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5 Reasons Why King Skarl is Better Than King Hagan

by dr_tomoe


Also by agedbeauty

Although I myself am a huge fan of the Haunted Woods, I also find myself a fan of the land of Meridell. Yes, the land of Meridell is a great place to be. It's the home to Illusen the Earth Faerie, a land where rolling cheese down a hill is a sport, Turdle races, and picking dung like berries at the Meri-Acres farm!

But what makes Meridell extra special? It's not the fact that nothing in it can catch on fire, even if you miss the target with a fire arrow in Ultimate Bullseye 2. No, Meridell is a great land because it has a great ruler in King Skarl. After all, he rules everything from Meridell Castle over to the Meri-Acres farm, all the way up until the border with his brother's kingdom, Brightvale.

Yes, two different kingdoms ruled by two brothers. What could be better than that? Well, I'll tell you. It's a lot of things. Simply put, if you were to compare King Skarl to King Hagan, there would be no comparison. King Skarl is the superior king and Meridell is the superior kingdom, no matter how you look at it.

But I'm not just here to make baseless accusations. After all, that's what got me in trouble with Fyora and Sabre-X. No, this time I have reasoning to back up my baseless accusations! So grab your Giant Jeran Plushie and get ready, because here are five reasons why King Skarl is better than King Hagan.

1: His sense of humor is much better.

Stop me if you've heard this one before. What do you do if fierce Peophins has eaten too much tin of olives? Yes, I'm sure you've that joke before, and so has King Skarl. Even with everyone telling him that joke all of the time, he still laughs. But how can he keep laughing at a joke that everyone has heard a million times?

Easy, it's because he can see the humor in the situation itself. Everyone has heard that joke before, and every time someone thinks they're a court jester and tells him that joke, it gets a laugh out of him. King Skarl isn't laughing at the joke; he's laughing at all those out there who still think that joke is funny and keep trying to tell it to him. Now, he could always just growl and shout and get mad and ban that joke forever, but he doesn't. Why? Because he finds it funny to think that there are people out there who think that joke is still funny. So when he laughs at it when you tell him that joke, he's not laughing with you. He's laughing at you. But at least you got the king to laugh.

2: He's smarter than King Hagan.

This you might find shocking, but it's true. Even though King Hagan calls himself the Wise Old King, his brother Skarl is much smarter than he is. Don't believe me? Then allow me to direct your attention to a little game called Biscuit Brigade.

Now, you might be playing as Hagan in this game with Skarl as your opponent, but it's still a testament to how much smarter Skarl is then his brother. Think about it like this. King Hagan is defending his delicious chocolate chip biscuits against the toy soldiers that Skarl is sending to take them. Now while King Hagan has only a few different towers to try and defend himself with, King Skarl is throwing so many different types of soldiers at him that it's amazing. What's even more amazing about it is that Skarl is building and putting them all together in a matter of seconds.

But you might say that might just be when it comes to building things. Hagan has to be smarter because he reads all those books. Well, let me tell you something. I decided to go and give some wisdom to King Hagan. You know what I said? I said, and this is something you can actually tell King Hagan while giving him wisdom: One should never assume that wisdom is equivalent to the intelligence of a green Skeith. And you know what he said? He said he already knew that.

Indeed, King Hagan. Indeed.

3: Two words. Kass Basher.

You gotta hand it to King Skarl. He might be grumpy, but he knows what his peasants want. No, it's not clean drinking water or food that isn't blackened or made out of gruel. It isn't even decent living conditions. No, Skarl knows that a happy kingdom is a peaceful kingdom. What makes people happier than beating up a puppet of Lord Kass with a spiked bat, or even a baguette? Considering how it's the number one game in all of Neopia, not much.

That's another thing that makes King Skarl better than his brother. He knows that the secret to a happy kingdom is bread and circuses. Never mind the Mortog infestations in the wells or that his treasury is filled with all of the people's Neopoints because of his Marrow Tax, or that he eats over ninety percent of all the food in the kingdom. The people of Meridell have just enough food to get by and just enough entertainment to be happy.

Thank you, Kass Basher. You make Meridell possible.

4: His Yooyuball team is better.

Okay, pop quiz. What place did Meridell get in this year's Altador Cup? The answer is third. And what about Brightvale? They tied with Terror Mountain for eleventh. And in previous Altador Cups? Meridell got fifth twice, eighth twice, and eleventh once. And Brightvale? This year was their best with that tie for eleventh. Previous cups had Brightvale come in twelfth twice, thirteenth once, and dead last in Altador Cup 3. If you're wondering why there seems to be one less place for Brightvale when compared to Meridell, that's because in Altador Cup 4, King Hagan kept Team Brightvale from competing.

And people say Skarl is the grumpy old king.

The final reason why King Skarl is better than King Hagan is...

5: He's quite possible the most evil ruler in Neopia... and he's still in the Gallery of Heroes.

Okay, picture this scenario. You rule a peaceful and prosperous kingdom brought about by a magic object. Then, all of a sudden, another kingdom strolls in and steals it, sending your kingdom into ruin. You'd do anything to get it back, right?

Congratulations, you just sided with Lord Darigan after King Skarl and Meridell stole their orb.

But wait, it gets better. Darigan's forces succeeded in getting their orb back, but it didn't restore their kingdom. After that, Darigan was overthrown by Kass, who was much, much worse than Darigan could have been, and attacks Meridell once more. But, while it looked like Kass's forces would be victorious again, Lord Darigan returns, defeats Kass, and saves both Meridell and the Darigan Citadel.

So, there's your history lesson for today. Two great wars in Meridell caused by King Skarl stealing the Orb. Even after all of that, Lord Darigan is still in the Gallery of Evil, while King Skarl is in the Gallery of Heroes.

That's another reason why King Skarl is better. He must have amazingly good publicity to be able to pull that off.

So there you have it. When you celebrate Meridell and all that it brings, remember that it's all possible thanks to King Skarl. So go out and celebrate with some potato counting and smacking a Kass puppet with some bread. But whatever you do, do not get on King Skarl's bad side. The last one who did was a Draik named Valrigard and no one has seen him in years.

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