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All of the Birthday Fun with None of the Calories!

by _brainchild_


---Starring Chessangie the Royalgirl Draik, Chessella the Pastel Draik, Maldice the Stealthy Draik, Walda the Baby Kacheek, and Christine, their owner!---

      Christine: Welcome! It’s that time of year again; Neopets’ birthday is coming up! Of course, Neopets far and wide like to celebrate, preferably by eating cake. However, a few of us refrain from eating cake---

     Walda: WHY?! Who wouldn’t like cake?! Preferably chocolate cake.

     Christine: Because cake is full of sugar and calories. Also, some people are lactose-intolerant. Anyway, I have gathered some birthday-themed items which will allow us to celebrate Neopets’ birthday with none of the calories.


     Maldice: No, you brat.

     Ella: *sigh* No.

     Walda: WAAAAHHHH!!!

     Christine: Ella, take her up to her room.

     Ella: *picks up Walda*

     Walda: *wriggles free*

     Ella: *sighs* Walda, go play on the swingset! *turns to Maldice* Maybe that will keep her occupied.

     Maldice: There is never any punishment for that little beast. That’s why she’s a spoiled brat!

     Ella: I just want her to stop throwing a tantrum. I have to go supervise her while she plays outside. *follows Walda out the door*

     Christine: *sigh* Now that Walda’s tirade is over, here are the items:

      ---10th Birthday Book of Usuki Celebrations---


      Angie: That is, like, such a boring book!

     Maldice: Well, to each their own. *picks up book* This is interesting---

     Christine: *confiscates book* Books in Neopia disappear once you read them! We have to sell that!

     Maldice: Oh... sorry.

     Christine: You read a page or two... Thankfully, that wasn’t enough to make it disappear. What was it about?

     Maldice: It was about a bratty Usul who threw a tantrum at her birthday party because she didn’t get the presents she wanted.

     Angie: Sounds like Walda...

     Maldice: I know. Remember when she threw a tantrum because she didn’t like her Christmas presents? (Issue 851---The True Meaning of the Holiday Season)

     Christine: She did make amends...

     Maldice: But she shouldn’t have thrown a tantrum in the first place.

     Christine: You’re living in the past. Moving on.

      ---10th Birthday Fyora Ballpoint Pen---


     Angie: *grabs pen and writes* Wow, purple ink! Purple is Queen Fyora’s favourite colour.

     Maldice: Wow! I didn’t know that! That’s some serious news to me! *snickers* Of course it’s purple. I’d be surprised if it wasn’t.

     Christine: I ought to draw a portrait of Queen Fyora with this pen. She would love it!

     Maldice: Like she’d ever see it.

     Angie: Maybe she would see it if it got into the Art Gallery. You never know...

     Christine: Let me go get my sketchbook. *picks up sketchbook* What?! NO!!! Someone scribbled all over every page in purple ink! That was a brand-new sketchbook!

     Maldice: *sigh* No prizes for guessing who did THAT. You ought to get her a sketchbook of her own. A cheap one meant for kids.

     Angie: Or a colouring book.

     Christine: She can colour on the backs of the pages she ruined.

     Angie: Then why don’t you use the back side?

     Christine: The ink bled through. I can’t use the pages any longer, but a small child won’t care...

      ---Birthday Celebration Kacheek Plushie---


     Angie: That Kacheek is so cute! I love the hat and balloons.

     Maldice: Speaking of Kacheeks, look who’s back.

     Walda: That swing got boring after a while because Ella got tired of pushing me. *scowls*

     Ella: I’m not a professional child care worker...

     Maldice: You are now! Someone has to take care of the brat---

     Walda: Don’t call me a brat! WAAAAHHHH!!!

     Maldice: You ARE a brat...

     Christine: Enough. *turns to Walda* This is a very cute plushie. It looks just like you!

     Walda: *hugs plushie* It sure does! It’s so soft...


     Maldice: *sigh* It looks like Walda ruined something else now. The balloons popped...

     Walda: IT BROKE!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!

     Maldice: Then don’t be so rough next time.

     Walda: BUY ME A NEW ONE!!! NOW!!!

     Maldice: Not when you ask like THAT! You really ARE a brat...

     Christine: I may have another plushie on hand... *grabs Blue Kacheek Plushie* Here. Compliments of King Altador, whom I visited in the Council Chamber today.

     Walda: *hugs plushie* This one is nice, too!

     Maldice: Do you know how to say “thank you?”

     Walda: Thank you!

     Angie: She really likes it, even though you got it for free, and it’s worth pocket change on the Shop Wizard...

     Christine: I guess a small child doesn’t care whether a plushie costs 20 Neopoints or 20 million Neopoints. As long as it’s fun to play with...

      ---Blue and Gold Neopets 8th Birthday Hat---


      Christine: Is it blue or gold? How about both?

     Maldice: Not that again...

     Ella: Now THAT was a slow news day...

     Christine: Agreed. Anyway, I think everyone can agree on the colours of THIS wearable. It’s very sparkly and colourful, and has curly trim at the top.

     Walda: They need to make it in BABY SIZES! WAAAAHHHH!!!

     Angie: We’ll get you a different hat. Don’t worry.


     Maldice: Too bad. *smirks*

     Walda: You meanie! WAAAAHHHH!!!

     Maldice: You brat!

     Christine: Enough! Stop arguing, you two! Onto the final item.

      ---Rainbow Birthday Blower---


      Christine: This is a rather old item, released all the way back in Year 3. It is very colourful, which is what I would expect from a rainbow item. It makes a loud trumpeting sound when used.

     Walda: *snatches blower and starts using it*


     Maldice: Walda! That is SO annoying! Stop making so much noise!

     Ella: Agreed. I can’t stand it...

     Walda: No party is complete without a good noisemaker!


     Maldice: *snatches blower* This is going straight into the trash can. *tosses blower*

     Walda: *grabs blower out of trash can*

     Maldice: Don’t you dare use that again! That is SO---


     Maldice: ---gross.

     Ella: That is really unsanitary, Walda.

     Maldice: I’ll put an end to this! *grabs blower again and stomps on it*

     Walda: WAAAAHHHH!!! You broke my toy! Big meanie! WAAAAHHHH!!!

     Ella: Play with your new Kacheek plushie instead.

     Walda: Oh, yeah. My new friend. *grabs plushie and hugs it*


      Christine: So, what is everyone’s favourite item?

     Angie: I like the ballpoint pen.

     Ella: I like all of them except for that annoying noisemaker.

     Maldice: I like the Kacheek plushie because it keeps Walda quiet and out of trouble. *smirks*

     Walda: *playing with the Kacheek plushie, off in her own little world*

     Christine: Anyway, if you are seeking to celebrate a birthday with none of the calories, these are some great options. Surely you and your pets will enjoy at least one of them. Happy birthday to Neopets! Let’s celebrate in STYLE!!!

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