The Neo-Market Report

by Sterolab

The Neo-Market Report

Hi and welcome to a special Thanksgiving edition of The Neo-Market Report. Along with bringing you the latest from the floor on this Turkey Day's Eve, our hosts will be joined by Polo Palonnistakis, CEO of the enigmatic Shoyrux Enterprises. And now, here are our hosts Neil Kauvuto and Maria Blumaroono…

KAUVUTO: Hello and welcome to this special edition of The Neo-Market Report. On the day before Thanksgiving, it appears that investors are flurrying to make their final trades before settling into Thanksgiving weekend with their loved ones. Let's join my co-host Maria Blumaroono, who's at the News Desk with the latest word from The Street.

BLUMAROONO: Okay Neil, I've got to tell you this is one of the wildest mornings I've seen on the floor in a long time. In the few hours since the market opened this morning, the Neodaq has jumped a thousand points, vaulting past the 8000 mark about an hour and a half ago. One of the companies that is driving this latest Bull Run is Chiatech Password Security, whose amazing rise in value since the fallout from the "Password scandal" has proven to be one of the most phenomenal turnarounds in the annals of finance. Other notable stocks in this recent upturn include Cybun Electromatics, which appears to finally have regained its footing after taking quite a tumble earlier this month, and Kacheek Telecomm, which has nearly recovered entirely from it's harrowing downward spiral on "Black Thursday."

KAUVUTO: However, as always there are some companies which have been unable to partake in today's good tidings. Among those failing to capitalize on the Bull Run are Neggwork Commerce, which continues its recent slump by posting a loss for the second straight week, and Faerie Clothing Ltd., whose Fall line (inspired by the new Bruce) was met by protests and boos outside Monday's Neopian Fashion Expose.

BLUMAROONO: At this time we are privileged to speak to the mysterious CEO of Shoyrux Enterprises, Polo Palonnistakis. Per the conditions of this interview, Mr. Palonnistakis comes to us today via satellite, with the image scrambled to protect his privacy. Mr. Palonnistakis, can you hear me?

POLO: Yes Maria, I read you loud and clear. And please, call me Polo…

BLUMAROONO: Um, okay…Polo. First, I've got to ask: what's with all the secrecy? I mean, you refuse to be seen in public, and this is your first television "appearance" if you can call it that. Really, what gives?

POLO: Well Maria, you see it's very simple. Shoyrux Enterprises is on the cusp of revolutionizing the world of commerce as we know it. Should my plans come to fruition, the means by which products are distributed to consumers will be changed forever. But alas, such lofty endeavors need to be guarded with the utmost secrecy, for if word of our methods were to leak out to the mainstream press, it would certainly spell the end of all our aspirations and consign our tireless work to the trash heap. And so, the need for absolute secrecy. Do you understand now, my dear?

KAUVUTO: Yeah, I think we've got you there Polo. Neil Kauvuto here…

POLO: Hi, Neil…

KAUVUTO: So how would you assess what's happened on the floor today, and what is your impression of the ways in which this Bull Run might effect the future of your company?

POLO: To be honest with you, the day-to-day travails of your average business has no real impact on the future of Shoyrux. The way I see it, our ascendance will make such trivialities obsolete.

KAUVUTO: So, correct me if I'm wrong... but could Shoyrux's success spell the end of the free market system?

POLO: Well, to some extent, yes. But what you have to understand is that, once Shoyrux's reign over the market has begun, small independent business will continue to sprout up. Let's face it, one thing our success won't eliminate is the spirit of entrepreneurship. So what you'll have is almost like a minor league of small businesses vying to become part of our overarching conglomerate.

BLUMAROONO: So at that point small business owners will have no choice but to join you or perish?

POLO: Oh, come now Maria. You make it sound so harsh. Neopians need to realize that this is for their own good. Our control of the market will allow us to produce in greater bulk and pass the savings on to the consumer. But alas, I have said too much. [Image disconnects; there is nothing but static].

KAUVUTO: Well, you heard it here, folks. Pretty spooky stuff. And that's going to do it for us today. Thank you for joining us this evening, and have a happy Thanksgiving.