teh 1337est n00zpaper Circulation: 191,782,612 Issue: 620 | 8th day of Storing, Y15
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

How to Know When You're Kaddicted

by bha288


Most people start frequenting the Kadoatery when they decide they want the adorable pink avatar, or even just a shiny new trophy for their userlookup. However, once they begin, some people realize that they're unable to stop. They've become addicted to feeding those spoiled little Kadoaties. Thus, I present to you: 26 ways to recognize your kaddiction.

You become an overfeeder. And not just a perfunctory overfeeder who retires after 76 feeds. Or an overfeeder who leaves it at 77 feeds, just because it's a pretty number. No, I'm talking hundreds. Thousands, even. You don't really understand how this happened since you swore that you hated kadding, but you suppose that it is what it is.

You tell yourself that you'll stop at 100 feeds, simply because it's a nice, round number. The next day, you conclude that 111 feeds would be ideal. Now you're thinking 200 feeds would be a lovely stopping point, but you secretly know that if you can't manage to control yourself, there is absolutely no harm in continuing to 314 feeds. But then again, there's no denying that 333 is a nice number as well.

Once you get the avatar on your main account, you decide to go for it on your side as well, even though you know perfectly well that you intend to resume feeding on your main as soon you have fed another 75 kads. This is done with the intention of delaying the appearance of being kaddicted.

You seriously consider buying a full safety deposit box set, especially when your friend won't stop talking about how he's buying a full set. The fact that you're trying to save for something else doesn't deter you as much as it should. Ten million for a full set isn't that bad, is it?

When this friend complains—rather incessantly—about how he still needs to buy the S foods, you respond by citing the fact that foods that begin with an S appear quite frequently. As do foods that begin with an F, G, and P. Mostly due to the quantity of S, F, G, and P kad foods in general.

You take solace in the fact that you cannot possibly be as kaddicted as the feeders with full SDB sets, or that one feeder who knew which foods appeared most frequently in the Kadoatery. (Like, what? How is that something that you know off the top of your head?)

You also consider investing in Premium in order to use the Super Shop Wiz, just because you are spending so many extra Neopoints on Shop Wiz feeding. After all, it is fairly frustrating to buy an 8k food for a feed only to find out that you could have bought it for a mere 1k. Especially when you don't manage to feed and try to sell it afterwards.

One of your greatest accomplishments is inadvertently feeding next to yourself, once during a mini and subsequently during the main. It doesn't even matter that it wasn't deliberate.

You quickly realize which browser is ideal for kadding. It becomes your default browser for all things Neopets. Even when you discover that it's not so great for everything else (i.e., your Habitarium).

You see marked improvement in your ability to add 7 to things. You don't even have to count on your fingers anymore! Or use your calculator!

You know exactly where overfeeders like to feed, especially the speedy SDB feeders. You also know approximately when they log on and pick your spot accordingly.

You start to recognize the usernames of feeders who pop up fairly often. Sometime you even visit their boards to say hello. You're unsurprised when they visit you too.

You make a firm resolution to refrain from purchasing expensive foods, especially since you do have other priorities. This doesn't stop you from carrying around at least 100k at all times, for no apparent reason. Every time you happen upon a food that is above your price range, you discover that your resolve is actually rather weak. But you didn't really need that HT—Richest avatar, did you?

You manage to draw the line at feeding unbuyables, for the most part. But ub feeders are some of your favorite people; you just love when they swoop in and clear up a spot for everyone else.

You start remembering which items are unbuyable, and in doing so, you usually manage to avoid them when they're asked for.

Sometimes you dream about feeding kads, and your dream self is quite skilled. When you wake up, you are mildly disappointed that you didn't feed as much as you wanted to. The subject of your dream does not seem odd to you, but you recognize that it would be best if you didn't mention it to anyone. People might judge.

Visiting the Kadoatery is often the first thing you think about in the morning, even when you don't necessarily have time to devote to it. Sometimes you'll check the Kadoatery Times and Lists Thread prior to even brushing your teeth. You know that there's a possibility, however slim, that the main could go in those five minutes.

Incidentally, checking on the Kadoatery is also the last thing you think about at night. You regularly find yourself trying to justify staying up late in order to feed one last kad. You're often sleep-deprived as a result, but you can't bring yourself to care enough to change your behavior.

You've started sleeping during odd hours of the day—mostly when the SDB feeders seem to be dominating the Kadoatery. And you make it your life's mission to be on during slower hours, such as around midnight NST. Because priorities.

You start keeping track of how many kads you can feed each day, and even go as far as to set a feeding quota. The number actually brings you an abnormal amount of joy and you take a great deal of satisfaction in checking on it.

Your shop is full of failed kad feeds. You're constantly considering expanding your shop to make more room. You've actually started depositing the evidence of your failure into your SDB, just because you need room in your inventory to buy more kad food. As a matter of fact, your inventory is actually full of foods as well.

You still attempt to feed even when there are only 4 kads in the main. It's nearly impossible, and you can't manage it most of the time, but you persevere. It's worth the effort.

Kadoatie Biscuits are basically the bane of your existence. (Seriously, would you guys mind letting more of these things restock?! How can they be fed when they're hardly even on the market?)

Your non-kadding friends know all about this biscuit fiasco because it is almost literally the only thing you are able to talk about. Seriously, they must be so bored of you by now.

You wrote this article and submitted it to the Neopian Times primarily to draw TNT's attention to the need for more Kadoatie Biscuits. You're actually fairly certain that they already know, but you figure a little more attention couldn't hurt.

You recognize that after reaching 75 feeds, there is no discernible reward for continuing to feed. Discounting, of course, the lovely feeling of satisfaction you get when you realize that you've managed to feed again. Or that you've fed next to one of your friends. Somehow that's okay with you. You've learned to embrace it.

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


The Top 10 "Forgotten" Links
I'm going to refresh your memory and encourage you to visit some of the places many of us don't think of that often. Read on to find out which places are mentioned!

by goobernoodle


The Zaf Girls
Finally, some for us!

by thesovietivan


A Question of Loyalty - Part 5
"This is it: Maintenance Tunnel Level 25-C."

by crainwater


The Gross Food Movement
As your culinary experts, we will guide you through Neopia to seek out and taste test the grossest foods we can find.

Also by flufflepuff

by hufflepuff

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.