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Ponderings and Wonderings from the Games Room

by zutcree


Like many Neopians, I spend a lot of my time in the Games Room, bopping around from one game to the next, entertaining myself, aiming for high scores, and earning some Neopoints. I guess I must be in a contemplative mood lately (maybe the Buzzer Game has opened my mind up to new ponderings), because some of these games have brought up some urgent philosophical and practical questions for me. I’m never sure if other people think about this stuff as much as I do, so without further delay, I submit these questions and mediations for your consideration:

Extreme Herder: Who keeps leaving all these poor, defenseless petpets in what is clearly a dangerous field? Why can’t we find a better field for these little guys to play in, one that is not routinely patrolled by a faerie- and petpet- and generally friendly-fluffy-nice-thing-devouring monster? Or, I dunno, just leave them in the pen? It’s a small pen, sure, but if I was an Angelpuss, I would definitely prefer sharing close quarters with some Babaas than wandering around free-range at constant risk of being swallowed whole.

On a mostly unrelated note, do the petpets with the little bonus star on their head feel special? Do they make fun of the ordinary petpets? Is there a social hierarchy among petpets?

That may have been a bit of a tangent. Moving on.

Turmac Roll: Why are there all these tree stumps on the paths and byways of Meridell? It seems like there is some kind of mass deforestation going on. Is this where King Hagan got all the paper for his books from? Someone really ought to look into that. Or start a recycling center in Brightvale. Did you know you can make paper out of old fabric? You can take a pair of jeans, pulp them up and dry them out and it makes perfectly serviceable paper. Does King Hagan even wear jeans? That would be pretty un-Kingly of him.

Hasee Bounce: Shouldn’t somebody get a citation for littering? Someone keeps flinging all these piles of dung and green slime about the forest. Jimmi and Woogy are pretty good sports about it--I mean, I’ve never seen them complain, even when they get temporarily incapacitated by a gross projectile and miss a letter or a fish doughnutfruit. But still--and this goes back to my point about the deforestation evident in Turmac Roll--we have to respect our natural resources.

National Neopian: Just how short is the jail sentence for attempted bank robbery? Because I’ve pressed the buzzer on that same red Scorchio about three hundred times, but he seems to come back not two minutes after I’ve locked him up. As for Heermeedjet, isn’t he a pretty notorious criminal? You’d think the Defenders of Neopia would be able to keep better tabs on him.

Imperial Exam: Why is the Emperor doing the entrance test rather than that Grarrl who seems to actually know what he’s doing? The Emperor messes up with considerable frequency (at least when I’m playing), whereas the guard seems to know immediately who’s wrong and who’s right. Is it just because the Emperor is the Emperor? I know Shenkuu is all about scholarship and wisdom, but I feel like the Emperor should also be humble enough to admit that one of his guards is a way better speller than he is. Also, he’s not all that dextrous with his little paint brush--he keeps giving himself ink mustaches! Look, I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all, but if I was a Shenkuu citizen I’d want a leader with a little more dignity.

Igloo Garage Sale: The inventory in Mika and Carassa’s attic has always confused me. They seem to have an unlimited number of Chia Pops, bottles of rainbow sand, umbrellas, packets of cookies, Shoyru morphing potions, dubloons, grand pianos, and bombs. I’m trying to imagine what they had in mind when they bought all that stuff...Maybe they went to Krawk Island (that would explain the dubloons), brought some umbrellas to keep off the sun and some chia pops to keep cool, kept the little cookie packets they give you on the plane, and stopped on Mystery Island on the way home to pick up some souvenirs? Still doesn’t explain the pianos though. Or the bombs.

Shouldn’t it be illegal to keep bombs in your attic? There’s gotta be a fire code about that somewhere. Or maybe nobody’s concerned about fire what with all that ice and snow.

What exactly is Carassa expecting when she launches those grand pianos from the second floor? Worst case scenario, her husband gets a nasty knock on the head, and best case scenario, he dodges and the piano smashes to pieces. Those things are expensive, you know. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good piano to me. On the other hand, imagine the chromatic cacophony that must be produced when one of those things lands on a hard ice floor. I’m surprised the neighbors haven’t complained.

Those two should invest in an elevator, or at least a dumbwaiter. That’s all I’m saying.

Grand Theft Ummagine: Why are all the Ummagines in Sakhmet so well-guarded? You can get one on the shop wizard for a few NP. They also seem to be placed in almost ceremonial spots around the city--in the middle of a garden maze or the back of a palace. Does the Ummagine have some kind of cultural significance to the people of the Lost Desert? Why can’t those Elephante Guards just let Stan catch a break? It’s not like he’s trying to steal the Crown Jewels. It’s a vegetable for goodness sake. Those guards would be better served trying to track down Heermeedjet. He actually did try to steal Coltzan’s crown once, and I hear he’s been seen all over the National Neopian recently.

Freaky Factory: Does the Toy Store know about the questionable manufacturing processes that take place at Krelufun Industries? It seems like a lot of people would be alarmed to know that our Baby Neopets are playing with little miniatures made out of a substance that glows and grins menacingly as it falls into a giant vat.

Eliv Thade: Has anyone ever thought of introducing Eliv Thade’s ghost to Captain Roundhoof from Word Poker? I feel like they’d get along, don’t you? Come to think of it, they should both go have a coffee with Neopet V2 from Spell-Or-Starve. Maybe a friendship built on a love of letters and spelling would mellow them all out a bit, and then poor Gilly the Usul and Channy the Mynci could finally go home. At the heart of it, they’re probably just a bit lonely. It’s tough being a computer simulation in a space station, or a ghost in an empty mansion in the Haunted Woods. Or anyone who’s trying to teach pirates to spell. I think they could form a real bond.

There, I’ll end this series of mini-rants on a positive note. Even the deranged alphabet nerds among us can find friendship through the Games Room.

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