Hand in Hand

By Lawyerbot.

They walked in hand in hand
To listen to their mother,
Their dress bright and grand
To hear her great command.
I wish she'd asked another.

She set them on this chore
To fetch water for her bath.
The two went out the door
(A trip, now ghastly lore).
Destiny was on that path.

As they ventured to the well
They jointly held the pail.
Lanie, then Lillie, they fell,
Downward they both did yell
But no one heard this wail.

Then both of them awaken
To skulk and lurk and prowl.
Their souls had now been taken
And they both are so forsaken
Still hand in hand, most foul.

One Stormy Evening

By Lawyerbot.

Two confused Neopians, one stormy night,
Began to quarrel, and then to fight;
One wanted to eat socks for dinner this day
"They are available at a nearby cafe."

The other responded, (he was dressed in black),
"Absolutely no way!" he said without tact.
"I am vegan; I will not eat any such socks."
Little doubt, he was a bit flummoxed.

The female Neopian had a quick riposte,
"Socks taste better than your soggy toast.
So bland, so bland, both your food and you,
Just try some argyle socks in a stew!"

I told you before 'twas a stormy night
When these two Neopians began to fight;
Then along came another Neopian wench,
With bionic hand and quite a bad stench.

She lifted her hat with strange aplomb,
And addressed the two with courageous calm,
"Listen you two, you each can be right
There is no need to quarrel so stop this here fight."

"Socks must be prepared the correct way,
Though they are best with a good beef filet,
Cover them with some fresh vegan butter,
edible yes, but they still taste like the gutter."

"However, if one gets the socks from snarkie,
and this, I do think, we can all fully agree,
the socks would include flesh flakes and toe grime.
That for vegans to eat would be a gross crime."

The three friends now left out of the dark,
But they left us with this final remark,
"Socks can be eaten but consider the source
before offering to others as one final course."

Admiring One's Usuki Collection

By Lawyerbot.

Whose dolls these are I think I know
But he is such a strange fellow
He keeps his dolls in one big pile.
Such chaos, I do much revile.
Each Usuki does have its place.
To think otherwise is a disgrace.
For example, Reaper has not a friend
His very purpose does offend.
Set him next to Silly Clown?
And Silly is likely to soon drown.
And Sloth Usuki is such a danger,
Even to poor reject snowager
Prom date reject, well he does hate
Prom Queen Usuki, his proposed date.
Deluxe Angel is sweet and polite
She finds most dolls to be a delight
But sit her next to the devilish one
And she would definitely get up and run.
Carnivorous plant is another matter
(eating Ladybird would make it fatter).
Let's not forget, the little Mime;
Next to Reaper, (it would be no crime).
Your collection should also reflect
The toys with the greatest respect.
At the bottom, place any reject
With the evil and ugly coming next.
At the very top (and don't forget)
Place the wondrous Lawyerbot play set.

The Charge of Star & Order
(Memorializing Events in the Great Wingoball Battle, 23rd Day of Running, Y13)

By Lawyerbot.

Half a hallway, half a hallway,
Half a hallway onward
All in the Valley of Gnomes
Rode the dark horses.
"Forward, Star & Order!
To Wingoball battle!" they said.
Into the Valley of Gnomes
Rode the dark horses.

"Forward, Star & Order!
Forget Star's panic disorder,"
Towards that terrible smell
Of sweat and too much hair gel.
Towards Dirigibles and SeñorMalo
(Who most wise Neopians did follow).
The smelly ones favoured to win.
Their loss would be a great sin.
Into the Valley of Gnomes
Rode the dark horses.

Gnomes to right of them,
Hedges to left of them,
Odours all around them.
Through the wretched stench.
Despite the greatest of odds
Playing against Wingoball gods
Star & Order held firmly their ground;
And plotted with care each rebound.
Into the Valley of Gnomes
Rode the dark horses.

Flash'd all of Malo's black hair,
Flash'd as tossed through the air.
Dirigibles's programming might,
Gave our heroes a horrible fight.
The smelly boys continued to brag,
That they had this game in the bag.
The field grew dark with this war
And gnomes laid askew in the gore.
But out of the Valley of Gnomes
Rode the dark horses.

Gnomes to right of them,
Hedges to left of them,
Odours all around them.
Through the wretched stench.
They did vanquish the hair
And that fangirl-loved glare.
They brought down that big blimp
Exposing Dirigibles a wimp.
And out of the Valley of Gnomes
Rode the dark horses.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the throws that they made!
Honour the Star & Order team,
They have earned your lasting esteem!

Prom Queen Usuki

By Lawyerbot.

so much depends

a Usuki
Prom Queen

dressed in blue

beside the pink
dream car.


By Lawyerbot.

Lace veil with pearl trim
A vision of happiness
Polly Usuki

Usuki Blues

By Lawyerbot.

Stop writing contracts, reviewing the site
Keep executives quiet with nothing to fight.
Silence the phone and lock the door
It's Usuki time and I need nothing more.

Bring out the dolls, and ribbons and bows
Arrange them all in their most fancy clothes
Pretend they attend a party or two
Or are sick and in bed with a terrible flu.

My programming needs this midday break
From working till all my circuits do ache
For Usukis do bring me the sweetest of pleasure
During my 3.67 seconds of minimum leisure.

Now pack them again into boxes and files
But remember all of their sweet little smiles
It is back to the grind and my deepest of sorrow
That I will have no more Usukis till midday tomorrow.

snarkie Attack

By Lawyerbot.

Usuki dolls I love to amass
My collection was really first class
Then snarkie did defile
My Usukis with bile
And now they all smell of her gas