Obsessed with Hannah, Part II
MARAQUA - Are you still obsessed with Hannah?
A few weeks ago, in Neopian Times issue 167, I had my article Obsessed with
Hannah published. And recently, thanks to Hellbound, I decided that I wasn’t
really finished. We learned some things about her that we didn’t know earlier,
we explored her motives and character a little, and got a laugh or two. But
I hadn’t truly done her justice; it was incomplete. Now, though, with her “Ice
Caves” plot complete, we can truly finish this interview. My first interview
was the potatoes: it was filling, it could be made to be what you wanted to
think it was, and the folks of Meridell liked it. But this is the gravy: it
goes nicely with potatoes, it adds flavor, and it makes asparagus (and the NT)
Little had been heard of since Hannah had finished her battle with the Bringer,
the giant Moehog like demon that had imprisoned the Bori and been summoned by
the thieves. However, there was one clue to her last whereabouts: her traveling
minstrel (who happened to be named Minstrel, imagine that) who recently hosted
a competition to help get him out of the frying pan. I found him at the food-club
providing some not so high-class entertainment. When asking him about Hannah’s
whereabouts, he told me her location, so I quickly found myself on…
…a small boat floating over the ruins of Maraqua. Go figure. Anyways, Hannah
was in a glass bottomed boat that seems to have had ‘Kiko Lake Tours’ scratched
off the side, and was staring down into the depths of the sea. A tank of compressed
air for scuba diving and a snorkel lay on the boat, along with what appeared
to be several empty fishing chests. When I rowed my boat parallel to hers, though,
she moved scurried to my boat and tipped it over, sending me and my quill careening
into the water. When I climbed over to her boat and dragged myself in I noticed
her shouting something, but I was too busy sputtering up water to care. Finally,
after I regained my composure, I whipped out my spare quill and began the interview.
Hannah: Who on earth are you, and what are you doing here? Can’t you see I’m
Me: I’m just your friendly Neopian Times Interviewer. Now I have some questions
Hannah: Oh, I remember you. You were that guy who interviewed me about the
caves and got me all that publicity and… oop (she starts to blush) sorry about
knocking you out of your boat and yelling all that stuff.
Me: Actually, I missed most of that. Out of curiosity, exactly what were you
Hannah (Embarrassed): Well, to put it lightly, I was telling you to go find
your own treasure spot.
Me: Well, keeping with the light mood, what did you mean?
Hannah: I explore caves, right? Well, there are pirate caves. There are ice
caves. There are fairy caves, but that’s not my job. But there are also sea
caves. I’m thinking that I’ll have another job ‘splorin down here. And even
if I don’t get treasure here, there’s always that island of nasty pirates.
Me: What island?
Hannah: Oh, uh, slip of the tongue… (whispering) technically it’s a secret,
since only the NPT should know about it, but I have insider contacts. Scurvy
Island is basically an island with the nasty pirates that are even banished
from Krawk Island. But you didn’t hear it from me… (resumes normal voice) so
like I said, how about that weather, huh?
Me: Hannah, you know we’re in the middle of the ocean. There’s no one for miles;
they aren’t going to over hear you.
Hannah: Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
Me: *Snort* Anyways, what will you do if other pirates try to take over your
Hannah: (Produces pirate scimitar with a mysterious flourish) Arr, I’ll shiver
their timbers! I’ll swab the poop-deck with ‘em.
Hannah: Like that, huh? Aye, avast! Ready ye self!
(I produce a pick up my quill and we begin an epic battle across the boat as
it rocked back and forth. After shouts of “the pen is mightier than the sword!”
and some piratey-like growls and some other things best left unsaid, we drop
to the deck, exhausted from issuing out challenges.)
Me (laughing): I think your last growl really got me…
Hannah: Oh yeah? (Trying hard not to laugh) Well, at least my attacks weren’t
effeminate and weak!
(We soon begin another battle, but I don’t feel like writing out the whole
Me (breathing hard from exhaustion): So you’ve come all the way out here to
try to find some sea caves and steal treasure from other pirates. What will
you do if the NPT disallows you from being out here, yuh know? What if they
freeze you account?
Hannah: Ohh… I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe I should be leaving.
Me: Oh, and as a side thought, what happened to Armin?
Hannah: Well, he’s not exactly fond of water, so he didn’t want to come on
this trip. I left him on the island.
Me: Terror Mountain isn’t exactly what I would call an island. It’s kind of
big, and it’s connected to Tyrannia and all…
Hannah (laughing): Well, of course not, silly! Snowy Valley isn’t an island
at all! I left him at my house on Krawk Island!
Me: Well, aside from the fact that you can’t build a Neohome on Krawk Island,
that isn’t exactly the place to leave a Bori, is it? I mean, he seems like a
prime target for pirates, with all the treasure he got from the Ice Caves and
how easily the loot could be taken.
Hannah (mortified): *GASP!* You’re right! I’ve got to leave!
At this, Hannah pushes me into my canoe and starts the engine on her boat,
leaving me stranded in the middle of the ocean. Drat. And I never got to ask
her about meeting Snowflake in the Snowy Valley or if I could take her minstrel’s
When I finally got back to Neopia Central, I began my long and perilous quest
to deliver my story through the bowels of Neopia’s printing presses, but that
would take to long, and I might be able to stretch it into a whole ‘nother story.
When I finally got their, my story was accepted (unless you aren’t reading this,
in which case this whole thing is moot. Special thanks to Hellbound, who served
as my inspiration to write again, Snowflake, for accepting this into the times,
and Adam, for releasing the ‘Bleh’ avatar for all of us. Long live King DEATHADDER!