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Enhancing Your Halloween with Super-SCIENCE!

by parody_ham


Also by homsar_eggplant

In a dingy old castle upon a hill top, a crazed, lab-coat-wearing green Techo runs rampant, tinkering with machines and mixing flasks of colorful chemicals. He turns to face a stone wall with an "audience" sign nailed to the slab and proceeds to smash the wall with a mallet, cackling maniacally as he does. The springs of his googly eye glasses bounce up and down with every word and brush up against a large tuft of white hair.

Necrotic: Greeting, humble servants and assistants! Welcome to my Lab-or-a-tory! Today, we have a delightfully terrifying treat! What is the topic in question? Glad you asked! Today, I will be focusing on improving the best of Neopian holidays: HALLOWEEN! He raises his arms into the air, as if in praise; atmospheric lightning whites out the lab for a few seconds followed by bellowing thunder. And what better method of doing so with... THE POWERS OF SUPER-SCIENCE!

His maniacal laughs echo through the lab.

Joining me today is a very special guest! So special, in fact, even she isn't aware of her guest status. Please, give a weird welcome to...

He pulls a comically oversized lever, causing all sorts of bizzaro-electrodudads to react in a violent shaking manner. Bolts of electricity, presumably from the storm, spring back and forth above a metal container capable of fitting a normal sized Neopian. It is made of rusted cogs, assorted sheets of scrap metal, and a satellite dish branded with a faded Virtupets logo. A brilliant flash of light illuminates the lab for a split second. At that moment, a Darigan Kougra donning a long golden dress tumbles forward, slamming into a cabinet that holds neon green, glowing chemicals.

Necrotic: You weren't the package I or—I mean, you're not a scientist, are you?

Mystery Kougra: Still disoriented from impact, the Kougra waves a paw as if addressing a crowd of fans. Is this where the Miss Altador tryouts are being held?

Necrotic grimaces, his face contorting in reaction to the uninvited guest's befuddled state.

Necrotic: Why, of course it is. If you head back inside... he pushes the Kougra back into the pod ... the makeup room is to your left, I promise. Either that or mutated Kadoaties. I always confuse the two.

Mystery Kougra: Oh! Makeup you say? She claps her paws together. Is it fashionable?

Necrotic places a palm on his forehead and wipes it down his face to reveal a glower.

Necrotic: Yes, yes, all that and more. Now be gone with you!

He slams the same lever, causing his hodgepodge of machinery to activate once more, this time shooting rainbow colored beams throughout the lab. The Kougra disappears in a veil of black smoke. Necrotic bounces around frantically, barely avoiding the blasts of radiant light. He then turns toward another wall. It too is labeled with the word "audience."

Necrotic: She's fine, really! Now, let's try that again...

Necrotic slinks over to his machine and repeats the activation process, nearly prancing about the lab as his machine chugs and as steel bolts spew from the machine. His lab coat swings about in a jubilant dance. Pressure gauges crack while steam pours out of metal cracks. As Necrotic turns to face his portal device, a surge of energy washes over the room as the device explodes. In its wake, Necrotic brushes the charred ash off his face as a silhouette of a Draik flops to the ground. She exhales a cloud of black soot.

Necrotic: The experiment is a success! Now, he drums a finger against his chin, what to do about my machine...

The Draik lifts herself off the stone floor and brushes some ash off her now soiled lab coat. She then attempts to ring out soot out of her blonde ponytail. The name "Haibara" is engraved on a plastic name tag. It seems to match the eventide hue of her scales.

Haibara: Excuse me, but what in Neopia is going on?

Necrotic: It's alive! Ahahaha, I'm a genius! It's alllliiiiiivvvveeeee!

Haibara: Riiiiight.... She eyes him with suspicion. Where am I? And furthermore, why did you pull me away from my experiments?

Necrotic: Simple, young protégée! I have an experiment of my own!

Haibara: You mean... had. She kicks a piece of scrap metal labeled with the words, 'property of Doctor Sloth,' and gasps. I'd love to help and all, but I was taking care of a rather volatile solution and I think it needs monitoring or...

In the distance, a massive explosion is heard while a giant green mushroom cloud surfaces somewhere near Faerieland.

