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Some Rooblah with Gooblah

by monarchistknight


KRAWK ISLAND - One day, I was busy cleaning the underside of my Kyrii’s Feepit’s foot (Unity is SO doing that job tomorrow! Bleh!) when a thought occurred to me. Then, it left. I know; I have the memory of a Goldy. It’s genetic. Or hereditary. I forget which.

Anyway, after I had finished cleaning Snowmonk I left for my job as a researcher at the Random Number Survey Society (A.K.A. 1236123). I opened my door and sat at the comfortable chair behind my desk. Aha! Was that a new assignment sitting in the envelope in front of me? Hopefully, it was more thought provoking than finding fifty uses for the Blurf.

I opened it and saw the following message:

Dear Hopeless Author,

Your Neopian Times submission (How to Get Into the Neopian Times) was rejected because it downright stunk like the underside of your Kyrii’s Feepit’s foot. Don’t even bother trying again next week, as we are trying to keep Felicia’s stay at the asylum as short as humanly possible.

Yours Sincerely,

The Neopets Team

I sighed a deep sigh, crumpled the paper, and threw it into my papier-mâché basket. I’d use it later to construct a ten-foot statue of a Mynci eating a Blurf made entirely out of rejection letters. If that doesn’t get me into the Mynci Book of World Records, nothing will!

Afterwards, I heard a knock on the door. “Come in!” I shouted.

It was the president of 45398, Thaddeus Amadeus Quiggle. “Hello, Monarchistday,” he said, walking into my office.

“It’s knight,” I corrected. Thaddeus was an absent-minded fellow, or as I would say, has a worse memory than me.

“I just wanted to say I was very pleased with your report on Blurfs, and will like you to take on a new challenge. I need some Rooblah from Gooblah. Can you get me some?” the Quiggle asked. It was a strange sight. The no-nonsense Quiggle in his jet-black business suit asking me for the most ridiculous thing.

“Uhh, sure, but what’s Rooblah? And what’s Gooblah?” I asked, hoping it was not a stupid question.

Thaddeus stared straight at me. “That is for you to find out and for me to know.” He walked out with an air of leadership as he left the room.

After he had left, I thought very deeply about what he had said. There was this Gooblah in this game on this island. What was it... oh yeah, Krawk Island Food Club. Now, what is Rooblah? I looked at the two separate parts of the word. Ro and oblah. Obviously, that was not right. Roo and blah seemed to be it. Roo must be like Blumaroo and Blah must be like my Tonu talking. Roo and Blah. Rooblah. He wants me to record a conversation between a Blumaroo and Gooblah the Grarrl. Aren’t I smart?

This had to be the right thing, as 1293172 was always trying to be the first to do stuff and, seriously, when was the last time you read and article about Gooblah being interviewed by a Blumaroo, or anything with Gooblah in it for that matter.

I left for Krawk Island on the first boat (appropriately named the S.S. Vernax Food), and soon arrived on the island. The smell of salt and unwashed pirates hung heavy in the air. And I thought the air quality in my Plushie Tycoon factory was bad.

I walked to the Food Club and entered the shack. Several pirates were watching a match-up between this young Bruce with a wooden sword and this Tuskaninny in raggy clothes. They probably had fierce pirate names, but I didn’t know what they were. The two other people had obviously dropped out as I could see multi-colored stains on the table in front of two empty chairs.

I searched the area for Gooblah until I found him at the Lagoon Arena. The match was about to begin. Thankfully, they were all wearing nametags. The opponents were Buck Cutlass (9:1 odds), Peg Leg Percival (13:1 odds), and Bonnie Pip Culliford(9:1 odds). Gooblah had 2:1 odds of winning the match. Now, if the laws of mathematics are still working, 2:1 odds are much better than 9:1 odds, so I bet even a Plushie Rock could guess who I bet for.

After Bonnie, Buck, and Peg Leg were escorted to Harpoon Harry’s for some recovery time and I won 1,344 NP, I stayed behind to talk with Gooblah. Of course, I needed a Blumaroo. I checked my inventory. No Blumaroo on hand and the Food Club Blumaroos all seemed to be in some other arena. So, I did the most sensible thing.

MK: Gooblah, this is my friend, Cornelius the Invisible Blumaroo. He doesn’t speak Neopian, but he’s a big fan of yours and he wants to interview you. What do you say?

Gooblah: Wow! Me first encounter wit’ an Invisible pet! How be’s ye?

MK (in squeaky voice): Oh, I’m fine! I just wanted to ask you about certain things that relate to you. Yeah. (Thinking: That made no sense...)

