Hi

Hi, my name is Tess (or Motey, if you're Jay). I'm an odd cave-dwelling creature (like Gollum, only I haven't been corrupted by the power of a ring created by Sauron) that rarely leaves my cave, if only for necessities such as water and food. Because of this, I have evolved large eyes shielded behind bifocals, pale skin that burns when the sun hits it, duck-like feet, and a short stature to forage for ground-dwelling foods, such as the kind that you can pick outside on bushes. Unfortunately, my nose is often stuffy due to allergies, making the risk of eating poison berries increase tenfold.

Still, my eyesight has increased due to the aforementioned bifocals, helping me spot trouble from afar. Before I had these, the world was but a blur. Now I can conveniently see its vast expanses from behind permanently smudged lenses.

That was a really short paragraph, one with no apparent purpose. Maybe I should start out fresh. You know, turn over a new leaf; one that's not brittle and dry, one that doesn't start wildfires because of peoples' idiocy - WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO SMOKEY THE BEAR???

Yes, this new leaf is a bright green one, nourished by the warm spring rain. It's so full of chlorophyll that it's practically bursting at the seams. This new leaf is but one of many on the tree of life. This tree attracts various forms of fauna, including (but not limited to): hummingbirds, bees (the fuzzy bumblebees like on Winnie the Pooh, not the stupid mean ones that sting you just because you swatted at them), rabid Canadian geese, toads, raccoons, and water buffalo.

Ah yes, what a glorious thing this would be. I hope I'm not losing you here. I know that I'm not really talking about myself, mostly because there's not much to say. Based on this *great* piece of writing here, you could hopefully deduce many things. Of course, you could just read the interest box if you wanted. But this is more entertaining, no?

I feel sorry for whoever may have read this whole thing. In fact, I must apologize. It's only amusing to its deranged writer, and absolutely no one else. Yeah, you see that? Fear my HTML skillz!! I'm almost out of characters.