Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 194,100,740 Issue: 739 | 1st day of Swimming, Y18
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Who Is This Topsi, and What Ever Happened To Zaira?

by kaljinyu


On Day 7 of the Y18 Festival of Neggs the festivities took a turn for the intriguing when Topsi was found buying weapons in Shenkuu. Eyewitnesses said he had been "muttering something about needing a new Katana." It reminds us that we know so little about Topsi, and there's a lot of suspicion on all sides. He more or less just showed up out of nowhere and shook up a tried and true spring tradition. Who is he? What does he do that he would need a katana? If he needs a new katana, what did he do that wore out the OLD katana??? He clearly gets a lot of use out of katanas. But why should you care? Well, if you care about the Festival of Neggs, you should question the premise that Topsi has given us.

The story we're told is "Topsi is a young Cybunny who LOVES the Festival of Neggs and negg hunting. After countless years spent enjoying Kari's yearly Negg Hunt (and spending the rest of the year hanging around the Neggery waiting for the next one), his dream to host the Negg Hunt himself has finally come true. As Kari is too busy to get away from the Neggery this year, she has asked for his help running the hunt in her absence." The common Neopian has no reason to question this story. Kari can't run the Festival of Neggs this year because she has Neggery duties. Makes sense, right?

Only that it doesn't. Some of you might remember that when Kari has Neggery duties, but still wants to have the Festival of Neggs, she has Zaira run the Neggery in her place. Her partner and protege,

If Kari had Neggery duties or Festival duties, there's no reason why Zaira should be unavailable to help her friend and mentor out with those things. No overworked unpaid intern is Zaira, Neggs are Zaira's entire aim in life and she's always loved her job. As well as her friendship and bond with Kari. If there were Negg things to be done, she would be available to do them. Especially for a friend. So the question is, why wasn't she? She just disappeared inexplicably.

Suddenly Topsi's story starts to not add up. Topsi was called on due to necessity? There was no necessity, Zaira should've been available. And Topsi's dream "finally" came true in Y18? Y18 isn't his first year on the job. Topsi is talking like we don't remember his run in Y17. A story with these kinds of consistency issues can't be the whole truth. Mystery surrounds Topsi so much that there is, in fact, a book pointing out the secrets that there are to learn about this Cybunny entitled "Kari and Topsi - The Whole Story." Acknowledging that the story we know so far is incomplete and riddled with holes. Described by critics as "For those who seek the truth." Implying that there are truths to discover that we don't know about. That what we know so far ISN'T the truth. Not entirely. And the glaring incongruity that raises the questions of this case is "What happened to Zaira?" For want of Zaira, Topsi's story falls apart.

But let's focus on what we do know for sure about Topsi. It's probably true that he does love Neggs and their Festival. It's easy to believe he did spend "countless years" striving for the same ends Zaira did, to immerse himself in the Negg career field. To call himself a peer to Kari, to work alongside her as partner. Clearly Topsi has great admiration for Neggs and Kari and wants to be a part of that world. But oh no, Kari already has a protege. Kari already has someone to give the dream that Topsi pines for. Zaira. Maybe this was something that Topsi couldn't come to grips with. He dreams of working with Neggs somehow. But for years Kari denies his request for an apprenticeship. Why? Who knows. Maybe you need to be a Faerie. It doesn't matter why, as long as Zaira is around, she gets to be Kari's sidekick and Topsi does not. And she shows no sign of leaving on her own. She's reliable, always available. The only way she's not going to be available is if something, or someone, makes her unavailable. So what might a self-professed Negg fanatic do if someone was standing in the way of his dreams?

This wouldn't be the first time this happened. This should remind everyone of a familiar orange Yurble who, in Y14, explained that he too dreamt of being apprentice to Kari. But Kari denied his requests. She already had Zaira. If she needs help, she has Zaira, and is not hiring. So what did this orange Yurble do? He strapped on some fake Faerie wings, a madman's desperate attempt at clinging to a dream in the clouds, and called himself "The REAL Negg Faerie."