Gooblah: Aye! Sure, me messmate! What be your first question?

MK (in same voice as earlier): So, I hear you have the best win percentage of all competitors and are always the heavy favorite to win. What do you have to say about that and how did you get so good?

Gooblah: Oh, heh, not t’ brag, but I’m very happy! I truly am the best chuffer here! ‘Twas all just hard work and eatin’ a lot o’ food, really, messmate. That and an expired membership at t’ Gourmet Food Club, but we can talk about that tale another day. Ye could be t’ best out there too if ye tried!

MK (let’s just assume that since I’m trying to fool this Grarrl whose brain is a third the size of his stomach that I’m a Invisible Blumaroo, that I’m always talking in this squeaky voice. Okay? Thank you. And let’s also pretend that Gooblah talks perfect Neopian as it is frustratingly hard to write down accents. Double okay? Double thank you.) : That must have been a LOT of hard work! I also hear that some of Neopia’s more stylish denizens, some of whom are Dr. Sloth, Count Von Roo, Branston, Lord Kass and the Clothing Shop Uni, have been criticizing your sense of style. King Skarl also says that, but he’s not stylish, so you can ignore his complaints. What do you have to say to them?

Gooblah: Well, to that I say, what you wear doesn’t matter when you are 199 pounds and have a strength level of 93. Oh, and have gigantic teeth that can rip through a full course meal any day of the week.

MK: Uh-huh. I’ll be sure to tell them when I’m positive I won’t get bludgeoned or something. Another question. I understand why your favorite food is meat, but I heard you are allergic to slushies. Why is that?

Gooblah: I’m not actually allergic to them; it’s just that the plastic makes me kind of sick.

MK (confused): You’re not supposed to eat the plastic, silly! You’re supposed to drink the slush. You don’t eat the cup!

Gooblah (wide-eyed): Really? I’ll be sure to remember that for my next match. Thanks!

MK (mumbling under his breath): Stupid Grarrl… Anyway! Two questions left! The second best contender, Scurvy Dan the Blade, seems to be getting better. Is there a rivalry between the two of you?

Gooblah: Uh, no not really…

MK: Let’s try this again, Gooblah. Is there a rivalry between you and Scurvy Dan the Blade? *sneaks behind Gooblah and steps on his tail*

Gooblah: OUCH! For an Invisible Blumaroo, you sure do have a hard paw! Okay, yes, there’s a rivalry! A big one! Evil! Scurvy Dan the Blade should tie his tail to a rock and jump off Darigan Citadel. Is that what you wanted me to say?

MK: Perfect! This issue is gonna sell like hotcakes. I can see the headlines now! But, I’m not sure the PPL will like the whole Rock thing. Maybe a Trunkard, but definitely not a Rock.

Gooblah: You’re my interviewer, not my publicist.

MK: Oops, sorry. Lost it for a moment there. Anyway, last question. What is your favorite arena?

Gooblah: Ooh, good question. I used to like the Ship arena, but then Stuff-A-Roo, Puffo the Waster, Squire Venable and Orvin all decided to have a BBQ Porkwich eating contest there. Now it’s the Shipwreck arena. I’ll leave the middle of the tale for you to figure out. Now, my favorite arena is Harpoon Harry’s, because Harry is really biased and makes the food all meat whenever I eat there.

MK: I thought something was odd there. Well, thanks for the time. I really appreciate it.

Gooblah: Bye, Cornelius! Have fun, invisible messmate!

I finished writing down the interview in my notebook and then traveled back to my office in Neopia Central. I sat at my desk, tore out the interview from the notebook, and waited for Thaddeus to arrive.

Soon, the Quiggle entered my office. “Did you get the Rooblah with Gooblah?” he asked grinning slyly. He thought he had outsmarted me. He thought wrong.

“Yes, I did!” I said, handing him the interview. “You thought that you had won, but no! I have emerged victorious.”

Thaddeus looked over the interview then shook his head. “You mindless Slorg!” He slammed the interview onto my desk. “Rooblah with Gooblah is Tuska for ham and eggs!” he said, not looking back, as he became one with the world outside my door, and faded from sight.

“I really need to read more books,” I sighed. It was quitting time. I left my office and headed home for the day. No matter what Thaddeus said, I had worked hard on this project! I was submitting it to the Times and that was it. If it gets accepted, Thaddeus will be sorry he refused my article. If it gets rejected, I’ll have some more paper for my Mynci statue. Either way, I win! ^^

Author’s Note: No Trunkards were harmed in the making of this article. Hope you enjoyed it.

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