Stand behind yer sheriff Circulation: 196,187,703 Issue: 898 | 17th day of Eating, Y22
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Kismet's "Easy" Job

by lugal222


“I t will be an easy job,” she said, Kismet thought with a groan as he stared at the fourteen swords pointing at his face.

Three weeks ago, Kismet had been approached by an old Lenny. She hid her face, but Kismet could tell she was important; they way the Lenny spoke left no room for argument, so when she told him he was going to steal something for her, Kismet knew he would do exactly what was asked of him. To be fair, she spent the first half of their meeting buttering him up, talking about how he was the best Stealthy Krawk around and telling him about how she had heard of his exploits and was impressed. However, Kismet didn’t think his background of sneaking into places he wasn’t supposed to be and taking photos really qualified him to steal an item for her, but somehow she swayed him and so he found himself here: balancing precariously at the edge of a cliff while fourteen swords, and their owners, were ready to attack him.

“Wait a second”, Kismet said as his eyes narrowed. “That’s not even a sword! It’s a fork” he accused the pirate Bruce who held the “weapon.”

“I assure you, that fork can cause quite a bit of pain. However, let’s focus your attention elsewhere,” a hooded figure at the centre of Kismet’s attackers said. “You should be begging for your life,” he continued. “Or at the very least, you should be explaining why you thought it was a good idea to steal from us.”

“She said it was hers, and it would be simple to just grab it,” Kismet justified with a huff.

“And who is she?” the hooded figure prompted calmly.

“I don’t know her name, but she was a Lenny with white hair,” Kismet said weakly.

“Of course it was her,” the hooded figure said before breaking into laughter. “Let me guess, she kept calling you ‘my dear’ in a somewhat condescending manner?” he finally said after he managed to stop laughing.

“Yes! It was honestly one of the reasons I almost didn’t take the job,” Kismet nodded as he spoke, thankful when the hooded figure began to lower his sword.

Maybe I can distract them enough that I can escape, Kismet thought as he tried to plan a swift exit.

“But I’m sure the Neopoints she offered helped sway you back to her side?” the hooded Neopet asked.

“Well, they didn’t hurt,” Kismet chuckled lightly, trying to discreetly roll his shoulders back.

“And if you had known that she lied, that the item she hired you to steal wasn’t actually hers, would you have still taken the job?”

“Honestly?” Kismet asked with a raised eyebrow. “Ya. It was a lot of money,” he justified as he shrugged his shoulders experimentally.

“And if you had known we were waiting to stop you? Knowing that would you still have taken the job?” the hooded Neopet asked again.

“Yes. That might have made me more willing to take the job actually,” Kismet admitted, shrugging again as the wind blew lightly at the side of his face. Wind needs to be stronger, he thought with an inward grimace.


“Means that it was something worth stealing,” Kismet explained, trying to distract the Neopets staring him down. “I don’t usually steal things, but I apply the same logic to breaking into places. I wouldn’t take photos of myself breaking into the Neolodge because that’s easy, but a photo of myself in Fyora’s Hidden Tower or inside Coltzan’s Shrine? That would be worthwhile.”

“It’s a shame you tried to steal from me. You actually seem like someone I would have liked otherwise,” the hooded Neopet said with a chuckle.

“I think you mean ‘It’s a shame you stole from me,’” Kismet corrected.

“You didn’t succeed,” the hooded figure said, glancing around at the other thirteen Neopets before glancing behind Kismet at the expansive sky and the long drop down.

“I’ll admit I didn’t think anyone would be here. I thought it would be a simple, and boring, sneak in, steal the item, return it to the Lenny woman, for a price, and relax at home for the night kind of job,” Kismet said, continuing to stall as he waited for the perfect wind. “However, I also didn’t expect the chest for the item to be so big, so of course I had to see what it was,” Kismet continued.

“Naturally,” the hooded Neopet conceded with a hand gesture.

“And once I saw it, well,” Kismet gestured at the black, sparkling faerie wings behind him.

“I will admit, most who have attempted to steal them were not smart enough to carry them out that way; most tried to keep them in the chest. One foolish Neopet even tried to attach them to himself before he realized it was impossible,” the hooded Neopet said.

