Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 197,410,267 Issue: 980 | 7th day of Eating, Y25
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

TITLE: Eight Tips To Know You Haven’t Gone Crazy!!1!


by pikachu315111

--------

IT’S NOT JUST YOU! The world has become much more stressful. Having to wait in global traffic to do all the Dailies, Quest Givers acting more impatient even though they still give you the same amount of time to finish the quest as yesteryear, and who knows if that expensive item you’re saving for a rainy day may get widely released sinking both its value and your payday. All of this can make you feel like Neopia is spinning in the opposite direction. But fear not, this is all normal. Just sit back, relax, eat a banana, and read these:

     Eight Tips To Know You Haven’t Gone Crazy!i!!

     

     Some days it feels like this,

     And sometimes it feels like today?

     1. You’re walking on solid ground.

     Tap the floor with your feet. Did it move? No? Then let’s move on! ... Unless it did move. No, that doesn’t mean you’re crazy, but it MIGHT mean you’re in quick sand. SO MOVE! Not in quick sand anymore? Good, tap the ground again? Solid yet? If still no, try another spot. And another spot. And another spot. Just keep trying spots until you find one that is solid. And that is ground. Watch that banana peel, you can’t tap the floor if you’re on your back. Well, you can, with your hands, but you don’t walk on your hands and juggle with your feet. That would be crazy. So get right back up. THERE! Where you’re standing NOW. It’s solid ground! Congratulations, let’s move onto the next letter.

     

     Two. The sky is blue, the grass is green.

     Everything is its right colour. Unless it’s night of course, in which case the sky is black with white dots all over it. Grass is still green of course, though maybe a darker shade of green. Then again both the sky and the grass could have a red-orange hue if it’s the afternoon and the sun is setting. And I’m assuming by you there’s grass to even be looking at. You may be on a brown dirt road or in an urban area where the floor is gray & yellow from all the gravel and banana peels. You know what, how about this instead: is the sky green and the grass blue (if there’s no grass nearby find some, check its colour, and continue reading)? If yes, than you’re sane. Wait, no, I got that reversed: if no, than you’re crazy. Or you’re upside down.

     

     Delta. You have the support of your family and friends.

     Still feel uneasy? Talk with your family and friends about it, they’ll probably tell you it’s alright as they’re feeling the same way too. Unless they’re crazy, in which case you’d want them to disagree with you. Which doesn’t exactly prove you’re not crazy, just a different crazy from them. And if that’s the case you may not want them to disagree, because if they’re crazy and disagreeing with you that could mean you’re even crazier than they are! So make sure whoever you’re talking to isn’t crazy. Or only half crazy, and make sure the half that agrees with you is the non-crazy half. And if you don’t know who’s crazy or not, give them a test. Have them solve a puzzle like how many seconds does it take for the Snowager’s ice breath to hit someone distracted by a bundle of bananas? And while they’re figuring that out, relax and enjoy yourself a bundle of bananas, just be sure to watch out for the Snowager’s icy breath.

     

     VI. Have you experienced any déjà vu?

     Déjà vu is when you think you’ve experienced something twice in exactly the same way. That’s not to say something can’t happen twice in exactly the same way, we all have things we do daily in the same way. In fact for some things it’ll be stranger if you did something the same way but it resulted in something different, like if you peel a banana to eat it but instead it tries to eat you! So if something happens twice the same way but it’s supposed to than you’re fine, but if something happens twice differently but it’s still supposed to than you’re also fine, but anything else outside of that is déjà vu. Have you experienced any déjà vu?

     

     101. Do You Feel Crazy?

     

     *You see a Banana Sword on the ground and start reaching for it*

     Uh uh.

     *I point a Focus of Imminent Destruction right at you*

     

     I know what you're thinking. “Are we at 6 PM NST or still at 5”? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I lost track myself. But being this is a Focus of Imminent Destruction, the most powerful weapon in the Hidden Tower and would blow your HP TO ZERO if it’s in its working hours, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel crazy"? Well, do ya, banana? ... Good.

     *Picks up Banana Sword and proceeds to eat it with ice cream, chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top*

     Let’s move on.

     IV. Have you experienced any déjà vu?

     Déjà vu is when you think you’ve experienced something twice in exactly the same way. That’s not to say something can’t happen twice in exactly the same way, we all have things we do daily in the same way. In fact for some things it’ll be stranger if you did something the same way but it resulted in something different, like if you peel a banana to eat it but instead it tries to eat you! So if something happens twice the same way but it’s supposed to than you’re fine, but if something happens twice differently but it’s still supposed to than you’re also fine, but anything else outside of that is déjà vu. Have you experienced any déjà vu?

     

     %. Do meditation and breathing exercises.

     Stress is as much physical as it is mental; a worried minds leads to a tense body. So loosen yourself up! No, you won’t need a wrench, unless you’re a Robot Neopet, in which case remember: left loosey & righty tighty. All you need is yourself (and maybe a soft mat if you’re on a hard and/or uneven floor) and some place quiet (or someplace where all sounds around you sound muffled like when you put your fingers in your ears and go “blah blah blah not listening!”). First, meditation. Sit down cross legged, straighten your body, put your hands together, and say “rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub”! Actually, you only do that last part if you’re eating. Ignore it (unless you are eating, in which case say it and finish your meal before continuing). Second, concentrate on your breathing. Inhale. Hold for one, two, three. Exhale. Hold for one, two three. Inhale. One, two, three. Exhale. One, two, three. If you need visual aid, imagine a Banana Achyfi can inflating when you inhale and compressing when you exhale. Inhale. One, two, three. Exhale. One, two, three, cha-cha-cha. Turn Right! One step, two step, three step, cha-cha-cha! Take it away dancing Achyfi cans!

     

     B. Banana Banana Banana.

     Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana Banana.

     

     Well, if that last tip doesn’t convince you’re not crazy I don’t know what does! And there you have it, unquestionable proof you aren’t crazy. WARNING: Following tips only used for craziness. They will not help you from being batty, bonkers, cuckoo, flipped out, foolish, freaked out, goofy, half-baked, insane, kooky, ludicrous, mad, maniacal, nuts, out of one’s mind, preposterous, ridiculous, silly, wacky, unwound, zany, or any other way one may describe their current level of mental unease. Because, the truth is, we’re all a little crazy, and it’s perfectly normal. If there is one actual tip I can give, its find one or a few things which give you peace of mind and make time to do them. You matter, and you should take the time you need to help be the best you can be. At the very least don’t take things too literally like me and go BANANAS for APRIL FOOLS!

     

     

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Mynci Business
Some things aren't important to remember

by the_creator12345

---------

RIP: A New Look
Valentine is an appealing color...

by peanutbuttermilk

---------

Banana banana [Puzzle]
"How many times can you find the word 'banana'?" Collab with krowkano

by romina_r

---------

"A Vegetable Soup Recipe for Neopets Cookbook."
"Now where am I going to get the veggies that I need?"

by kimpossibleluvr



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.