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Confessions of a Neopets Fanatic

by binky1260


It began so insidiously. I signed in just to do a few dailies, mostly just for the fun of it: Fruit Spin (because I was eternally hopeful for an Eventide Paint Brush), Tombola (because the Tiki Tack Man missed me if I didn’t pay him my daily visit, and occasionally he tossed a nice codestone at me), and Coltzan’s Shrine (because who in her right mind wanted to miss out on free stats?). I made sure that I collected my paltry interest each day with the reasonable anticipation that my meager fortune would grow. And of course, I visited the Shop of Offers. The fifty or a hundred Neopoints I got weren’t what motivated me to go there. Mainly, it was because that smiling Slorg who always greeted me was just so cute. Then along came Anchor Management and Forgotten Shore and (dear blessed Fyora!) a chance to win a Draik egg or a morphing potion. From then on, you couldn’t pay me to stay away from those two dailies. The first time that glorious and conveniently placed little shovel in the sand at the shore resulted in a Draik egg I knew that I was hooked.

After that, my dailies list only grew. Now, in addition to all the ones I have mentioned, there are regular visits to Weltrude’s Toy Chest and the Mysterious Negg Cave even though I got that avatar long ago. The Charity Corner leaned heavily on items that can be won there, so that only served to increase the frequency of my visits. And I force my poor Petpets to venture into Grave Danger every chance I get. The possibility of winning a Mootix is what compels me to keep throwing them back in despite their consternation. Additionally, I’ve included Kiko Pop among the burgeoning list. That daily shrewdly rewarded my first visit with a Lady Draik Knight Sword, so it’s a given that I must attempt to pop that balloon on every available opportunity. And my admission would not be completely candid without acknowledging my regular visits to Dr. Landelbrot aboard The Coincidence. As luck would have it, I have yet to acquire the aforementioned coveted Mootix from that daily either. I keep trying though because, as they say, hope springs eternal. But I must admit here and now that Trudy’s Surprise is my undoing. All I have to do is sign in every day without fail and she is there faithfully waiting for me, ready and willing to deliver copious amounts of wonderful Neopoints into my greedy little hands. Neopoints that I can use to buy lovely items for my gallery, or to invest sensibly in stocks, or to feed my angst-inducing Food Club habit, or to stop the caterwauling of those gluttonous little Kads.

And if there are any Neopoints left, I can always subsidize my dwindling bank account. Dwindling, you ask? How can it be dwindling when I collect interest every day? It is a sad fact that my bank account is being decimated slowly but surely because the extra time that I spend on this habit-forming site has resulted in an increase in purchases for my pampered ‘pets. At this writing, as I sit cross-legged on my unswept floor in my tattered and torn jeans and ketchup-stained T-shirt, my Neopets are luxuriating in the AstroVilla in their best duds. While I’m choking down soggy cold Cheddar Fries, my coddled cuties are dining on a five-course extravaganza of the finest Gourmet Foods: Artichoke and Onion Surprise, Black Caviar, Aubergine Salad, Asparagus Borovan Lasagne with 14 Karat Baked Potato, and Asteroid Zeenana Split for dessert. In addition to enjoying great eats every day, my ‘pets insist on a diet of fine literature as well. Not content to simply read The Neopian Times for free, their literary demands include expensive rare volumes such as Dig Down, Dig Deep (which the Symol Hole, another daily on my to-do list, refuses to surrender to me), and Illusens Diary (my ‘pets can be a bit too inquisitive at times).

If my dailies and attention to my beloved Neopets aren’t enough, I would be remiss if I didn’t divulge the amount of time I spend on my favorite games such as Suteks Tomb, Ghoul Catchers and Fashion Fever, the latter being included on my daily list. A visit to the Battledome each day is an absolute necessity. And then there is the time spent chatting on the boards and helping on the Quests Board. Ever since the benevolent Trudy began giving me NC Mall gift boxes, I now find myself lurking the NC Mall board for lovely backgrounds that I can acquire to give my fastidious Neopets.

So, I am forced to face the facts. I’m completely enamored of this site as evidenced by the ever-increasing amount of time I’m spending here. I love the games, my Neofriends, and my ‘pets. Therefore, after careful consideration I have compiled a list of telltale behaviors that Neopets fanatics typically engage in. It is my hope that this list will educate others in how to recognize the signs, and thereby enable them to determine whether or not they also are among the Neopets-smitten.


You know that you’re a Neopets fanatic if…

1. You forget your friend’s birthday, but you remember all your Neopets’ birthdays to the hour.

2. Your concerned friends have begun an intervention.

3. You would rather play Pterattack than eat.

4. You would rather play Snowmuncher than sleep.

5. You fall asleep on your laptop waiting for your Premium bonus.

6. You can identify every Neopian land on a map.

7. Your real life pet is named Dr. Sloth.

8. Your friends want to throw a huge party for your birthday, but you tell them that you would rather have Neocash cards instead.

9. You post on the Pound Chat and a friendly user admires your awesome Neopet. She includes a *hugs* after her glowing compliment. You reply with a curt request that she stop touching your ‘pet without permission.

10. On Neopets’ 16th birthday, you sent out invitations to everyone you know.

11. You are already planning a big birthday bash for Neopets’ 17th birthday.

12. You buy an expensive new gown or tuxedo each year for The Annual Chocolate Ball.

13. You failed your Chemistry exam in real life, but you can name all the compounds in Chemistry For Beginners.

14. You still haven’t fully recovered from the demise of Eliv Thade.

15. You have been crossing off the days on a calendar until Chadley returns.

16. You cancelled your once-in-a-lifetime vacation plans to an exotic island so that you could participate in the Altador Cup.

17. You sport an adorable little “I *heart* Kell" tattoo on your ankle.

18. Your eyes tear up when you read the story of Thyora’s Tear in the Neopedia.

19. You still have all your Neopets plushes gathering dust on your nightstand.

20. You study to the soundtrack of Goparokko.

21. During a recent visit to your doctor, you insist that you are suffering from Ugga-Ugga and demand that she prescribe Sporkle Syrup.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, then you too are a victim of Neopets fever. I regret to inform you that there is no cure, my friend. So take my advice and do as I do: embrace your affinity for Neopets. Try a new game or activity. Help someone on the Quests board. Send a Neofriend or someone who needs some cheer a little surprise. Enjoy this fine community each day and in your own way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get an “I *heart* Neopets” tattoo…

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