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The Prankster’s Tool Bag


by tylerhuyser

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Has the latest April Fool’s Day shenanigan, pulled by the tricksters on The Neopets Team, inspired YOU to take up the art of pranking?

     

     The journey to attaining the rank of Master Prankster is not for the faint of heart. Becoming a pranking aficionado requires many years of patience, practice, and perseverance. However, with the right tool bag and mindset, even YOU can learn the ways of prankery (i.e., the craft of pranking).

     

     My name is Xenia, and I am Neopia’s sole Master-rank prankster. I have compiled a list of eight of the most essential items that every aspiring prankster needs to include in their tool bag. I suggest you take notes because when the pranking gets rough, you’d be remiss without one of these costumes, gags, or trinkets at the ready!

     

     8. Hissi Finger Trap

     

     Ahh, yes, the Hissi Finger Trap. In my amateur pranking years, the Hissi Finger Trap was one of the devices I most frequently used to enrich my pranks. While on the surface, it might seem like nothing more than a simple gag, in actuality, it is a tool that can be used to embolden even the most elaborate of pranks. For, you see, the Hissi Finger Trap has the ability to render the prankee (i.e., the unsuspecting individual or individuals being pranked) immobile.

     

     I recall one time I was able to trap Kings Skarl and Hagan with my Hissi Finger Trap and declare peace between Meridell and Brightvale for just one day! Needless to say, the Grumpy Old King became quite grumpier after that…

     

     7. Purple Sticky Hand

     

     The Purple Sticky Hand stretches like rubber and sticks like glue. The possibilities with this thing are endless. For example, once I used a Purple Sticky Hand to swipe the Library Faerie’s keys. That night, I snuck into the library and changed all the answers to the next day’s crossword puzzle to my name, “Xenia”. I’ll never forget the livid expression on Queen Fyora’s face as I swooped away from the castle, cackling on my broomstick!

     

     Oh, and the most important thing about this item is to keep it away from any long hair or fur. Trust me, if it gets stuck in your luscious lochs, the only way to get it out is by paying a visit to the grooming parlour. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!

     

     6. Imposter Apple

     

     One of the fundamental rules of pranksterdom is that a prankster NEVER gets pranked.

     

     I am sure that many of you are familiar with a certain (admittedly dapper) Green Gnorbu who has been wandering around the Haunted Woods. He has a reputation for inviting Neopians to bob for apples in his dingy barrel. The allure? The promise of a rare and exclusive avatar. However, when these unsuspecting Neopians dunk their heads into the murky waters of his barrel, the only “prize” they receive is a wormy apple, a mild case of Blurred Vision, and disappointment.

     

     What if I told you that there is a way to prank this pesky carny? "How?" you ask. With a taste of his own medicine. Simply carry an Imposter Apple in your inventory at all times. The next time you bob, let the imitation apple fall into the murky water. Voila! The avatar will be yours—saving you time, dignity, and, in all likelihood, a trip to the Neopian Pharmacy.

     

     5. Rotten Egg Stink Bomb

     

     The Rotten Egg Stink Bomb is one of the nastier gags listed on this roster. Needless to say, when detonated, the Rotten Egg Stink Bomb unleashes the putrid odour of rotten eggs, which can serve as the perfect distraction with which to orchestrate more devious pranks, such as pilfery, pokery, or even punnery.

     

     My only advice would be to avoid using one of these bad boys in Tyrannia. One time, I set one of these things off in the Tyrannian Concert Hall. I was hoping to clear out the dance floor and enjoy a private show with my favourite band in all of Neopia: Wok Til You Drop (I am a Wocky, by the way). I covered my nose when I pulled the pin, but even as the noxious gases spewed across the dance floor, nobody seemed to notice. Apparently, with the Giant Omelette nearby, everyone was already used to the smell of rotten eggs…

     

     You see, I share my mistakes so that you can learn from them. Aren’t I just the best?

     

     4. Zeenana Peel

     

     There isn’t much to explain about the Zeenana Peel. Simply set it up as the perfect trap with which to trip up your target(s). It can stand on its own as a hilarious prank. However, it can also serve as the perfect pitfall with which to complete a dastardly escape.

     

     It was only a few years ago that I sought to prank the Kiko Lake Team following their Altador Cup win. I swiped the Cup directly out of the hands of Poke Cellers, Team Captain. As I ran to my broom to escape, the team was hot on my tail in pursuit. Luckily, some cleverly placed Zeenana Peels tripped up Poke's teammates, allowing me to reach my broom and fly away. While many of you may think that stealing their trophy might have been a bit extreme, I say that it serves them right after all of those donations that they certainly HAVEN'T swiped from my inventory...

     

     3. Completely Non-Lethal Sandwich

     Do you know anyone, perhaps a friend, colleague, or coworker, who always seems to agree with you? They know what you think, but you know very little about what they truly think. It is important for any Master-rank Prankster to understand if they have a “yes man," “yes woman," or “yes person” on their hands.

     

     The solution is to invite them over to dinner and serve them a Completely Non-Lethal Sandwich. Within minutes, you will know if they can be trusted. If they speak up and call you out on your admittedly awful cooking, you know that you’ve found someone you can trust. If they don’t, they may be stunned for a day or two, but at least the sandwich is totally NOT deadly.

     

     2. Pant Devil Attractor

     

     Again, one of the fundamental rules of pranksterdom is that a prankster NEVER gets pranked. And believe me, getting robbed by the Pant Devil most certainly classifies as getting pranked.

     

     There is nothing worse than when there’s a crowd assembled and you’re ready to pull the pin on your Rotten Stink Bomb, only to find that the item has been swiped from your tool bag. What’s worse is that your Purple Sticky Hand has been nabbed too! So you can’t even swipe it back when you’ve tracked down that greedy ghoul.

     

     The Pant Devil Attractor is a handy little trinket that diverts the Pant Devil’s attention when he’s about to strike. I always wear two, sometimes three, around my neck at all times, just to be extra sure that the Pant Devil’s grimy little hands stay far away from my precious tool bag.

     

     1. Xenia, Master Prankster (NeoCard)

     

     If you want to be the best, you have to think like the best.

     

     Now, I know what you’re thinking. I purposely included the NeoCard celebrating me because I wanted to immortalize my reputation. After all, across Neopia, I was renowned (and feared) by zipping around on my broomstick and pranking unsuspecting Neopians left and right.

     

     However, the reason I implore you to carry around this card at all times does not stem from my own vanity. The reason is quite simple: inspiration. Always keep this card in your back pocket because when your journey towards becoming a Master-rank prankster gets tough, which it undoubtedly will, look at the card and ask yourself, “What would Xenia do?”

 
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