Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 194,573,185 Issue: 776 | 7th day of Eating, Y19
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Letter to Neopia

by hollywoodshowbox


Dear Neopia,

In this week leading up to the annual and vastly overrated Grey Day, I feel that it is my obligation to inform you positively primeval peasants that you’ve been duped. I’m talking about your precious little grey faerie, Baelia. Not that I’m the slightest bit surprised. The incredibly boring and incompetent lot of you are always so quick to side with the victim, especially when that’s the only story you’ve heard. But no one has ever asked me for my side of what happened with Baelia, that sneaky faerie. No one has asked how I felt or what she did to me. In fact, I’m willing to bet that not a single Neopian has ever thought about my side of the story. And you know what they say, if you don’t think, you shouldn’t talk.

Baelia got what she deserved, and soon, all you who bought into her sob story will too.

“But you stole Baelia’s name and wings! You are the epitome of evil!” Well, first, I’m flattered to be considered the epitome of evil, but that title goes to The Darkest Faerie herself. You might want to watch your back now, as she doesn’t take kindly to being knocked from her position on the High Throne. And second: isn’t it a bit dangerous to be using your entire vocabulary in one sentence? Oh, well. I suppose we can’t all be gorgeous and smart like me.

You poor, simple fools. Let me clear this up, once and for all: I didn’t “steal” Baelia’s name and wings like everyone says I did. You see, you bumbling, gullible imbeciles, I had to take her name and wings to protect the rest of Neopia. If I were truly evil, I’d use the wings that I collect in my lair. But even The Darkest Faerie can tell you that I don’t use the trophies I’ve gathered over the years – they are far too dangerous. I’ve even admitted that stealing another faerie’s wings is a terrible thing to do – her Highness can attest to that as well. In fact, I believe that stealing a faerie’s wings is worthy of cosmic punishment. Do you think I take that burden lightly? I know what I’m doing, and I know where I’ll end up. But I do it for the greater good of Neopia, and you’re all too blind to see that.

Then again, if I hadn’t stepped in to help, you all would be literally blind from the catastrophes that would’ve taken place. Not that anyone ever thanked me for stopping the smoke and fumes from completely overtaking Neopia, but you’re totally welcome.

Another thing: I didn’t leave Baelia for dead, and I didn’t torment her. She is my sister, after all – how cruel do you all think I am?! I mean, sure, I blamed her for the disasters she had created, but I had to step in to stop them in time. I was planning on feeding her and giving her water. Her cage was dry and roomy. Maybe it wasn’t furnished like your still-standing Neohomes (you’re welcome for that too, by the way - nobody ever thanked me for stopping the blast), but it was an acceptable tradeoff considering her wrongdoings. Even from my home in the mountains – far removed from your pathetic little villages – I could see that she was a danger to Neopia. But alas, I’m clearly surrounded by idiots.

You don’t remember what it was like before I saved you and your precious little petpets. And now you willingly hand them over! What do you think happens to them, huh? That she adopts every single critter and cares for them and cuddles them at night? Where does she get all the food for them? And how come she never smells of petpet? She always just smells like… wet cardboard. And how come we never see her with her petpets? Where is she hiding them?! I would challenge one of you to answer that, but I suppose I can’t stop you from living in your delusion that Baelia is just “looking for a few friends”. If that’s what you believe, then the collective IQ of the entire population of Neopia is smaller than that of a pet rock. It was my mistake for setting the bar on your sniveling pets even a centimeter higher than that.

Despite your pathetically miniscule IQ, I’m sure you all know the difference between heroic and being a Hero. So, too, there is a difference between villainous and being a Villain. You all forgot that there was a time when dark faeries were not synonymous with evil. There was a time when we were respected, and even a time when we were revered. Where the citizens of Neopia asked for our blessing when they knew they had to do something that was right, even when it was painful and there was guaranteed collateral damage. But your lives have become too easy, and over time you have forgotten our power. You have forgotten, exactly, what the dark faeries are capable of, and that will be your ultimate downfall.

You see, we are willing to do the dark, unsatisfying, unpleasant things that other faeries won’t. Do you think the light faeries or water faeries are willing to get their hands dirty? Pah! Compared to us, they’ve never had to complete a difficult task any single day of their lives. Do you think that the earth faeries are willing to burn a tree to save a forest? Of course not – they don’t make the difficult decisions like we do. We’re willing to do what is right, even if it gets a little ugly in the process. But you ungrateful snots refuse to acknowledge that. Instead, you choose to live in your delusional little world where Fyora is the Good Little Glenda, where Illusen is free from fault, and where Baelia is the tormented angel, forever prohibited from finding happiness. And you couldn’t be more wrong.

Just remember, if it weren’t for Dark Faeries like me, there would be no Neopia.

- Jennumara

P.S. I demand a plushie be made in my likeness. How come every other faerie get plushies and dolls made in their likeness, but I get NOTHING?! This is unacceptable. You have until midnight tonight to make one to my satisfaction.

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