The inside scoop on Jelly W-argh! *choke* Circulation: 196,766,106 Issue: 940 | 16th day of Swimming, Y23
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Top 14 Surreal Items to Kickstart Your Collection


by yellowflower7

--------

Neopia is filled with all manner of items that just can’t be explained, from extra dimensional furniture to food that bites back. If you wish to start your own museum of oddities, it might be daunting to figure out where to start! Luckily for all you intrepid collectors of the inexplicable, I’ve combed through the deepest databases of the Space Station, spelunked into the most ancient of slimy tombs, and poured through endless sandy scroll tombs to compile a handy starter list of some of the most surreal artifacts in the land. Are you ready to contemplate the void?

     14. Ghost Meepit Dance Party Ultra Remix (Category: Toy)

     If you ever hear the Hokey Pokey late at night through your walls, you might be privy to a Ghost Meepit dance party going on in the other room. Luckily, you can join in the festivities at any time of day with this mix CD of the spirits’ best hits that will get you grooving into the afterlife. Stay tuned for the spooky sequel album coming out in 483 years.

     13. Strange Growling Box (Category: Toy)

     This perfectly safe and reassuring toy features a lovely, cardboard box with an array of totally non-harmless fangs grinning from the lid. Absolutely not strange or intimidating at all. You can find this bundle of joy at the Neopian Toy Shop amongst all the other lovely wind-up gadgets, puzzles, and doodads. Highly recommended for children of all ages.

      12. Lights in Darkness (Category: Gift)

     A few years ago, jolly Neopians celebrating the winter holidays were surprised to receive this strange item from the Advent Calendar. It appears to be a literally handful of darkness, with twinkling festive lights embedded within. Did someone manage to capture the literal essence of a serene winter night? The specifics are hazy, but it sure is lovely to stare at.

     11. Voidberry (Category: Medieval Food)

     If you’ve ever wandered through Meridell’s fields, you may have stumbled upon this strange berry. It is a deep, deep black colour, with speckles reminiscent of stars. Take a bite though, and you will not be able to find the words to describe the flavour. My best description is that it tastes a little like pumpkin pie with a side of 37 and a hint of chartreuse. You’ll have to try it yourself to know what I’m talking about.

     10. Strange Glowing Disc (Category: Underwater Fishing)

     This illuminated oddity can be found in the depths of the underwater fishing cavern, but only for the most skilled of fishers! You must have a fishing level of 258 to have a chance to snag it. After all, no mere amateurs could possibly hope to understand this item. Who knows what data it holds? Is there even a device that could read it? Perhaps there was a good reason why it was thrown into the watery vortex…

     9. Disturbing Gelatin (Category: Spooky Food)

     One must not gaze lightly upon its terrible visage! When this confection was first discovered, it reportedly caused a mass hysteria event where over 700 Neopians were suddenly afflicted with Blurred Vision, Jitters, and NeoPhobia after viewing it in the evening news report. From its bloodshot eyes to its fiendishly long tongue, this gelatin defies all sensibilities and disturbs even the most stoic of beings!

     8. Dirt Friend (Category: Gift)

     This friendly looking… fellow… mound… thing? ...Is ready to become your buddy and join in on all your adventures! You can find it by sending your petpets down into the Symol Hole. But is it itself a petpet? Doesn’t seem to be. And yet it seems to have some kind of sentience. Best not to think too hard about it, and just give it lots of love.

     7. Plumpy and Balloons (Category: Gift)

     It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Plumpy! And Plumpy is NOT happy to be drifting through the atmosphere! You better watch out, for your bacon is not safe in your kitchen OR in the sky now! Who gave Plumpy such advanced aviation abilities? Or did Plumpy figure this out itself, even without opposable thumbs?

     6. Squidtoothbrushfish (Category: Utility Fish)

     Ah, the mysterious utility fish, equal parts utility and fish. Dental hygiene is important for all, but if this Squidtoothbrushfish was your only toothbrush option, would you put it in your mouth? It is guaranteed for 150 inky uses! If you use it all up though, you’ll have to fish another one up from somewhere. Somehow.

     5. Oppressor Onions (Category: Space Food)

     Bow before these gourmet bulbs! They travel through time and space, oppressing entire planets and bringing new subjects to their very handsome leader! But where do they come from? What is their homeworld like? And how many breath mints would it take to withstand the smell of such a place?

     4. Hoagie Kadoatie (Category: Petpet)

     If you get lucky at the secret Petpet Lab Ray, you might just take home your very own Hoagie Kadoatie! But is it more Kadoatie or more Hoagie? If you boarded it at the Kadoatery, would it ever demand to be fed a hoagie? Let’s leave that moral dilemma up to the Kadoatery feeders.

     3. Singrowlarity Brand Singularity Farm for Kids (Category: Toy)

     Kid tested, parent approved! Now children all over Neopia can grow their very own singularities with this family friendly toy. Just don’t be surprised if you find your living room suddenly transported to the 7th dimension. Not affiliated with Dr. Sloth in any way. Not at all.

     2. Sea Darigans (Category: Darigan Toy)

     Yet another child friendly toy, this lovely tank is full of tiny… um… Darigans. Yes. And they will grow and form their own self sustaining habitat with just a bit of upfront care. One day, they may even wage war on Sea Meridell!

     1. Black Hole Slushie (Category: Slushie)

     Do you wish to taste eternity? You won’t be slurping this slushie, it will slurp you! No one can withstand the gravitational pull of this powerful drink. Many have entered, none have come back to tell of what is truly inside the dark cup.

     I hope this guide serves as a helpful primer as you begin your very own surreal collection! Just remember, if you gaze into the void, the void might very well gaze back. And wink.

     

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

A Big Misunderstanding
He misheard but still did his best!

by pequepanda

---------

Parallel Neo-verses
Why does everyone have a different magma time? Collab with friends_rock2135

by roxanna203

---------

The Chazz - Rumour
SURELY these beings don't exist right..?

by shellshocks

---------

The Struggle is Surreal
Those everyday Apple Bobbing problems

by mousebroker



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.