Gruundo: Rock Band or Invaders? by scarrift |  |
TYRANNIA - It is madness here at the Tyrannian Concert Hall as the crowd jumps,
bumps and gyrates to the beat of the groovy tunes belting from the grandstand.
No, it is not another electrifying, literally, performance by the Blue Kacheek
Group and, no it is not a loud and livid jamming session by Sticks 'n' Stones.
Nay, the floor on this night belongs to the newest and liveliest band that has
ever graced this side of the planet. I'm talking about Gruundo! Their brochure
says it all: They are loud, they are orange and they come from Kreludor. And
they come true to their word.
For those who are sick and tired of the latest island music fad cultivated
by the Hikalakas then Gruundo is just the thing for you. With their brand of
hard rock with just a dash of punk rock, like Moehawk with a dash of Sticks
'n' Stones, Gruundo is all set to rock this side of Neopia with their Kreludite
electric guitars, metal drums and uber cool pyrotechnics that light up the night
sky like Tyrannian Victory Day.
And that stage is so cool, so real, so out of this world, man.
But underneath all those ripped punk clothes and wild, unkempt hair (which
is weird because Grundos don't have hair) one can't help but wonder if these
stars from the stars really are who they claim to be. In fact who would know
if Gruundo were really invaders from Kreludor in disguise.
Thus I had a chat with a Gruundo spokespet, a certain Marna Kikomeier from
The Shoyru Company, though the building before me was far from 'up to standards',
revealed very little from what was already known.
"The four Grundos that make up Gruundo are, like, really swell Neopets," Miss
Kikomeier the Aisha commented. "They are, like, really into their music and
they just, like, wanna spread their songs to the people of Neopia, to, like,
show Neopians that even their neighbours from Kreludor are, like, talented."
I then asked about the band's backgrounds and was given an equally cheery reply.
"Like, where else would they come from? They're just, like, a bunch of talented
orange Grundos with, like, little to do with all that peace stuff up there.
I mean, like, they're from some very artistic orange Grundo families."
Somehow, this Aisha was beginning to tick me off so I continued with my other
questions. The next one was why Gruundo came here to perform instead of on Kreludor?
"Very simple really," Miss Kikomeier replied gleefully. "They were, like, too
noisy. It's, like, so peaceful up there on Kreludor and the other Grundos, especially
the orange ones, were, like, annoyed with the loud noise asked them to, like,
go someplace else and practice. And here they are!"
Annoying, I know, but I had to press on. So I asked Miss Kikomeier if Gruundo
have any special agenda up their ripped sleeves. She reacted in an, oh so, predictable
way.
"What do you mean 'agenda'? Gruundo has, like, no agenda other than to, like,
spread rock and roll through Neopia. I can't, like, imagine how you'd come up
with that?"
So I reasoned that they might probably be purple Grundos from Kreludor in the
employ of Doctor Frank Sloth disguised as orange Grundos to spread propaganda
on Neopia. Her next response took me by surprise.
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Miss Kikomeier screamed, abandoning her nasal, airhead-wannabe
tone. "GO BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!" I was promptly booted out of the building
by two burly mutant Grundos. My backside hurt for about a day after that.
Anyway, after the disastrous encounter with Miss Kikomeier, I decided to do
my own research with more 'equal minded' people with more even headed temperaments.
My first round of business was, of course, Miss Kikomeier. Not one to hold
a grudge, nevertheless I decided to check on her credentials. True enough I
found out that it was only recently that she went to work for The Shoyru Company.
Her previous site of employment: Virtupets Corp. The commercial branch of Doctor
Sloth's operations.
Then there are the Gruundo themselves. They're a rock band; that I can't deny.
They act like a rock band and they play like a rock band but aren't there others
out there just like them. The afore mentioned Moehawk and Sticks 'n' Stones
are just the only other bands out there and as the saying goes 'two is company
and three is a crowd'. Why would the Tyrannian Concert Hall want to accept another
rock band?
Neopoints, of course. Notice the extravagant cost of the Gruundo tickets. At
1,250 NP each they aren't exactly cheap when compared with the other rock bands,
although I could be mistaken on the price hike. Where is the excess going? According
to my sources (good ones I may point out), besides going into the concert hall
authority's deep pockets, the extra Neopoints have been rumoured to have been
transferred to Doctor Sloth's own little account. And he's using your hard earned
money to make evil clones to take over Neopia!
Well, there's no proof any of this is true but it could be true. Really! Anyway
back to the theories. Remember the orange Grundo conspiracy theory? Well, if
you didn't already know, the Grundos on Kreludor are divided into two groups:
orange and purple. The orange and purples don't like each other that much and
it was this hatred that fuelled the civil war on Kreludor decades ago.
Now it seems the crafty purple Grundos are out to cause trouble for their orange
cousins. I have much evidence about Gruundo being purple spies. As I said, Grundos
don't have hair and though you may say 'come on, everyone can wear a wig can't
they?' but if you look closer you can see that the hair is actually natural.
I mean, how can you make a fake goatee? Unless, of course, it's not just wigs
they're wearing. Haven't you seen those Evil Sloth Clones in their Garoo Elite
disguises?
As I was saying, these purple Grundos in disguise are on a world tour to spread
loud rock and roll and, not only garnering Neopoints for their boss, spreading
bad vibes about the orange Grundos, that the orange Grundos are just slackers,
messy rockers that only know loud music, totally the opposite of their peaceful
practices.
Neopians, if you are reading this, you may be huffing in disbelief at this
but I say it's better to be paranoid, err I mean cautious, of 'Lupes in Babaa
clothing' rather than spot the error too late to stop it. If you don't take
me seriously and say 'hey I love Gruundo and I'm still going to their concerts!'
then so be it. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Of course I may be exaggerating. Maybe they are just rocker Grundos from Kreludor.
No! Must … stay … loyal … to … principals.
You have been warned.
Author's note: Some (okay, most) of the facts stated in the article are totally
fiction. Or are they? You be the judge. Feel free to Neomail me with your comments,
advice and conspiracy theories if you want, at your own risk. You have been warned.
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