Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 194,077,255 Issue: 736 | 10th day of Relaxing, Y18
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Freezer Burn: 10 Hot and Cold Foods For The Season

by eyrieze


Although we all know summer's fast approaching, what people forget is that winter's also coming. In celebration of the diversity of the seasons, here are a few of my favorite 'fiery' and 'freezing' foods to enjoy no matter the season.

1. Spicy Peophin Burger

Nothing says summer quite like a barbecue, and what better way to get into the grilling spirit than by tucking into a delicious burger? Between the molten cheese, cooling lettuce and fiery sauce this burger's sure to get anyone's taste buds sizzling. (Does not contain actual Peophins.)

2. Icy Mint Slushie

Anyone who's ever drank water right after brushing their teeth knows just how cold your mouth gets. Thankfully, the folks at the slushie shop have combined the cooling effect of mint with the iciness of... ice... For twice the chilling power! And none of the hassle of teeth-brushing! Who could say no to that?

3. Spicy Geraptiku Tea

Ahh tea... Is there anyone who doesn't love tea? Downing a cup of this particularly peppery blend is not only a great way to warm up in winter, it's also great for those cool summer nights lounging on the front porch gazing at the stars with friends and family. Just be careful of the steam, they have been known to cause more than one unfortunate Neopian to break out in a sneezing frenzy.

4. Chilled Borovan with Frozen Asparagus

Borovan is definitely an acquired taste, but those few discerning connoisseurs will most certainly enjoy this chilling treat. There's just something magical about curling up in front of the fireplace (yes, it's a winter treat!), chilled cup in one hand and frozen asparagus in the other, that can't be beat. Neggnog? Get outta here!

5. Fiery Flames Ice Lolly

This fiery lolly is like the summertime counterpart to chilled borovan. Sure, burning your tongue under the Mystery Island sun doesn't sound like the most exciting thing in the world, but what you're forgetting is the intense cooling sensation that comes after. It's all about that delicate interplay of the senses. Once you take a bite you won't be able to stop. I guarantee.

6. Checkered Ice Cream

To leave out the quintessential icy treat in this list would be a crime worthy of being locked up in the Citadel's cells. Checkered ice cream's my favourite because the black squares taste of delicious chocolate cookies while the white is classic vanilla. Together they are magic.

7. Cup of Water

Fire meets ice and the natural conclusion is, to be frank, something completely unremarkable. No frills, no thrills, it’s just a cup of water. But water is needed all-year round, and is a vital component in many of the other items listed here, so I felt it necessary to celebrate the greatness that is water, the oft-forgotten middle child of ice and steam.

8. Carnapepper Soup

The item description says it all: This soup is delicious served hot or cold! How could you go wrong with a delicious bowl of warm Carnapepper soup in the middle of winter, its peppery steam travelling up your nose and clearing your sinuses? Or how about a nice, chilled bowl of Carnapepper in the summer heat? I’ve discussed it before: when hot and cold meet, magic happens. The only reason this item is number eight on the list is because of the bowl it’s served in. It’s too wintry and completely misleads people into thinking this food doesn’t belong in a large punchbowl in the middle of a potluck table. Trust me, it does.

9. Steaming Green Tea

I know I've had tea once on this list already, but can anyone really complain about tea? Isn't too much of a good thing just wonderful? Do you really wanna be that person who turns down green tea?

10. Neatly Stacked Ice Cubes

Yes. Just yes. No further comments.

Honorable Mentions

Spicy Snowflake

It's really a shame the Spicy Snowflake is a battledome item because there's probably nothing quite as great as sticking your tongue out on a snowy day and having it feel warm instead of numb and frozen. Alas, I'll have to settle for chucking it at Punchbag Bob.

Icy Battleduck

The icy battleduck isn't only illegible for the main list because it's a weapon and plastic ducks are inedible, it's also structurally unsound. The ice melts in the tub and returns the duck to normal. When your purpose results in your loss of identity you just know you're poorly designed. It's cute though so I just had to include it.

Cooling Courgette Slice

Everyone knows courgettes are cool as a cucumber. So are cream cheese and chives. So why would you bake it?! This food item really could've made the main list if only the creator had left the courgette raw. It'd be a cooling combo strong enough to rival the Icy Mint Slushie.

Lukewarm Left-Over Pizza

Sometimes trying to go for the best of both worlds just doesn't work. This pizza isn't nearly hot nor cold enough. When I served it at a party recently, the reception was lukewarm at best.

Bone-Chilling Bacon

The bone-chilling bacon is chilling for a completely different reason and so failed to make the list. Call me old-fashioned but I want to enjoy my food not be terrified of it coming for me in the middle of the night. Plus I can't imagine ever sleeping if my stomach radiates a spectral glow anytime the lights are off.

Frozen Dinner

This dinner can theoretically be enjoyed both ways, frozen and warm, but it falls short of both. When I ate it ice-cold I found the meat tough and the mashed potatoes crunchy. When I warmed it up the veggies were soggy and the potatoes were mush. You just can't win with this one unless you're a master chef.

Burnt Bottom Cupcake

I'll give the baker brownie (cupcake?) points for the frosting job. It's a beautiful baby blue that evokes coolness. I really wanted to like it but the whole product just felt short. There's a difference between something being fiery and burnt people!

Molten Hot Chilli

Only a cruel trickster would have 'chill' in its name but be described as being 'molten hot.' I just can't with this one. Plus I tried one and it was only sort-of good.

Well there you have it, a list of my favorite foods from opposite ends of the temperature spectrum. Whether chilling in Terror Mountain or sunbathing on the beaches of Mystery Island, be sure to keep these thermally-variable treats in mind, and in stomach. Happy eating!


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