What was once admiration became vitriol for the one who spurned him. His signage and his fake wings seemed to hint that he didn't get the job because he's not a Faerie. You can't be a Negg Faerie if you're not actually a Faerie, something Zaira has that both Topsi and this Yurble don't. And his bitterness showed, as he gave out on-the-nose anti-Faerie themed prizes to promote his new, less than spring cheery outlook. Floating Headless Space Faerie Dolls, Fyora Voodoo Doll Handheld Plushies, and Improved Kari Posters, depicting a spitefully defaced picture of Kari in the "improved" image of the REAL Negg Faerie. I'd like to remind you now that Topsi also spoke of giving "much needed makeovers." Two 'pets who are alike in their deep admiration for Kari's craft, their belief that a change to the status quo was needed, and their doggedness to do the job that a Faerie already happily occupies. So we know Topsi wanted to be partner or apprentice to Kari, or somehow work alongside her running his own Festival of Neggs. We know that Zaira already held that job. We know that when this happened in the past, Kari's last fanboy couldn't bring himself to believe that he couldn't have the job. No, it was his destiny. Surely Kari made a mistake. But he would make her see. He would make her understand that him being her apprentice was the way things had to be, that he HAD to be a Negg Faerie, even though he was a Yurble. And finally, we know that even though Zaira already held this role as Kari's pinch hitter and was devoted to keeping it, somehow Topsi has it now. what might a self-professed Negg fanatic do if someone was standing in the way of his dreams? History already tells us.

Which brings us to Topsi and his katana, and how we don't know what a Negg Festival master of ceremonies would need a katana for. He won't tell us what the katana was for, and he won't tell us how it is he can be Kari's partner when Zaira holds that job. What might a fanatic with skeletons in his closet do? What wouldn't he do??? Maybe he learned from the mistakes of The REAL Negg Faerie and opted for a new tactic: Don't spite Kari for not giving you the partnership, spite the partner instead. Keep it hush, maybe Zaira just "loses interest in Neggs" and has to go. Kari takes on Topsi and no one has to know the truth. Or maybe Topsi and The REAL Negg Faerie have joined forces? Maybe this is an operation manned by several 'pets? Since Xandra's fall there's been more than a little anti-Faerie sentiment getting around, despire the newfound bonds between 'pet and Faerie. The original spring festival, the Y11 Neggtacular Springtime Celebration, was run by a vibrant Grarrl named Rosie before it was replaced after only appearing once. In the eyes of those whose post-Xandra wounds are still sore, the idea of a spring festival run by Neopets being replaced by one run by a Faerie, who may or may not deny Neopets the positions they want because they aren't Faeries, might be seen as taking spring from the 'pets themselves. If there is no bitterness from Rosie, there may at least be bitterness felt by others for what they feel is unfair treatment towards her, and by extension, all Neopetkind. Or maybe Topsi is The REAL Negg Faerie! Wouldn't someone who believed in their heart that they HAD to be Kari's partner, but was denied this because it was already given to a Faerie, be open to changing physical form? To one day reach his true self and true destiny? He must work with Kari. Whatever he has to be in order to make that happen, that might be what he sees himself as.

Endless possibilities. What wouldn't he do? But we can't know the truth. Or can we? That "Kari and Topsi - The Whole Story" book is an interesting prospect if it offers to reveal the truth. But if we can judge a book by its cover just this once, look at how Kari and Topsi are depicted, side by side, the left and right hands of the Negg empire. Be wary of bias in this book. Be wary that it doesn't paint Topsi in a more innocent light than is accurate as a way of dismissing our concerns as "nothing to worry about." Take it with a grain of salt and ask yourself, who wrote this book? Who's coming up with the answers in this book? Do they have anything to hide? If there's anything I can recommend in summary, it's that you question for yourself. Look at what doesn't add up and don't just wave it off. Question. Investigate. And demand the answers you deserve.

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