Necrotic: Pity, as if they haven't dealt with enough.

Haibara: My lab!

Necrotic: I guess this frees up your schedule, eh?

Haibara clenches her fists. Steam appears to be coming out of her large, dragon-like ears not unlike the steaming piles of rubble that once belonged to the teleporter.

Necrotic: Don't worry, I know tons of insurance agents—they're mad scientist approved! He nudges Haibara, who grumbles under her breath. Now, let's get to business! I brought you here because I needed one of the best and brightest of Neopia.

Necrotic picks up a cane from the "audience" wall and raises it the air. A small flame erupts from the rubble. Sprinklers go off a second later, drenching both Neopians.

Necrotic: No, no! Not now!

The Techo claps his hands twice as the sprinklers cease.

Haibara: She eyes the display and sighs gruffly. Okay, I'll play your little game. That is, as long as you're willing to cover all of my property damage.

Necrotic: Worry not, my protégé, all will be covered. As I said, I know Neopians.

Haibara: Sure, fine, whatever. Now, what do you need me for?

Necrotic: SCIENCE! He flails his fists wildly into the air, reminiscent of the 'Crazy Techo Fan' that frequents the Altador Cup.

Haibara: Uhh, what specifically?

Necrotic: The greatest outlet for all creative minds... HALLOWEEN!

Haibara slams her front paw against her forehead, leaving a large, red imprint.

Haibara: You've got to be joking...

Necrotic: Not at all! Let the fun begin! For sure you have many brilliant concepts?

Haibara's posture slumps a bit; she exhales loudly.

Haibara: Well, I guess I have one concept... She clears her throat. Why bother walking from house to house when you can create your own minion to do it for you. I call my creation, the "Trick-or- Treat-o-matic!"

Necrotic: Yes, yes.... He rubs his hands together as a manic smile spreads across his face. A flesh golem!

Haibara: No, more like a robot.

Necrotic's arms fall to their sides as his eyes slightly narrow.

Necrotic: Beh, still an automaton, but not as cool as my automaton!

Haibara rolls her eyes.

Haibara: Really! Why am I here if all you're going to do is mock my creations?

Necrotic: Well, you see, I don't get guests very often. It makes me very lonely. Necrotic looks down toward the ground in shame as he dramatically poses his arms; one is pushing against his head while the other outstretched toward the sky. Plus, I've always wants to converse with a fellow genius mind. He raises his hands toward Haibara.

Haibara: Genius, huh? She grins. I like that. Okay, then. Well, here's a question for you: how do you deal with the peskier pranksters out there? You know, kids outside for a mean spirited joke, no puns intended of course.

Necrotic: Well, that's simple! Take note of my Arboretum beyond the castle walls; quite lovely isn't it?

Haibara: Yeah, but what's the point? They're trees. They sit there and photosynthesize.

Necrotic: Exactly, but now use your imagination! With the powers of their own energy, mixed with SCIENCE, I've turned them into the most non-conspicuous security system ever conceived. Enter the troublesome interloper with malicious intent. Voila! My wonderful tree grabs the little brat within its branches, hurling the squirt to parts of Neopia unknown. What happens next? Well, I'm not sure. So far, I've only gotten three lawsuits, so I'll call it a success. How about you?

Haibara: Oi vey. I, as a true scientist, have thought of something much more practical. When the little ones come and ask for treats, I take out one of my ingenious rays. Of course, I would have this ingenious ray if it wasn't destroyed in an explosion. She glares at him, coughing loudly; he shrugs.. This device zaps their pounds of teeth-rotting sweets and turns them into only the healthiest of organic products known to Neopian kind: broccoli and spinach.

Necrotic gasps and takes a step back.

Necrotic: And here I thought I was sinister...

Haibara: Sinister? She places her paws on her hips. I'm only helping to sharpen impressionable young minds with proper brain food.

Necrotic raises an eyebrow.

Necrotic: You talk of brain food; let me show you brain-augmentation! Now there's potential for Halloween fun!

Necrotic claps twice, a Meepit with a collar around its head and grotesquely swollen brain shambles forward and tugs at Necrotic's lab jacket.

