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Neopian Food Reviews

by chocolateisamust


Also by yugiohjorge32

FOOD SHOP – If you have ever been to the Food Shop, located in the Neopian Central bazaar, you are sure to have seen hundreds of different types of food. So many different types and flavors; grilled, fried, baked and roasted; if it’s a food, it’s bound to be stocked some time or another at the Food Shop. However, I highly doubt you’ve tasted all of these foods, both because of lack of Neopoints and fear of bad taste. So, to be branded honorable Neopians, my friend Ery and I decided to take on the duty of tasting different types of Neopian foods to report back to you if they’re worth buying! So, alas, here are our results:

White and Milk Chocolate Lupes- De-licious! Available in two (yes, you heard me; two!) delectable flavors, these chocolate treats with have you pining for more.


Poisonous Lollypop - Er… um… to be blunt; it causes a mass of purple bumps to appear on your skin. See? –points to Ery- Er… yeah…

Asparagus and Leek Sandwiches - These are awesomely----SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED! Adam steals all of your asparagus!!! IT'S ALL MINE!!!!!! That was random! o.O

Dung Cream Sandwich - It was great until we realized what it was made of. Then it wasn’t so great anymore.

Poisonous Jelly - See Poisonous Lollypop.

Green Doughnut - Mmm… doughnut. This splendid dessert left my mouth watering. Buy at least a dozen or you’ll be sorry. They’re that good!

Sand Orange - It was great! Except the spitting sand for 2 hours part.

Ergy Pizza - Delicious! And great if you want your tongue to glow in the dark!

Gingerbread House - Note to self: the gum drop buttons are NOT edible!

Orange Filled Jacket Potato - Odd combination. Sour and bland and tangy all in one. Okay… I guess. Worth buying… sort of.

Fried Egg - Sweet mother of Weewoos; what they don’t tell us in the description is that it’s a Lenny egg! DO NOT EAT! IF YOU DO, YOU’LL UPSET THE LENNIES! And upset Lennies are… annoying.


NC: Calm down, dude. They're made up of flour!

Ery: Umm..... I knew that.

Flaming Hot Dog - WATER!!! WATER!!!!! *dies*

Caramel Flavoured Kougra Milk - -gasp- You flavor Kougras caramel and then jam them into a glass of milk? Oh, the horror, the horror! –faints-

Carrot Fizz Achyfi - This is great for overly hyper Cybunnies!

Caffeine Free Neocola - Sure, it’s caffeine free. Or at least, that’s what WANT you to think. –shifty eyes-

Plain Shoyru Meatball – Eeeeewwww… Shoyrus? In a meatball? I think I’m going to be sick.

Ery: It’s not Shoyru meat, NC; get a clue.

NC: …then what IS it?

Ery: o_0

Pineapple - Yum! Tangy, exotic goodness! Just be cautious of the pointy shell. It DOES bite!

Orange Ixi Drink - Delicious! The orangey taste lingers in your mouth for at least 2 months!

Yellow Snowball - So… -wheeze-… good.

Ery: NC, that’s not a food.

NC: Whaddya mean it’s not a food?

Ery: I mean… it’s not a food.

NC: …oh.

Big Bag of Sweets - They’re not very sweet. It’s false advertisement. Not to mention they have brain-control sugar in them! Defeat Sloth! Let Neopians life without fear! –waves flag-

Krawk Apple - Dear Fyora, you stuffed a Krawk inside an apple?

Chocolate Chia Treat - All I can say is that I don’t want to know what the yellow stuff is. Seriously.

Frozen Meaty Sandwich - OW, MY TEETH!

Lemon Meringue Baby Food - I fed it to my baby Kougra and she thought it was gross. I fed it to Ery and he thought it was gross. I fed it to myself and I thought it was gross. I fed it to Sloth and he thinks it’s wonderful. So, if you like Sloth, it’s wonderful, otherwise, don’t even bother to purchase one can.

Buzz Honey - OW! THE BEES STING!

NC: Tsk, tsk, Ery, do not insult the Buzzes! They are NOT bees, for the last time!

Purple Negg - GROSS! It was GROSS! The taste still hovers in my mouth like a GROSS thing! It is NOT delicious like the description says! NOT AT ALL!

Super Sticky Kacheek Candy Apple - It tastes delicious! That is, if you can get it in your mouth. Or, out of your mouth for that matter.

1/3 Cheese and Onion Omelette - Mmm… omelette. But I am left wondering where the other 2/3 is. I mean… it is kind of creepy, really, that most of it’s gone.

Lemon and Thornberry Jelly - The jelly's great, but I haven't tried the Thornberries. *eats* ........ *chokes*

Artichoke Cupcake - Ew. Like totally and utterly ew. My stomach still hasn’t recovered from the miniscule bite I took.

Lemon Snow Puff - Shiiiiiiinyyyy.....

Pizza - Er, it’s pizza. Simply pizza. So, if you like pizza, buy it; if not, don’t.

Spotty Cheese Wedge - Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum! I LOVE this food! So good! Splendidly awesome! Go out and buy a thousand!

Bar of Soap - I do not know how to describe the wonderful features of this food. Bubbly, slippery, and wonderful. It is a blessing to your tongue, a miracle invention. This is my ABSOLUTE favorite food ever, ever, ever, ever, ever created. It is superb. I cannot begin to explain how. It just IS. So special, so wonderful, so absolutely tasty!

Ery: Um… NC?

NC: -eating a Bar of Soap- Yeah?

Ery: Sad to break it you, but that’s not exactly edible.

NC: Oh, you just want to take my darling soap away! –sobs and runs off-

Green Apple - So.... it's an apple. That's it. Yeah. O-0 Umm… -twiddles thumbs-


So, there you have it, Neopian food reviews. Please, take this guide with you next time you go shopping; it will save you much pain and bad tasting food. Plus, it’ll guarantee you that no purple spots appear on your skin after eating poisoned foods, because you’ll be too smart to buy the poisoned foods after reading this.

Anyways, this is Ery and NC, not live from a glass of milk, and… CUT!

-lights go out and everybody screams-

A/N: Yay, an article. Or something. ANYWAYS, we both like Neomails so feel free to Neomail either of us^^ I’m chocolateisamust and he (Ery) be yugiohjorge32. –stalks around- Okey-dokey then, buh-bye for now!

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