Stand behind yer sheriff Circulation: 190,988,152 Issue: 591 | 19th day of Eating, Y15
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A New Battler


by melina322

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In the eyes of someone who has never stepped into the battledome, never picked up a weapon, never yelled out battle cries and charged at someone, the battle for the obelisk was just absurd.

      At least, that's what I, Tiger the Desert Kougra, thought.

      The only time I stepped into the battledome was just to watch a friend. The only time I pick up a weapon, it's to buy it. The only time I yell battle cries and charge at someone, it's towards my younger brothers about breaking the vase or a window or... something. Breaking something!

      I guess the real battledome is my house.

      Well, all of us were certainly surprised when our owner, who began calling herself Lizzy, told us we were going to go to the battledome.

      A few minutes before that, we were already in the battledome.

      Our house.

      I was sitting on the sofa watching the show. My Baby Kougra brother, Nicky and my Kyrii brother, Prince, started yelling at each other. Kougra, a snow Kougra and somehow became third in the age totem, stepped in, trying to break them up.

      Really, I can't give details. Something about someone eating the last piece of lime jelly, then something about stealing a plushie, then about eating tulips, I DON'T KNOW, I was hardly listening. Next thing, my brothers were all wrestling on the floor. The dinner table was knocked over, the tenth time already. The tables in our house get broken a lot.

      Then the lamp fell over. Another usual broken-by-fights item. Don't ask me how many lamps my owner bought already. It's more than I can count.

      Finally, Lizzy stepped in with groceries. I bet you'd expect her to freak out, but she didn't. You see, my owner's quite used to this behavior. She simply strolled into the kitchen, then emerged holding a lime jelly. She dumped it on the floor and my brothers went crazy, running over to it and devouring it like rabid petpets or something.

      Kougra got up from the floor, rubbing his arm. "Um... whoops," he mumbled softly, his eyes cast down to the floor.

      My owner grunted. "Listen you four, I've decided something."

      My two brothers on the floor looked up and Kougra and I raised an eyebrow. "Uh-oh," we all said in unison.

      When my owner decides something, it's time to run. Enough said.

      "You four are going to participate in the battledome whatchama-callit." My owner crossed her arms.

      My brother scoffed. "Yes, the whatchama-callit. We TOTALLY get what you're referring to."

      Prince glared. He hates sarcasm. Don't ask me when he started hating it. It was maybe a few months ago.

      "The war of the obelisk," my owner informed us. "I think you four could fight, since you fight every day and turn my house into a mess!" she exclaimed.

      "A war... Lizzy, we get into fights. Not WARS," Nicky whined, stamping his small foot.

      "You four get into wars every day."

      "Nuh-uh! Just... well... we call them maximum battles!" Nicky said with a smile.

      My owner grunted. "Come on, lezzgo." She turned, about to go out the front door. Kougra latched onto her leather sleeve. "Lizzy! Come on! We aren't fighters!"

      "Now are. Come on." She yanked her jacket away from his grip and we proceeded to reluctantly follow her out of the house.

      When we arrived at the obelisk, it was total chaos.

      Really, I was surprised no one kicked us out. We got banned from Tyrannia a while ago. Whole other story. Literally. Nicky tells it better, though. Moving on.

      My owner joined the Thieves' Guild. Not because of Kanrik, but because she was always sneaky and sly in real life. I saw her attempt to climb a wall once. Note that I said ATTEMPT.

      My owner handed us numerous weapons. "I got a Bronze Short Sword!" my brother announced, holding it up. "Short, like you," Prince commented and my owner slapped the back of his head, making him yelp. "Enough jokes, just go fight!"

      Prince went up first. An odd-looking Xweetok was in front of him. Prince's eyes went wide. "I'm... I'm fighting a GIRL?!" he yelped.

      The Xweetok charged forward and punched him. Prince fell backwards and the Xweetok resumed punching and kicking him, while the rest of us were laughing on the floor. Even my owner tried keeping in giggles.

      Prince eventually got away. It was a definite defeat. He collapsed at my owner's feet. "Yeah... you did REALLY good," my owner chuckled. Prince glared and pushed her to the ground, then stomped away. I don't know where, but in the back of my mind, I wouldn't be surprised if it was the food shop.

      "Okay, Kougra." My owner motioned towards the battlefield and my brother walked hesitantly forward. He was battling the Smug Philosopher. The Gelert stepped up, book in hand. He chuckled. "Oh, this will be easy. I am much better-looking than you!"

      That got to my brother. "YOU DIE NOW!" Kougra screamed and raised his sword. A few other battlers looked his way. I hid behind my owner, but she whirled around and hid behind me.

      My brother charged forward. He raised his sword. My brothers gasped.

      Then he dropped it and began punching the poor guy.

      "MY FACE! MY WONDERFUL FACE!" the Gelert screeched, but my brother kept on, ranting about how no one was a match for his looks. I sighed heavily. My owner poked her head out from behind my shoulder. "Um... what's he doing?"

      My brother's fight was a victory. He walked over to us with a wide grin. "I beat him," he said. "I know where you got those qualities from..." I glanced at my owner, who hid behind me again. "Tiger, you go."

      I shook my head. "You're not getting me anywhere near those guys! Nicky, you go!"

      Nicky's eyes widened. "Huh-wha?"

      "You're going to play... uh... with him!" Prince pointed at the Rent-A-Brute.

      "Oh... yay!" Nicky grabbed his sword and shield and ran over to the Yurble. He smiled up at the Yurble. "Wanna play with me?" Nicky asked, cuteness on full blast.

      Of course, the guy wasn't going to fall for that. He was a BRUTE, for Fyora's sake!

      "Sure." The Yurble smirked. "Let's play fight!"

      "Okay!" Nicky raised his sword. "I play that with my brothers!" He whacked the Brute with his sword. The Yurble stepped back, stunned. Nicky continued whacking the Yurble, yelling nonsense.

      "Go! Go away, you pest!" the Brute roared.

      Nicky froze, his sword paused in midair.

      "He said the P word," Prince whispered.

      Nicky gets a little... violent when he hears that he's a pest. I called him a pest once. Let's just say that the whole rumor I spread about my broken arm being caused from falling off of a tree... well, it wasn't true. It was from the pes... Nicky!

      Nicky then brought his sword down and whacked the Brute again. Then he escalated to punching, then kicking, then trying to choke the guy. Prince quickly scampered over and pulled Nicky away. Draw. Since trying to choke your opponent because you heard him call you a bad name doesn't really go good with the rulebook...

      Lizzy poked my shoulder. "What?" I turned and noticed two large Grarrls behind her. "Um... yeah?"

      "Weren't you five banned from this place?" one Grarrl asked.

      "No," I mumbled.

      "Well, what about this?" He held up a picture with the word WANTED on the bottom. It was my owner. With a mustache. I looked at her and she tried hiding a black marker behind her back.

      I looked at the Grarrl, then lowered my head. "Okay, okay..." I mumbled. "We admit we--RUN!"

      The five of us dodged the Grarrls, then began the trek home.

      Because, well, I didn't want to be banned from the battle. I could always sneak in with my brothers later.

      Even if we were beginners.

The End

 
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