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Kalora: A Kickin' Kompilation of 5 Kau Komments!

by schoolwars


Ever since her debut as one of the current members on the Cheat! tournament roster, Kalora the Kau has made quite an impact. From the neon pink polka dot tracksuit, to the whispers of an unsuccessful tiara heist, ask anyone what they know about Kalora and they will reply back with "What DON'T I know?!"

Having managed to procure a small window of time within which to sit down and chat with the wonderful Kalora herself, I asked her to disclose no less than five sensational secrets for you Neopians to read about. These are marvellous bits of information that very few (if any) will even know about, and are coming directly from the source; no minced words here! Using my trusty Battle Duck pencil and notepad, I feverishly scribbled all Kalora had to say, before she shot off to explore Terror Mountain on yet another 'holiday'. Prepare for amazing admissions, tantalizing truths, and a surprise glimpse into the unconventional life of one of Neopia's most famous Kau's (I said ONE OF, Kauvara!). So here are those five fantastic facts!

  • She is currently in the process of getting her ear twitching problem fixed

Ah yes. The uncontrollable fault that has unintentionally caused a few games of Cheat! to be lost. Although the problem is mainly confined to her left ear, Kalora has admitted that she has sought help for her problem from a perhaps unusual source. She says:

"I tried getting an appointment at the Neopian Hospital with one Doctor Gelert, but he was always too busy with other pets, and I was told there is a six month waiting list for non-urgent problems. Huh! How does having Shock -A- Lots take priority over my lovely ears? Anyways. Kicking my hooves, I remembered that exotic potions fellow based in Shenkuu; Anshu, that's his name! I had nothing to lose by making a little enquiry. My initial chat was about twelve weeks ago, and boy am I pleased with the results! Things are coming along rather slowly, we have been alternating using Clay and Leaf Paste to help warm my ears to stop the shaking, along with applications of Kougra Balm to soothe and calm down the over-excitable ear muscles themselves. Soon there'll be nothing that gives away my intentions when game playing!"

  • She crafts bespoke Macaroni portraits of and for famous Neopians

As one of her favourite things to do, when she's not out and about of course, it would seem inevitable that something would eventually come of Kalora's ability to fashion sculptures from Macaroni pasta. What started as a casual hobby is now earning her neopoints! For news of how near perfectly identical the finished sculptures were to the muses on which they were modelled spread quickly over Neopia, and soon Kalora was being asked for effigies from all sorts of Neopian celebrities.

"Oh yes," she laughs. "I have immortalised them all in pasta! Just this past month I have had written requests for my figures from Jhudora, King Altador, Lilian Fairweather and even the Tiki Tack Man, to name a few. Am getting backed up with orders! Luckily I have a deal going with the Neopian Food store for their expired bags of Macaroni pasta. I am currently in the process of constructing a life sized Chuffer Bob, but have erm, run out of pasta at the moment. Note to self: stop by the store and pick up three more bags. And some of my recent happy customers include King Kelpbeard, and The Oracle herself. My skills are unmatched, I tell ya!"

  • She once managed to visit Brightvale, Faerieland, Haunted Woods and Lost Desert - all in one day

Which is apparently is no mean feat! "It was to raise funds as I recall, to help rebuild the town of Neovia after all that 'Tale of Woe' stuff was over," Kalora quietly tells me.

"I made people sponsor me per mile! I started off with at 7am; spending an hour in Brightvale, eating Grilled Shishkafruit with Squibble Berry Jam for breakfast, then took a short journey South-West and made it to the crater that now houses Faerieland. Here I had a brief chat with Naia about her favourite Neopet paint job (the Woodland Uni in case you were wondering!), then picked up a copy of Decorating Faerie Cakes from the Faerie Bookshop. After that was done, I clued myself up with a map of the terrain and hiked through the trees and such to the Haunted Woods. Not wanting to spend much more than my allocated hour here *shudder* I quickly shuffled through to the Deserted Fairground; waving at the Esophagor as I passed, and recoiling at the Brain Tree. After a quick spin of the Wheel of Misfortune (the Pant Devil stole my Orange Draik Plushie....) and a decline to Sidney of his offer to buy a scratchcard, I was finally free to leave!"

Here Kalora pauses to catch her breath, and take a sip of complementary Aged Tchea Juice my team had laid on. Her eyes are aglow and (despite the Doctors best efforts it seems) both ears are twitching erratically. She goes on:

"My last stop, after a quick Eyrie-pulled carriage ride, was the toasty Lost Desert. I played a nice game of Swarm, admired a fine specimen of Grackle Bug at Peopatra's Petpets, and then popped into Qasalan Delights for some delish Cake of the Lost. It was a great albeit hot ending to my voyage. Never before have I slept so well after a travel! My exhaustion was worth it, though; I raised nearly 500,000 neopoints for those deserved Neovian citizens in the end!"

  • She used to have her own Battledeck that restocked, err... somewhere 'Hidden'...

During the month of Awakening, some thirteen years ago, Kalora was approached by a representative of Queen Fyora. After intense negotiations, (and the taking of some rather fetching headshots) Kalora agreed to promote a new set of Battlecards featuring her likeness. They would be rare and exclusive, and sold for a massive 1.5 million neopoints within the walls of a secret tower in Faerieland. The Battledeck contains an infinite number of magic battle cards; and in battle, you can pull out up to three to use against your opponent. Each deck contained normal, silver and gold cards – ALL starring Kalora's lovely face!

"I agreed to let them use my face on the cards to reach out to a wider audience; to let those Battledomers know of me and my escapades! I am pleased with the pictures, each card managed to capture my best side, would you believe."

After demanding her cards become rarer and more powerful, whoever was in charge decided to end the tumultuous business partnership, and thus the Battledeck retired; never to restock again. Well at least Kalora got one of her wishes granted!

  • She maintains her 'Tiara Theft' innocence; apparently the gemstones needed polishing!

We now focus upon the most famous Neopian tale about Kalora of them all... the supposed attempted theft of Princess Fernypoo's tiara by the Kau herself! Whilst the story always changes depending on who you ask, the main detail seems to be that of Kalora getting caught taking the tiara off of the head of a sleeping Fernypoo. Attempts to get in contact with Princess Fernypoo proved fruitless, so here's the apparent truth straight from Kalora –

"As if I would ever even THINK about stealing something as gaudy and as tacky looking as that cheap thing! She knows I would never steal from her, I really don't know why this story is still floating around. Yes, I was holding the tiara when Ferny woke up. Yes, I was also in the process of walking out the door. But no, I definitely WASN'T planning to nab it and take off! I noticed during the evening that the main Amethyst and surrounding gems set within the tiara were filthy; so dusty and ingrained with dirt. I promise you – I was merely taking the tiara to the bathroom to clean it. I had water and tissue ready I swear! Everyone can see that it really isn't my style at all, so now I am hoping to put an end to this annoying story once and for all! Let the truth be known!"

There you have it – wow, what an interview! We thanked Kalora for her time with us, and she was soon on her way again; the boat ferrying her to Kiko Lake was due in ten minutes! Hopefully you have learnt something new from reading this article, or perhaps you are an ardent fan that has been left open-mouthed as you thought you knew it all. Well I always strive to uncover the exciting and unknown! Thanks for reading, and keep those secrets tucked away... for who knows who I will report on next! *wink*

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