Post Office yet again.

      Upon arriving, the Yellow Chia Shopkeeper gave Detective Greg a hearty wave and an exasperated shrug as the Chia still had a large crowd pressed up and around his table. Greg gave him a nod in return and once again squeezed his way into the adjoining room.

      The room appeared the same- a chaos of pink, ruffles, paper, glitter, lace, and hearts. Nothing unusual for the occasion, though. Detective Greg then went to the Postal Box. Not being able to open it, he instinctively kicked at the door and heard jostling, then an angry “mew” from inside. With that, Detective Greg registered who the culprit was and felt he solved his case. He returned with the Yellow Chia Shopkeeper once the elderly pet was able to take his short break time again.

      “So, you’re telling me the proof is inside of the post box?” The Shopkeeper asked, jostling his collection of keys to find the correct one to open the mailbox.

      “Yes, I know exactly what is inside.” Detective Greg said, determined in his resolve. The Chia placed the proper key into the keyhole and gave a twist, unlocking and opening the small door.

      Inside, seated on top of the pile of outgoing letters, was an unamused Kadoatie and a yellow roll of “Return to Sender” stickers.

      “Mewsy!” The Shopkeeper gasped in astonishment. The Kadoatie proceeded to lick its paw and look to the side in nonchalance.

      “Exactly as I surmised,” Detective Greg announced, “Kadoaties are a handful in nature and need plenty of attention. I think yours was a little fed up with you being so busy with your storefront, so it decided to act out like this.”

      The Kadoatie gave a confident “hmph” in agreement.

      “I usually try to bring Mewsy to The Kadoatery on days where I’m super swamped with the shop, but I will admit it has been some time since she’s gotten to go,” the Shopkeeper explained, reaching in and taking his petpet out of the compartment. Mewsy first acted indifferent, but then quickly began to purr and rub her face against his yellow one.

      “I think she needs to feel special, especially on a day like this. I’ll leave you to it, but definitely do something special for her.” Detective Greg said, wrapping up his case and bidding his farewells to the Shopkeeper, Mewsy, and the Post Office.

      Once Detective Greg returned home and back in his armchair with his book, this time “The Mystery of the Shy Shoyru,” a notification arrived in his Inbox yet again. Waddleson hurried into the room with the Neomail, and Detective Greg couldn’t help but lift his frown into a smile. It was a valentine from the Shopkeeper and Mewsy, complete with a picture of the both of them smiling together. Mewsy appeared to have recently been painted with a Valentine Petpet Paint Brush and couldn’t look any happier. Clearing his throat, Detective Greg hurriedly gave the valentine back to Waddleson, while that same pink blush creeped over his face as he tried to bury himself back into his book. Waddleson gave a sly hoot in response before smugly exiting the room.

     Another case solved!

     The End.