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The Lonely Cola Machine

by jerryms


KRELUDOR - Far away on a distant moon (a.k.a. really nearby on Kreludor) there sits a mysterious Neocola Machine. Where did it come from? What is its purpose?

Everyone has heard about this mysterious machine, but no one is really sure where it came from. All that is known of this machine is that it accepts strange tokens and dispenses items of such immense doom and destruction that only Sloth himself could be behind such a dastardly contraption. It is also said that those who don't know how to properly use the machine disappear and are never heard from again, though they all seem to leave a nice pile of sludge behind.

But that's all just a rumour. Hogwash, even. Nothing could be that full of doom. If you've got one of those special tokens, why not give it the machine a try and prove the theories wrong? It can't hurt, right? Right?!

Maybe we shall never know where the machine came from. Maybe it is a secret spy device planted by Dr. Sloth himself. Maybe it fell from a distance place. We may never know for sure.

So, you see those tokens people around Neopia have? Those multicolored coins? The ones with sloth, whom you adore. You’ve always wondered what exactly do they do. Do they open locked doors? Or give you a trip to no where? These mysterious coins or tokens you talk about is called a Neocola Token. They average around 13,000 Neopoints for one. These coins are used to work the Neocola Machine on Kreludor, Neopia’s only moon. Neocola Tokens come in three different basic colors: Blue, Red, and Green. If there will ever be other colors, we may never know.

Once you get a hold of a precious Neocola Token, what do you do with it? Will you just leave it in your safety deposit box and let it grow mold? Or will you take a chance and explore the Neocola Machine? If you dare to use the Neocola Machine, click the dreadful onward button at the bottom of the Neocola Machine page.

Which Token do you use?

Which of your valuable tokens are you going to use? Is it going to be the blue one? Or the red one? Maybe the green one. Choose wisely, although whichever one you chose make no difference on the results.

Which Neocola flavor would you like?

Choose from 8 different Neocola flavors. Which one will you choose? Will it be the delightful Dr. Slother? Or maybe the fruitful Diet Doom? Diet Doom sounds so delicious. Na’cho Cola is another choice, maybe it tastes like nachos. We may never find out. Another flavor is smite, which sounds just as good as it’s companions. The fifth flavor is Alt – Tab. Sounds like a nerdy computer drink, perfect for thirsty computers. How can you resist the Neocola Machine when it has a drink like Minion Maid. And how can you live when you haven’t tried Mountain Poo. The thirst quenching Mountain Poo will delight anyone. Lastly, there’s the oxymoron Dehydrated H20. Perfect for anyone doing a lot of running. So pick an awesome flavor from eight enlightening flavors.

How many times to you press the red button?

Lastly, chose how many times do you want to push the magical red button. Will it be 0 because your afraid the button will explode? Are you a scaredy cat and will only push the red button once? Will the button be pushed twice or even THREE whole times. Or maybe you’re the dare devil and will push the button 10 times. Or do you not value your life and push the button non-stop for 42 times? Unfortunately, the button brakes after you press it 42 times so there is no number above 42.

After you have chosen your token, the flavor, and the number of time you want to push the deadly red button, click the evil “continue to your doom…” button at the bottom. Then await your prize.

Your prize may vary from a few items. There are currently 6 known prizes.

1. Kreludan Grundo Slippers- “Orange always goes on the left foot.” What do these slippers do? Nothing much yet. But how can you resist the cute Grundo face stitched in the front? This item averages around 600 Neopoints on the shop wizard.

2. I Club Sloth T-Shirt- “There must have been a mistake on the printers.” How can anyone be a true minion of Dr. Frank Sloth without this collectors t-shirt. Although it would be better with a heart, but the club is still nice. This item is worth about 500 Neopoints.

3. Clockwork Dr. Sloth Toy- “It will attempt to take over the universe…till it winds down.” Such an adorable toy and a perfect addition to your collection of clockwork toys. This item is worth about 800 Neopoints.

4. Plastic Ring of Sloth- “All the evil in the world is contained in this tacky plastic ring.” Such an awesome plastic ring for your neopet to play with. Although there is no conventional use for this ring, it is still a nice addition to any toy collection. This item is worth about 800 Neopoints.

5. Kreludan Space Ship Key Ring- “Keep your key safe and sound with this cute space ship.” This Kreludan Space Ship Key Ring is the perfect souvenir to prove to your friends that you have been to Kreludor. This item costs an average of 1000 Neopoints.

6. Baby Space Fungus- “It will grow really, REALLY big eventually.” How can you resist this cute baby fungus? One of the best prizes from the Neocola machine. Rarity 101 and an average of 110,000 Neopoints. If you get this, it make the Neocola machine worth the trouble.

All in all, the Neocola machine is similar to the Alien Vending Machine, only a lot more evil. Where this mysterious machine came from, we may never know, but one thing is for sure, it sure is a lot of fun to use it.

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