Necrotic: Isn't he precious? With the power of bio-engineering, I've render this fearful fiend into the ultimate butler. He looks down at the pitiful creature. We'll have two lemonades, and please, mix in extra SCIENCE! The abomination nods and waddles off. Behold! No longer do you need to answer the door for relentless candy grabbing little demons. Now, you can get someone else to do it for you. What do you think?

Haibara: I think you're insane!

Necrotic stamps one foot on the ground as he kicks the "audience" wall.

Necrotic: I am not insane, just a bit on the mad side! Oh, and my apologies, good audience. I do not mean to hurt you.

Haibara: And I'm a flying Meowclops circling the globe. I'm sure "they," uh, believe you. Anyway, I've done some work in what the superstitious call, "the paranormal." You see, I think our world is connected to another reality called, "The Otherworld."

Necrotic: Other World? Sounds like my attic. I swear, it seems to go on forever. It's truly bigger on the inside!

Haibara: Ah-ha.... I'm sure it is. Is your closet blue?

Necrotic: What SCIENCE is this? How would you know?

Haibara: Just a hunch. Anyway, with my ectoplasmic tracking computer, I can make contact with what most Neopians like to rationalize as "ghosts" or thought patterns that remain active after death.

Necrotic: Ah, the restless dead! I've had much experience with them! Thanks to this tome, Necrotic pulls out a vile tome which vaguely resembles a face, I've had many wonderful evenings chatting with brilliant personalities such as Nox and some Darigan Eyrie fellow in old Medieval garb. His voice lowers to a whisper. He's a crank.

Disembodied voice: I HEARD THAT!

Both of them jump back.

Necrotic: He does that sometimes, pay him no mind. Thanks to this beautiful binding spell, none of these spooky specters can leave me—even they wanted to. From the book's pages, an incantation can be heard. The tome glows red briefly.

Haibara: Uh, what just happened?

Necrotic: Nothing, it does that occasionally. I'll figure it out one day.

Haibara: I'm sure you will.

The Meepit returns with two glasses of "lemonade." One is bright red and glowing, the other lime green with two blue eyeballs floating in the mix. They're staring at Haibara, making her restless.

Necrotic: JUNIOR! What is the meaning of this?

The creature pouts before waddling away.

Necrotic: I think you've had enough work for today. Be a good junior and go play out in the arboretum.

It nods, continuing along its way.

Haibara: But isn't that where—

Necrotic: Nonsense! The trees love him. Just as they loved Junior Junior before him.

Haibara's eyes bulge.

Haibara: Yeah, I think I've had enough "SCIENCE" for one day.

Necrotic: One can never have too much SCIENCE!

Haibara: Well, I have a lab to rebuild and you have... I really don't know.

Necrotic: He raises an eyebrow. You need your lab rebuilt? He whistles a loud, off-key tune, which summons a hoard of disfigured Feepits. Now, Junior, Junior, and Junior, I want all of you to hop into Daddy's cloning machine. This fine Draik here needs a new lab and I have the perfect solution...

Incomprehensible gibber is his only response as they blindly walk towards the machine, a bulky gray colored contraption the size of a small bathroom with all sorts of gears, electrical coils, and wires tacked in crude asymmetry. The gears begin to whirl, wire-like tubes transfer a malicious looking glowing purple liquid, and bursts of blue fire hop from one oddly placed coil to the next. After a few minutes, a few thousand Feepits flood the laboratory and begin to bull rush into Haibara. Necrotic turns to face his "audience."

Necrotic: Thus, another Halloween with your favorite scientist concludes with a bang!

Necrotic turns toward Haibara, now tackled by Feepits and in the process of being carried away. A couple Feepits break off from and grab the "audience" sign, chucking it outside before returning to the mutant amalgamation.

Necrotic: My army of Juniors will lead you to the door...

A mixture of confusion and terror washes over her face as she is carried away by a mob of mutants.

Haibara: Ah! Let go of me! She tries to no avail to fight off the hoard.

Necrotic cracks a smile and wipes a tear from his eye.

Necrotic: They grow up so fast!

He turns to the "audience" once more as Haibara's shouts echo throughout the laboratory.

Necrotic: The disembodied voices, Junior, and I hope you enjoyed your stay! Have a spook-tastic Halloween of SCIENCE!

The End

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