The Lesser-Known Petpets: Zamillion

MYSTERY ISLAND – Ra, RA, sis boom bah! Did you know that in addition to creating wondrous and mystical objects, the Cooking Pot on Mystery Island also creates hissing sounds reminiscent of a cheerleader? Well, you do know! And look! What’s this that just came out of the Cooking Pot? Why... it’s a Zamillion!

Yes, friends, it’s time, yet again, for another lesser-known Petpet. But alas, this time is special! With all of the previous articles in this pointless series, I have had at least some prior idea as to what the Petpet was. I knew what a Felly was because I had one. Deavers had been a favorite of mine for quite some time before. And Wadjets? Well, Wadjets are just Wadjets. But when I received a suggestion for this week’s LKP, I had absolutely no clue what it was... and so I decided to write an uneducated article about it! This Petpet isn’t just lesser-known... it’s unknown!

As with all LKPs (Lesser-Known Petpets), let’s start with a picture. Last week’s WSS (Weekly Snowflake Shout) was Spanish, and so this week.......a little German flavor! *ahem* Schneeflocke!! Setzen sie die abbildung hier!!

Well, now, that’s quite a robotic little creature, if you ask me. Two blue-glowing antennae. A blue mane-thing. Two silver horns. Two yellow, robotic-ish eyes. An orange beak-thing. A metallic purple jumpsuit from the 70’s. Some funky wings and buttons. Nifty boots. And a swishy tail! Go swishy tail!

Well, I can safely say that this is the most complex Petpet I’ve yet to encounter. Except for when I used to be a therapist and one of my clients was this Babaa with the most messed-up lifestyle ever, but... okay, never mind.

Look at the Zamillion. Anything you notice? It’s futuristic? It’s blue and orange? It’s wearing uber-tight clothes? Those may be true, but look closer! The Zamillion is actually a combination between a Gallion and a... *looks it up*... Zoomik!

+ =

Wow, I feel like such a chemitician (chemistry and math... oh, never mind). Now, as if the Zamillion wasn’t rare and unknown enough, it just so happens that Gallions and Zoomiks cost a pretty Neopoint. If you can get your hands on one of these babies, you can afford to get your hands on a Baby Paintbrush, I’m sure... in which case, you can get your hands on one of these, err... babies.

So, what exactly is the history of the Zamillion? Well, ‘Zamillion’ comes from the Latin word, ‘Zamillion’, which means ‘Unique, but not unique enough to change its real name from its Latin root.’ It can also mean ‘one in a million’, but that’s just not funny, and this is a funny article. :)

The first Zamillion was created when some insane, crazy, sick-minded fool who thought that welding a hot-as-metal Zoomik to a poor, sensitive Gallion would be fun! On a completely unrelated note, I met Number Six this morning for coffee to discuss future plans for Petpet. Almost all Zamillions have the personality of a diva, as said in their description:

“These unusual Petpets love to be the centre of attention and will zoom around and around until they are!”

Now, I thought Hannah the Usul was a primadonna. Oooh boy, was I wrong. I recently encountered a Zamillion, and let me tell you something... they’re got enough pride to fill up the Turmaculus. Speaking of which, funny story happened with the Turmaculus. Well, actually, it was more ‘OMG, Sims just drank fourteen gallons of NeoCola and is running around like a hyperactive lunatic’ funny than ‘OMG, I love Stoney, he’s so cute and funny and cute and smart and cute and witty’ funny. So I won’t tell it.

Now, before you start going off about how you can’t get over how cute and funny the name ‘Zamillion’ is, let’s get out with it. Zamillion is not a number. The Turmaculus doesn’t eat a zamillion Petpets every day. The richest person in Neopia doesn’t have a zamillion Neopoints. A certain music-style doesn’t have a zamillion avatars, but he does have a zamillion stalkers, than you very much. So do we get it? Zamillion. Number. Not the same. And don’t even get me started about the whole googillion thing. That’s just silly.

Okay, so, what unique feature can I have about the Zamillion that I can’t about any other? Well, the Felly got an acrostic poem. The Deaver got a haiku poem. The Wadjet got a freakin’ number analysis. And so... the Zamillion gets a series of limericks! WOO! IRISH PRIDE! *ahem*

The Origin of the Zamillion

There was once a Zoomik with rust,

He would go just so far and then bust!

So he flew over in style

Toward Mystery Isle

And towards the Island Faerie he did trust.

Meanwhile, at the same time,

A Gallion sat in her prime.

“There’s nothing to do,”

She decided, then flew

Towards the isle of jungles and grime.

Now, I know this is not discreet

And I bet you thought they’d meet

But Zoomik hit a tree

And fell into the sea

And the Gallion laughed and said, “Sweet!”

But still, my friends, you wail,

“Oh, what is the point of this tale!?”

It just goes to show

There’s no moral, although

Did you know that the Slugawoo’s a snail?

So you see? That was how the first Zamil— what’s that you say? That poem stunk? Well, I was going to finish it, and give it an actual plot, but now that you’re being a rude little Uni, I’m just not going to. I hope you’re happy. You just ruined everyone’s good time. I have to stop writing this STUPID article now because STUPID you ruined it by STUPID interrupting the STUPID stupid poem. Pssh. Everyone else, check back next week for LKP, and make sure to send in those suggestions. Except for you. Go away. Never come back. You rude interrupter.

No wonder you have no friends.

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Author’s Note: Thanks a lot to monkey_puma for suggesting this week’s Petpet... the Zamillion! (If you didn’t know it was about the Zamillion by now, then I’m afraid I’ll have to resume the act of throwing Hubert’s hot dogs at you. Sorry.)