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Pie versus Cake: The Sweetest Food Throwdown

by seoulful


The cupcake versus muffin showdown has already been brought to a close here at the Neopian Times, and cupcakes prevailed with a respectable margin. But what about the ancestor of the cupcake – the cake? Cake is undeniably a popular dessert here in Neopia, but what about its equally favored arch enemy, the pie? Stacked up against one another, can the cake maintain the undefeated reputation of its mini-me, the cupcake? Or will the pie take a stand and... dare I say it... take the cake? Keep reading, and you'll find out who is the best full-sized dessert.

Together, we will investigate each dessert's functionality, taste and appearance. Then we shall discuss just what the voters had to say about their own sweet tooth cravings.

First up is the cake! When we think of cake, we think of bright colors, frosting, confetti, party hats and candles. It is most appropriate for the jovial atmosphere created when we celebrate our favorite holiday with our favorite people!

1. Functionality – Cake is a much-loved dessert, which serves the purpose of celebrating a special occasion after a large savoury meal. Cakes can be baked to serve anywhere from two to a hundred people! And each portion can be as generous as you'd like. The "cake" part of the cake gives the dessert true substance, allowing the eater to feel undoubtedly full after one or two satisfying slices. The frosting is commonly a favorite part of the cake, as young pets and adult Neopians alike cannot get enough of the thick, crystalline sugary goodness. Cakes are used in media as a universally-recognized symbol of birthdays; however, they can also be used for special pet holidays, pet adoption celebrations, and get well soon desserts.

2. Taste – Cakes over all get one and half thumbs up for taste. Because cakes come in so many varieties, it is difficult to find someone who refuses to eat any cake whatsoever. Cakes can come in the standard chocolate and vanilla flavors, but there are even more exciting ones out there as well! Lemon Swirl Usul Cake, Glaring Cheesecake, and Strawberry Shortcake are all popular, just to name a few! For the sophisticated Neopian, there is delicious Chai Tea Cake, Chestnut Shortcake, and Chomato Pudding Cake. The more adventurous cake lovers indulge in Radioactive Sloth Cake, Pinecone Cake and Steak Cake. Yum yum!

So why not a full two thumbs up? Well, there are some bad cakes out there too, believe it or not. How about that pesky Plain Fruitcake that Aunt Meryl keeps sending you every holiday? You know you can't possibly bare that bland, gummy cake any more than we can. It just sits around and stares at you for ages while you try to forget it is even there. Impossible to re-gift and crusty after about a week, we just could not let our cake forget about its evil second cousin, the Plain Fruitcake.

And we won't even go near the Scab Cake; what were they thinking...

3. Appearance – Behind every cake there is a decorator, and every cake decorator does his or her best to make every cake a masterpiece. Cakes come in layers, making them tall and quite impressive. Frosting can come in a multitude of colors, why just look at the Uni Rainbow Cake! You can bet frosting is the secret to the cakes perfect score in appearance. Anything can be piped on a cake with frosting - flowers, flourishes, words, you name it! The Rose Cake is a perfect example of that. Neopians also find it enjoyable when a cake is made after something they recognize, such as their own pet or a landmark. Sakhmet Palace Cake has won awards for its grand appearance. Those who own a Chocolate Kyrii will do a double take when they see a Super Creamy Kyrii Cake on a buffet table. And of course, cake lends itself nicely to sculptors of all ages, who make cakes shaped from novas to Shenkuu!

Next up, pie! Not 3.14 Pi, but delicious, homemade, Holy-Gnorbus-I-wish-my-Neohome-smelled-like-this pie. Unlike the cake, pie is not about being the life of the party. It's about comfort food, hominess and evenings with Grandma Roo. Let's explore what this soothing dessert has to offer.

1. Functionality – While your baby neopet may say otherwise, cake is certainly not a full meal. However, pie certainly can be! Savoury pies are always a delicious dinner option here in Neopia. Mince meat, cheese, eggs, and veggies all fill full-sized and personal portion pies for your pet to eat comfortably at home, or easily on the go. But what about dessert? Well, who says you can't have two pies in one day? Fruit, chocolate, and nut pies make the perfect finish for any feast, no matter the day. Pies may not be the stars of the party, but they can certainly steal the meal.

