Mostly Mutant - How To Be Mutant And Fabulous!

Now, I'm sure you're wondering how a mutant can be as beautiful as I am; that's certainly what the Usul at the Grooming Parlor wondered. It just comes naturally to me! However, I realize not every mutant is as aesthetically pleasing as I am, which is why I've decided to write this guide: how to be Mutant and Beautiful. Here are ten easy steps to go from terrifying to terrific!

1) Eliminate that Odor

The sense of smell is one that is most often associated with memory. In order for others to get a good impression of you, you need to smell good. Not to mention, if you stink, your odor is going to chase people away before you even enter the room, which will certainly damage your opportunities to make friends. Some mutants can be aroma-challenged, due to stink glands or slime pores, but do not let this ruin your chances of being popular! For a subtle, sweet scent that lasts a long time, try Illusen Strawberry Perfume. Or, if you need something stronger to overpower your stink, try Coffee Perfume – not only will you smell good, but you'll have lots of energy too!

2) Stop the Spit

Many mutants have a tendency to drool. Well, let me tell you, this is one of the things that can send you spiraling on the popularity charts. Nobody likes someone who sprays it while they say it. So, keep your mouths close and your tongues inside at all times. If you have particularly active salivary glands, eating a dry Scarab Cookie every hour or so should keep them under control. And always keep a spare handkerchief handy to wipe away any drool.

3) Tame those Tentacles

Whether you have the aggressive ears of an Aisha or the second head of a Hissi, extra appendages certainly make the mutant. Some of these "tentacles" even have minds of their own; however, that is no excuse to let them wreak havoc upon your social life. Personally, my ears tend to have a bit of an attitude, but with a bit of willpower and a calming hand, I keep them perfectly under control. And after you figure out how to work your extra arms and legs, they can be extremely useful in gaining popularity. My ears certainly make my point in a conversation, and that causes other people to agree with me.

4) Care for those Claws

Just because us mutants have talons doesn't mean we don't like a good pedicure every once in a while! In order to make your claws less threatening, keep them clean and well-trimmed. A little bit of polish doesn't hurt either, especially for us lady mutants out there. Faellie Nail Polish is perfect for that cute-and-innocent look, while Gold Usul Nail Polish adds a bit more of a dramatic flair. A simple ring or bracelet can also soften a menacing claw; and boys, that goes for you too!

5) A-nunn-ci-ate

One obvious side-effect of being a mutant is the speech impediments. I'm sure most of us have been there: the over-developed under-bite, the titanic teeth, and the too-long tongue can turn what should be a polite and pleasant conversation into a horribly embarrassed mutant trying to calm down a screaming Neopian. This is why, if you suffer from any such impediments, annunciate your words to ensure complete communication. Be sure to be literate in case you need to resort to writing down your sentences. It might even help to take some telepathy lessons; mental telepathy communication is becoming all the rage for those who are so gifted.

6) Fluff that Fur (or Feathers)

When people think of mutant, they expect a scaly, slimy, slobbering excuse for a pet. So, give them a surprise and work with what you've got! If you have fur or feathers, fluff them up. Go to a stylist, or invest in some hair dye. Keep your hair well brushed; matted fur won't help their opinion of you. Nothing turns heads like a mutant with an adorably fluffy tail. If you in fact do not have either feathers or fur, consider investing in a wig. You can try the Mutant Elegant Burgundy Wig, or the always stylish Mutant Tentacle Wig.

7) Remember to Floss!

Remember those titanic teeth we talked about not so long ago? Well, be sure to brush them! A beautiful white smile can help disarm and charm. Plus, no one wants to talk to a pet with horrible monster breathe, not to mention how ugly cavities are. In fact, a few of the non-mutant Unis at the school I go to could benefit from this tip as well: seriously guys, use a little bit of mouth wash. You know who you are. The Tooth Faerie will thank you if you do.

8) Customize!

A good outfit can complete the deal. Just because you're a mutant, don't feel pressured to stay within the "creepy crawly" genre of clothing: be expressive! Be fun! A colorful background can help you stand out as the beautiful pet you are. A cute accessory can bring out the adorable side in you. Just be sure to stay within the latest fashions – you wouldn't want to be caught wearing a potato sack, after all!

9) Hygiene Helps

One last note about hygiene: it is absolutely necessary. Shower at least once a day; and yes, you do have to use soap. Shampoo and conditioner can help keep any hair or fur shiny and tangle-free. Be sure to scrub any stink-glands and behind the knees. Moisturizer can help cracked, dry skin, and deodorant can help nullify those infamous stink glands. Remember: a dirty pet is an unpopular pet.

10) Be Confident

This is perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind in your attempt to be mutant and fabulous: as long as you believe that you are popular, people will accept you. Know what you want and do not take no for an answer, not even if people tell you that you are being snobbish. Whether you are Mutant or Royal or even Invisible, being confident will immediately make you stand out.

And there you have it: ten ways to be mutant and fabulous! Keep in mind that it is not always an easy road, and you almost certainly will never be as fabulous as me, but it certainly doesn't hurt to try! After all, mutants have their own special appeal.