Behind the Crimes: An Interview With Hubrid Nox

An Interview with Hubrid Nox

Matilda Crabapple from the Poison Pen coming to you live from a desolate mountaintop in the Haunted Woods. We're here today in search of the notoriously evil, and scheming Hubrid Nox to find out what devilish plans he has in store for us next.

We caught up with his ghost near his gravestone, conspiring with other ghosts, a few aliens, some zombies, and several mutants. It looks like he might be planning something big, folks. Let's find out.

CRABAPPLE: Mr. Nox, sir, would you mind answering some questions for the Poison Pen?

NOX: Poison Pen? Ah, from the group of upstart rogues, yes? Splendid! I've heard the most delightful rumors about the lot of you, and I would gladly inspire you all to greater depths of villainy -- ask away!

CRABAPPLE: You are one of the most famous villains in all of Neopia. It's been said that Dr. Sloth is your biggest contender for ruling, well, everything. Do you think that's true?

NOX: Contender? Pah, never. Oh, Sloth is clever, I'll grant him that. A certified madman by far, but he is not brilliant -- merely clever. While his plots for mutating the inhabitants of Neopia could be considered creative, his plans always involve replacing what was already here with something, and I quote: "better." His vision was remarkably shortsighted -- using what resources are already available here is more sensible. This is why I employ the use of ghosts, wraiths, and zombies -- with the right motivation, they are unfathomably more useful than experimental mutants or omnipotent computer systems. Also, I have to point out -- if you develop a computer system that is designed to rival the intelligence of a collective population, eventually it will tire of it's creator. Better to have minions with limited mental resources.

CRABAPPLE: Speaking of minions, how limited is 'limited' when it comes to intelligence. Do you have a preference?

NOX: Ironically, I wouldn't consider zombies to be mentally challenged unless, of course, they were not so intelligent in life to begin with. Generally with zombies what you went to the grave with is what you wake up with, when it comes to brains. No eating of additional brains will make you any smarter, unfortunately. Wraiths do not make good minions. They are volatile and do not take commands very well at all. Werelupes are easy directed, and their king is relatively easy to deal with. But in the end, I still prefer ghosts. Although I retained my intelligence and sentience as a ghost, mine is a more unusual case. Many ghosts still wander without a sense of purpose, and many of them don't have their memories. This is why you'll often find them lingering at places that seem familiar to them. Living minions, while certainly more resilient, have a potential of turning on you if you're not careful. Free will can be a bothersome obstacle. The less of it they have, the better minion they are.

CRABAPPLE: Interesting. We know that you were framed for the Faerie's Ruin by Xandra, but have you ever been blamed for some misdeed that you yourself committed?

NOX: Later on in your respective careers, you and your guildmates will discover that it's the acts you commit that you AREN'T blamed for that really irritate you. I think my favorite success was a reverse doppelganger spell on the Pant Devil. I was rather inspired when he stole one of my more valuable spellbooks -- funny that his new evil twin began to return items at random. In that spell, however, I forgot to give him a way to know which items went to which people -- so he started to give out nothing but morphing potions.

CRABAPPLE: So you're not embarrassed to admit when a plan goes awry?

NOX: Although things did not go according to plan, sometimes the mistake that results is better than the initial plan to begin with. Needless to say, if things go that well we'll take credit for that too. Happy accidents apply to villains as well. The worst thing that can happen is when you create something that can undermine your whole plan, or even worse, create your own nemesis. I have some experience with both.

CRABAPPLE: Speaking of doppelgangers, how did it feel to run into your very own doppelganger? What did you think when you saw it?

NOX: At first there was a glimmer of pride. Someone had a plan so splendidly sinister that it could only be pinned on me to be believable! But then I began to wonder if they were doing me justice. I will admit to anyone who listens that I hold no ill will against Xandra for forcing me into the status of a ghost, it was unfortunate that her plan failed the way it did. She should have thought a little longer-term. Meanwhile, being a ghost suits me just fine, and actually grants me a significant power over other ghosts. But don't tell Magax that -- I'm having a fantastic amount of fun keeping him busy.

CRABAPPLE: Would you say your relationship with your old arch-nemesis has changed at all since your death?

NOX: I think there was some added irony that I became a ghost. I'm sure he got a good laugh out of it. If I'm to be perfectly honest, I see this conflict between us as a pleasant distraction from my plans. At some point Magax will realize there's no such thing as 'sides', only his true nature that he'll have to confront one day. His true nemesis looks him in the mirror.

CRABAPPLE: You've been accused of being a stereotypical villain. A cliche. Are you ashamed of that?

NOX: That isn't quite accurate -- I am THE stereotypical villain. It's the other villains who are cliche, as they're mimicking ME. It's not cliche if I do it first!

CRABAPPLE: Like when you turned yourself into a Cybunny, of all things?

NOX: Cybunnies, contrary to popular belief, make very good villains. Also, everyone comments on the fact that I chose to take the shape of a young Cybunny to put my enemies at ease -- but no one mentions how dreadfully difficult it is to temporarily turn yourself from one species to another without a potion. I worked hard on that, I'll have you know.

CRABAPPLE: So it doesn't bother you that even after your dastardly demise, you've only been made an honorary member of the Awakened rather than a full member?

NOX: Being an honorary member has its perks. You aren't included in their failures, only their successes. Besides, I've been in communication with my old faction from when I was alive, and I want to keep that option open. The Sway says they might overlook my ghostly status if I ever wanted to return.

CRABAPPLE: On that subject, what do you think of the other factions?

NOX: As I mentioned earlier, there's no such thing as 'sides'. Often you'll hear the phrase, 'this person sees the best in everyone'. I'm the type of person who sees the worst in everyone, it becomes an inescapable side-effect of being a villain. I see the evil potential in every faction. The Awakened, the Thieves Guild, and the Sway are the ones who accept the nefarious side of themselves. The Seekers and the Brute Squad (which I take note Magax is a part of) are in denial of their own natures. The jury is still out on the Red Erisim, though I can admire their secrecy.

CRABAPPLE: And, of course, an interview with the truly nefarious and cunning Hubrid Nox wouldn't be complete without asking if there are any evil plans in the works concerning your age old arch enemy Magax?

NOX: Any plans? Try ALL of the plans. He wants redemption, but I don't quite see how he'll succeed. He's hidden his true potential from Neopia as a whole for centuries now -- once it's revealed what he's REALLY capable of, he'll have no choice but to return to the ranks of the Gallery of Evil. For pity's sake, he could have won the war for the Obelisk single-handedly. It shocks and dismays me that more people aren't interested enough to look into that past of his -- it doesn't amount to an inkblot on a page, that. No, it's more like a whole set of encyclopedias dumped unceremoniously into a tub of ink. From high orbit.

CRABAPPLE: Thank you for your time, Mr. Nox. Any closing thoughts for our fine nefarious friends at the Poison Pen?

NOX: Ah, yes. Just remember, no matter how brilliant or dastardly you may become with time, take comfort that you will always be second only to me.

CRABAPPLE: Where there you have it, folks. Whether it's a diabolical plot to conquer the populace of just one land, the whole of Neopia, or one brutish blue Wocky, Hubrid Nox has an evil plan for every day of the week. That's all for now from Behind the Crimes. I'm Matilda Crabapple from the Poison Pen, signing off.