So You Want To Be A Villain?

      Evil Plotting 101 - World Domination

      Neopia has a long list of villains, some not so well known as others, but if you've ever admired the likes of Dr. Sloth or the Darkest Faerie, you may have fashioned yourself something like them in your own mind. So, have you ever wondered if you'd fit in among the nefarious ranks of the infamous villains of Neopia? Sure, you consider yourself evil, but are you evil enough?

      Well, wonder no more -- I'm here to help sort the potential goody-goodies out from the truly villainous.

      But before we get into the how-to sections, we should first observe the masters of the craft. Let's take a stroll through the Gallery of Evil, shall we?

      Many have tried for every evil villain's dream of the power hungry grab to rule just one land, like Captain Scarblade's attack on New Maraqua, or wrest control of the entirety of Neopia, like the attempt Hubrid Nox made with his horde of undead slaves. Many have tried, but none have truly succeeded. Some deliciously evil plots, some even brilliantly executed, but ultimately all thwarted by some unforeseen lucky do-gooder. So where did they go so wrong? Why do we still not have one of our illustrious own running the show yet?

      Some, like Lady Frostbite, ruler of the Darblats, wanted revenge on a world she thought had abandoned her. Her plan was to turn all of Neopia into a frozen wasteland. An admirable goal, no doubt, but she was defeated by one of those dullards from the sickly super-saber rattling Defenders of Neopia.

      Lord Darigan's desire for power was so great, it drove him to plot the destruction of all of Neopia, starting with the hopelessly happy land of Meridell. Some say he was bewitched into this action, but surely such dastardly deeds can't be forced. He was defeated when his own army turned against him by joining forces with the Meridell cause, proving that you can never trust traitors. Eventually, Lord Kass took some much needed control of the Darigan citadel and reignited their natural hatred of the Meridell people. A true villain to the core, he imprisoned any of those who disagreed with him and rebuilt an army out of the rest. In a most underhanded and deliciously despicable way, he entered Meridell under the pretense of peace, then declared war on the hapless kingdom. A bitter battle ensued, and would have been successful, if not for the untimely return of a repulsively repenting Lord Darigan.

      Then there was the Emperor Razul, who may not be very well known today, but in a word, he was marvelously monstrous. His insatiable lust for absolute power, along with the ambitious desire to be immortal, caused him to curse his entire city of Sakhmet, and then later, burn it to the ground. After commendably laying complete waste to the city, he effortlessly destroyed the Sakhmet army, but was sadly destroyed by his own duplicitous son, Jazan.

      One of the most feared villains among us, Dr. Sloth, is both insane and evil, and bent on conquering Neopia to enslave all of its inhabitants. He has made at least one attempt at this glorious goal that we know of so far, by using a most ingenious method. He enslaved an entire planet of Grundo's, and after mining the radioactive Kreludite, used it to mutate them to be strong enough to create his army. His plan was to use it to mutate the entire population of Neopia. He was defeated by the most narrowest of margins, some do-gooders with an amulet from the absent Space Faerie. But with the wonderful trove of technological toys at his disposal, he may yet be a promising candidate for Ruler of Neopia.

      The biggest contender, however, is the Darkest Faerie. With multiple tries at domination and destruction, she shows no sign of giving up until she succeeds. As the truest founder of Altador, she wanted her fair due to rule, but was punished for trying to take over the land by being imprisoned in stone for 1,000 years at the bottom of the ocean for her trouble. Once she finally escaped, she valiantly continued her attempt, this time with Meridell and Faerieland as her targets. With some highly admirable and impressive skill, she tainted the entire kingdom of both Meridell and Faerieland by taking possession of not only Illusen, King Skarl and his knights, but of Fyora, the Faerie Queen, herself. Even with nearly everyone under her control, and Fyora's wand in her hand, a couple of upstart wannabe heroes managed to ruin everything. She was turned to stone, again, but her statue has since going missing. There is still hope for her return and success in another attempt. Third time's the charm.

      The most recent attempt at world domination was Xandra. She impersonated and dispatched Hubrid Nox, and managed to turn all the faeries into stone. Fair justice for what they did to the Darkest Faerie. But Xandra wanted to rule a Neopia free from the faeries. In this, she was successful. With the faeries out of the picture, wicked wonderful wraiths were released, and Faerieland was brought to the ground, crashing into Meridell. Epic! The reverberations from that are still being felt today. Deceived and double-crossed by an unsuspected hero, she was defeated and petrified in stone.

      And speaking of faeries, a list of famous villains just wouldn't be complete without mentioning Jhudora. There are only rumors that tie her to events that have happened over the years, yet even without proof that she has ever done anything to harm anybody, she has still succeeded in becoming one of the most feared villains in Neopia. Now that's power. Keep your fingers crossed.

      Evil plots at world domination unraveled by the unlikeliest of heroes, the weakest of Neopians, and the softest of so-called villains. So what is the moral of today's lesson? Learn to recognize the potential do-gooder that could thwart even the best conceived plan, be they cute cybunny or fellow vile villain aiming for your spot in the limelight. Taking over the world is no joke, and when you are Supreme Ruler, they won't be laughing.

      So now that you know the who's who of the villainous elite, how would you -- the villain-to-be -- begin to gauge your own level of evil? Where's the scale to measure your malice?

      Maybe you've visited the Gallery of Evil, just to take a look. Or perhaps you've celebrated Sloth Appreciation Day when you thought no one would ever notice. And I'll bet you could even be found peeking at the more diabolical items in the Hidden Tower while Fyora's back was turned.

      Maybe you fought with Captain Scarblade during the Curse of Maraqua. Or even with the Darigan citadel against Meridell. Were you torn between who was more despicable, Lord Darigan or Lord Kass?

      Just how vile do you have to be in order to be counted among the likes of such ilk? Not everyone is suited to be sinister, but with the slightest stirring of the pot, you too can reach your true potential.

      Let's take a peek at how you may, or may not, be ruthlessly wicked on a daily basis.

      Have you ever made your pets eat disgusting foods they didn't want? Not everyone has a taste for Alien Aisha cuisine you know, even if it is gourmet. Do you make them read books they hate? Even after they've told you they refuse to in four different languages? And I'm sure you've sent them to the training schools, even though they've been asking to go on a boat tour or play a game. What about the times when you've pitted them against the toughest enemies you could find in the Battledome, just for the challenge?

      Everyone does those things, you might be thinking. But I can tell you're not quite as convinced as you were. And that's only the beginning.

      Have you made them sneak up on the Snowager when it's sleeping, even though they've been blasted repeatedly for the attempt already? Have they caught a myriad of diseases from playing the Quasalan Expellibox, or from spinning the Wheel of Misfortune? Have you fed them glowing or poisonous jellies just to disease them with something more easily curable and inexpensive?

      And if you've ever fed your pet a Transmogrification potion or painted them hideous colors just to get an avatar, you might want to submit your application to the Gallery of Evil right now.

      Now, before you start sniffling with guilt, and crying, "But I play games with them!" or "I feed them and customize them, so I must love them!" -- be honest. Were you rooting for Xandra during her plot for the Faerie's Ruin? Did you feel sympathetic towards her? Agreed with her point of view? Felt that she deserved different?

      No? Well. Maybe that's just yours truly. But, ultimately, we can tell when we're truly diabolical when our pets begin to emulate our behavior. If your pet can be seen gleefully ordering their petpets to poke at a tired Turmaculus, or make them jump into the Symol Hole, or even force them to march into Grave Danger -- then congratulations, you are 100% evil concentrate. Welcome to the Ranks!

      The End.