And if you're really against eating pies, you can at least enjoy throwing them at your pets in the midst of a classic food fight. For those more aggressively anti-pie, you can even blast them away when playing Carnival of Terror!

2. Taste – Meat chunks and berries in pies, oh my! To think that over that endless delicious filling there is a warm, buttery crust that flakes in your mouth and practically melts. Mmm... -wipes away drool- How does pie taste? Incredible, we say! Beef Stew Pie is a great choice for family dinners, and Broccoli Mince Pie is a clever way to get your pets eating their vegetables. They won't even notice the broccoli among all the cheesy mince meat. Don't feel like being healthy? Try the Deep Fried Pie for a fun Friday Night meal! Change up your next barbecue with a Hot Dog and Beans Pie instead of plain old Ultimate Burgers. The Tasty Pie is so delicious you won't even question what is inside.

Oh my, I could go on and on about savoury pies, but I know you're waiting to hear about the sweet pies, and boy are they sweet. Lenny Meringue Pie will have feathers over heels in love. The fun colors of Passionberry Pie will lure you in and win you over with its tropical kick. White Chocolate Mince Pie will surely please any choco craving you may have. Coconut Cream Pie will bring you straight to Mystery Island for a sunny picnic on the beach. Having purple teeth is a small sacrifice for the juiciness of the Blue Berry Pie and the Blackberry Pie. Who can think about Thanksgiving without craving that spicy Pumpkin Pie? All pies go perfect with ice cream, but none more so than the Gold Blumaroo Ice Cream Pie! Hot, cold, flakey and creamy all in one. You know you just can't run from temptation. And if you're feeling extra puckish and crave something both sweet and savory, Caramel Apple Mince Pies and Marmalade Mince Pies should satisfy you perfectly.

3. Appearance – You may think that cakes have the advantage here, but I'd argue that pies put up a pretty could showing! Pie makers from all over Neopia have found new ways and classic techniques on keeping the façade of pies as fresh as they are baked! Twirly Fruit Creme Pies are shaped just like Twirly Fruit – the perfect way to show someone what kind of pie you have baked without making one of those annoying signs to put near your pie. Spooky Raspberry Pie is fun for all Halloween parties, as the pink ghoul on the pie's surface is as scary as some of the costumes you'll see! The Starry Gelert Pie has been appropriately designed after its namesake. You won't be able to resist taking aim at the Bullseye Pie and Bullseye Cream Pie. The Baked Apple Pi Pie... well, you can only imagine what that pie is shaped to resemble. The Christmas Bruce Frosted Pie is iced so well it could be mistaken for a cake! And the Fantastic Fly Pie looks surprisingly realistic – it's like there are actual flies on top! Oh... wait...

Both the cake and the pie have done quite well so far – in fact, I would say they are evenly matched! So how will we declare a winner? Ask Neopia, of course! Here are some comments Neopians had to say when asked "Cake or Pie?":

(All names of Neopians are kept anonymous for protection... we know bakers from both sides are reading!)

"Pie for sure! Do you have any idea how annoying it is having a Slice of Neopets 7th Birthday Cake fall and land in your lap every few days? All of my good skirts ruined. And the cake can missed a few times and hit my poor White Kacheek a few times. Chocolate is the worst on her fur, you know. What baker drops pies from the sky, anyway?"

"I'd have to say cake takes it! Pi is annoying, I hate math you know... oh, you mean edible pie. Hm. That Gold Blumaroo Ice Cream Pie does sound amazing now that you mention it... I love ice cream. And pie crust. Pie it is!"

"Pie! Here in Meridell, we LOVE our Chunky Potato Pie! Haven't you wondered where all those Extreme Potato Counter potatoes go after they've been thrown around for you to count? We need to you to count them for our pie recipe! Oh, maybe I shouldn't have told you that... "

And the winner is... PIE! While cake is of course appreciated for any special occasion, you can't beat the versatility or comforting qualities of pie. For cake lovers out there who may be disappointed with this result, don't be too PIE-ous! Join us in our love for pie, and remember that we too love birthday cake as much as you. And soon, I'm sure that everyone will be running to get their favorite cakes and pies from the Breadmaster's Bakery for their own favorite pick!

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