“Impossible?” Kismet asked curiously.

“Yes. The wings won’t attach to just anyone,” he explained. “As the other Neopet found out, right before we caught him.”

“Then why does the Lenny want them?” Kismet pondered aloud.

“She probably thinks she, or her group, can find a way to make them work for then. Or maybe they just want them for the power, who knows. I’ve long since given up on understanding why The Duchess or the Sway does anything,” the hooded Neopet explained with a laugh.

“The Sway?!” Kismet shot the hooded Neopet an assessing look, trying to determine if he was telling the truth.

“You really had no clue?” he replied, confusion lacing his voice. “How did you not recognize her?”

“I guess I didn’t look that closely,” Kismet admitted as the wind began to blow again. “To be honest, I was a little bored and looking for something new to do, so I guess I didn’t question her too much.”

“I suppose I can understand that feeling,” the hooded assailant chuckled.

“How many did she send before me?” Kismet couldn’t help but ask as the wind grew even stronger.

“At least a hundred. I’ll admit that you got farther than all of them.”

“She’ll stop at nothing to get these wings then, won’t she?” The wind continued to blow against Kismet’s side, urging him to action, but he needed the answer from the hooded Neopet whose opinion he seemed to strangely trust.

“I am sure she will continue to send more Neopets to get it if that’s what you mean. Now, enough stalling, hand them over. I’ll admit I like you, so I may even let you go if you hand them over now.”

“You’re right,” Kismet acknowledged. “Enough stalling,” and with those words, Kismet turned and threw himself from the cliff, trusting the wings that had, inexplicably, attached themselves to him the second he had opened the chest. As the strong wings carried Kismet to safety, the hooded figure and his thirteen fellow thieves stared after him.

“You don’t look too shocked,” the Mynci next to the hooded figure said.

“He seemed different from the other she had sent,” he replied with a shrug. “I’m sorry I called you from Terror Mountain, Valin. You can return now.”

“Don’t you want me to retrieve the wings?” Valin asked as he directed a sharp glance at the hooded Neopet.

“No need,” he replied with a grin. “I’ll take care of it myself.”


Kismet sat at a table in the corner, his back to the wall, as he glanced at the door.

“You seem tired,” a Gelert said as he swiftly, but gracefully, sat down across from Kismet.

“How did you get in here?” Kismet asked, nervously glancing around as if he expected more Neopets to arrive.

“I have my ways,” the Gelert replied calmly. “But I was not kidding: you look exhausted.”

“That’s what happens when you have to constantly be looking over your shoulder,” Kismet admitted with a sigh.

“You didn’t give them to the Elderly Lenny, did you?” the Gelert asked with a slight head tilt.

“You’re the hooded Neopet, aren’t you?” Kismet replied with a question of his own.

“My guild is not searching for you, so the only reason you have for continually changing location is if the Sway are searching for you,” the Gelert reasoned aloud.

“I can’t get them off,” Kismet confessed as he dropped his head into his hands.

“The wings?” the Gelert whispered after glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

“She wants them, but I can’t give them to her,” Kismet said forlornly.

“So come back with me,” the Gelert said as he stood.

“Can you get them off of me?” Kismet asked hopefully.

“No,” the Gelert said, offering his hand to Kismet, “but I can train you so you will become stealthy enough to hide from the Sway or strong enough to fight them. The choice is yours though. If you don’t want my help, I’ll leave now and I promise you that neither I nor my guild will ever look for you again,” the Gelert promised.

Kismet stared at the hand in front of his face.

“You said you were bored before. I can promise you, with me and my guild, you’ll never grow bored again,” the Gelert prompted one final time.

Kismet sighed deeply before placing his hand in the Gelert’s and allowing the Gelert to pull him from the seat.

“This will be the start of a great friendship,” the Gelert said with a grin and, even though he was exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open, Kismet couldn’t help but smile in response.

“Just don’t have your men hold me at fork-point anymore,” Kismet said with a chuckle.

“I told you before, that fork is no joke,” the Gelert replied with a slight shudder as they exited the building and disappeared from everyone’s sight, never to be seen again, unless, of course, they wanted to be.

The End.

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