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Interview with THE Cheese Maker: Cheeserolling in Meridell


by drgnswor

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Whether you’re a bona fide brie lover or a gouda gobbler or a stringy mozzarella muncher, I think we can all agree that cheese is simply THE BEST. Not only is cheese amazingly scrumptiously delicious, but it can also be a great lot of fun! Food and fun are what it’s all about here at the Cheeseroller game. The Neopian Times is here today in sunny Meridell at the renown cheese rolling hilltop with a very special Blue Techo – The Cheese Maker.

     (The Techo adjusts his little red hat as the camera pans in on him)

     Interviewer:

     Good morning, Mr. Cheese Maker! Tell us, what is cheese rolling?

     The Cheese Maker:

     Cheese rolling is just that! You pick a cheese wheel of your choice and roll it as fast as you can down one of these hills right here. You have 60 seconds max to roll it all the way from top and bottom and each player can try their luck three times a day.

     Interviewer:

     You mentioned picking a cheese wheel of your choice. What are the choices our viewers choose from?

     The Cheese Maker:

     There’s a lot! I can list them all in 60 seconds.

     Interviewer (surprised):

     Just to confirm, that’s exactly how long competitors are given to roll their cheese wheels too, correct?

     (The Cheese Maker cheekily grins and nods)

     Interviewer:

     Okay… 3… 2… 1… GO!!!

     The Cheese Maker (taking in a deep breath):

     Spicy Juppie, Smoked Snorkle, Triple Mustard, Honey Cheese, Big Beefy, Purple Spotted, Brain, Alkenore, Mutated, Bubbling Blueberry, Tyrannian Dung, Quadruple Fudge, Brick, Gooey Snot, Peppermint, Overgrown, Heavy Bark, Warty Blue, Fragrant Ummag, Furry Chocomint, Mummified, Nimmo Tube, Space, Angelpuss, Meaty, Very Stinky, Fishy, Shiny Golden, Stinky Zebie, Overripe, Plaid, Licorice, Darkberry, Rotten and my own personal favourite Potato. Whew!

     Interviewer:

     Impressive, and in record time too – 59.6 seconds!

     The Cheese Maker:

     Told ya I could do it.

     Interviewer:

     What makes Potato your favourite flavour?

     The Cheese Maker (laughing):

     Come on, I’m a proud Meridellian through and through. Of course it has to be the humble Potato! I have a partnership with my buddy farmer Alton from Meri Acres Farm down the road to exchange his wonderful potatoes for my cheese. Cheese and potatoes, absolutely the best combination out there.

     Interviewer:

     What is the most difficult cheese for you to make?

     The Cheese Maker:

     You’d think it’d be one of the stinky or rotten cheese varieties but no, I looooove the smell of cheese – the stronger, the better. The most difficult is definitely the Angelpuss Cheese. You have to be so delicate and precise when making it to get it just right. Every part of it aside from the halo is edible.

     Interviewer:

     Tell us the most memorable thing that happened during a game.

     The Cheese Maker:

     Oooft, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say…

     Interviewer:

     Go on, spill it! Give us the exclusive.

     The Cheese Maker:

     Okay well, here goes. The Neopian we now know as Dr. Sloth today played a game here decades ago when he was a young lad…

     Interviewer:

     Let me guess – he went for the Space Cheese?

     The Cheese Maker:

     Surprisingly not actually. He selected the Purple Spotted Cheese and did quite well with it. 34 seconds! Jhudora was in town that day so I think he wanted to impress a fellow villain. Another notable mention is probably Brucey B. He picked the Mummified Cheese and somehow managed to lose it mid-roll! It just bounced off the hill and completely disappeared. Incredible.

     (Interviewer laughs)

     The Cheese Maker:

     Seriously, the bloke can find The Lost Desert but can’t hang onto a cheese wheel. He’s a great fellow though, real charming and funny too. There’s a theory that he got hungry mid-race and just ate his cheese.

     Interviewer:

     Let’s get to the question I think all of us here really REALLY wants to know. Does the type of cheese wheel make a difference when it comes to winning?

     The Cheese Maker (winking):

     Look, I can’t give too much away, being the gamekeeper and all, but generally the more high quality *cough* expensive *cough* a cheese is, the higher the likelihood it’ll roll faster. I’d say it’s 40% skill, 30% luck, and 30% the choice of cheese. And that’s all I can say about that. But look, all of the cheese wheels have been winners before. Many have won with the amazing red Spicy Juppie Cheese and Smoked Snorkle Cheese at a modest 150 neopoints and 300 neopoints respectively.

     Interviewer:

     Very interesting. How about the possibility of attaining the coveted Cheesy avatar?

     The Cheese Maker:

     That is completely random, as long as you cross the finish line in 60 seconds or less, you have a shot of getting the avatar. It only takes one or two times for some people but more for others. The longest in history is probably a year? It’s completely random but the game is so fun that players don’t mind playing multiple times for the avatar and some come back to play with their friends even after they receive the avatar!

     Interviewer:

     I’ll have to try for myself after this interview. Is that a picture of you on the avatar?

     The Cheese Maker (strikes a pose like the avatar):

     YES! That’s me!! I look so young there, don’t I? They were originally going to use a cheese wheel or some kind of cheese image for the avatar but when they came here for the photoshoot, they were like – you, get in front of the camera. I felt like a superstar that day.

     Interviewer:

     You definitely look great there, sir.

     (Camera zooms in on The Techo Cheese Maker)

     Interviewer:

     Well, thank you so much Mr. Cheese Maker for speaking with me today. I hope our viewers enjoyed today's interview with this upstanding pillar of the Meridellian community and learned a thing or two about cheese and cheeserolling. If you’ve never tried it before, come on down for a game of Cheeseroller. It’s amazing fun for the whole family! Reporting live from The Neopian Times.

 
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