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Food Analysis with A

by annikkiadepp_


For this first edition of my Neopian food critique, I made it my mission to scour Neopia in search of the best desserts to recommend to the Neopian times readers. At the same time, as a food critic and expert in Neopian cuisine, I also made a point to warn you about the desserts you absolutely have to stay away from!

     While some of you may agree with my choices, I understand if you have reservations about specific ingredients. After all, many of these ingredients are only available in Neopia and may not suit everybody’s taste.

     I only ask that you keep an open mind while I walk you through a selected list of desserts of Neopia. I will give each dessert a grade based on overall looks, its flavour and how expensive it is.

     #1: Chocopie Slice


     Have you ever seen a more perfect depiction of pie? Chocopie Slice is literally the image in everybody’s mind when thinking of chocolate pie.

     This delicious slice of heaven is fluffy and perfectly moist. It is prepared with fresh cocoa harvested in a secret location in Mystery Island and Kau Kau Whipped cream (made from Kau Kau Farm Milk and still unreleased in the Neopian market). Eating it will make your Neopet's tummy beg for more!

     And you know the good news? It is dirt cheap. Anybody can afford it, even if they are still visiting the Soup Faerie. So why not treat your Neopets to this culinary marvel?

     The only negative point I can find is that we are only given a slice at a time. Please, TNT, give us a full Chocopie.

     Vote 10/10

     #2 Artichoke Cupcake


     If you are looking to stay healthy but are not ready to give up desserts, here is an option for you. Classified both as healthy and gourmet food, this Artichoke Cupcake provides you with high nutrition and really good flavour.

     If you are wondering about its taste, it is sweet. Weird, right? While usually, Artichoke Cupcakes are savoury, this specific dish combines the artichoke with a pleasant sweet flavour.

     I am not entirely sure how these flavours can coexist, but I have been told that Jhudora knows why. She seems to be particularly fond of this specific dessert and may ask you to retrieve it for her in some quests.

     This cupcake has a chewy texture, and it is garnished with strawberry flakes. Furthermore, the artichoke on the top of it makes it impossible to mistake its main ingredient.

     In the end, the only minus point about this dessert is that it is considerably more expensive than most. Still worth a try, in my humble cuisine expert opinion. Vote 8/10

     #3: Spyder Muffins


     The first question that comes to mind when observing this is: why the plural? I don’t like when they promise me multiple desserts, but it turns out to be only one. It personally left me feeling angry and betrayed, with a rumbling tummy.

     Secondly, don’t let those multiple eyes on the muffin fool you: they are just delicious juicy cranberries.

     This muffin was made to deliberately look scary. However, if you dare to look up close, you will realise that it’s made of delicious ingredients! It has a spongy chocolate base, garnished with vanilla beans here and there. The inside is very soft and made with the best quality ingredients in Neopia.

     I can personally guarantee that no Spyders were harmed in the making of this muffin! Who would want to eat a Spyder, anyway? we’re not Florg.

     All in all, other than being incredibly and surprisingly delicious, this dessert will not burn a hole in your wallet. I definitely recommend it to those interested in eating Gourmet foods.

     Vote 7/10

     #4 Glaring Cheesecake


     Trying to taste this cheesecake left me rather conflicted as I could not get over the angry eye looking at me. Looking into that eye made me think I committed a freezing offence or that I was about to be cursed by Sophie the Swamp Witch. That feeling of impending doom wiped away all my resolve to eat said cheesecake. All my interest went now to figuring out whose eye it was. I didn’t manage to, and I still have no clue to this day: if you fellow readers have any suggestions, mail them to me, please.

     Since I did not dare to taste it, I can only speak about its exterior. It seemed like a creamy lemon cheesecake and smelled of lemon zest. When I poked it with my fork, it revealed a solid base.

     It was indeed tempting, but I knew better than eating the cursed cheesecake! Please, if you are braver than me, do not feed it to your Skeith as it will make it sick.

     This dessert is not particularly rare or expensive, but still looks quite unsettling. Try it if you fancy, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya!

     Vote: 5/10

     #5 Asparagus Chocolate Cupcake


     How is this not in Gross foods? Seriously speaking, this cupcake may be an option if you’re trying to watch your Neopet's weight, or worsen their mood. Otherwise, eating it is just a horrible idea.

     The mix of colours makes it look like a pile of dung (and leaves), and the taste of this cupcake is pungent and bitter. In this case, vegetables and chocolate do NOT mix.

     The only positive point about this dessert is that it is extremely cheap and it is a Gourmet Food (Rarity 90+). So, if you are interested in that trophy, you may have to bite the bullet and feed it to your poor Neopet. Let’s just say…you’re lucky you can’t go to Neopian jail.

     Vote: 0/10

     This was all for this edition of food analysis with A. I decline all responsibilities in case of accidents when tasting the above desserts. Stay tuned for the next analysis and feel free to send suggestions on the category of foods you want me to focus on next. Stay safe, stay full!


     I would like to thank my guild members for providing me some inspiration on items to evaluate. Also, a thank you to jellyneo’s item database for making the process of finding items quicker!


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