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The Laziest Games in Neopia


by shusu_chan

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You all know the feeling: you drag yourself in from school or work or saving the world. You have no ambition at all beyond playing games on Neopets. The trouble is that you're so tired, you barely want to lift a finger. Good news! There are plenty of games which only require – as the Mystery Island sages say – one finger clicking. A player can recline in their chair or flop on the floor or huddle under their blanket, and they only need an arm sticking out and a fingertip to click. This guide will list these games for you, with no dragging, no holding, and no extra keys. Now that King Roo has unveiled the new, easier-to-navigate Games Room, it's even simpler to play the laziest games in Neopia.

First off, the games of Luck and Chance are almost all one-click games, so they won't be listed in full. If you're too lazy to read this article, then you can go straight there! It goes without saying that Dice-A-Roo is the ultimate in laziness. There are also the Meridell games (try the Worlds menu), and the various Wheels (try the new tags). The card games should not be overlooked if only because half of them allow pets to insult your skills, with no effort on your part.

However, many of those games need NP. If you've reached the ultra lazy stage, going to the bank may be too much work. There's always the two daily clicks: the Fruit Machine and the Tombola. The Qasalan Expellibox might get your pet sick, which may ruin your lazy gaming. Besides, we want to play more than once, because ending a lazy streak potentially means doing less lazy things. Dar-BLAT!!! almost makes the cut for only using the space bar, but inevitably you have to pick your hand up to click on the restart button. (Take that, Darblat.) So which games of chance are the laziest in Neopia? The classic Kacheek Seek, and one of my new favorites, Dice of Destiny. The latter requires some math, proving that lazy games can be clever too.

Speaking of smarts, the Strategy category offers a small variety of games that will bust your brain without busting your paw. Keep in mind that most of them pit you against a less leisurely time limit. Being a rotating match-3 game, Slorgs in Space is likely the mellowest of the lot. Techo Says is a classic Neopets memory game. If you fancy some tower defense, Biscuit Brigade is all clicks and no fuss. Sorceror's Skirmish is a challenging chess-like battle. One of the most frenzied puzzle games is ironically also among the laziest: Goparokko. On the fence are two games with a slower pace and involving lots of hand-eye coordination: the always taxing Buzzer Game and Tyrannian Mini Golf.

There are actually several one-click games in the Puzzle category. However, moving elements are included in several of them. Though Attack of the Marblemen, Lost in Space Fungus, and Piper Panic are technically lazy games, they also require a bit of quick timing to get around or to moving objects. Meanwhile, there are other games with a timer or bonus timer. Kiko Match II and its cousin Petpet Pair-up, Meepit Juice Break, Roodoku, Spellseeker, Spinacles, Sutek's Tomb, Time Tunnel, Wingoball, and the unconfirmed existence of Scourge of the Lab Jellies all put you on the clock. Whether these are low-intensity depends on your taste for clicking with ticking. I'm one of those bizarre players who thinks Meepit Juice Break actually is a nice break, and I'm sure most of you will disagree.

That leaves the laziest puzzle games: Cellblock, Chemistry for Beginners, Shapeshifter, Snot Splatter, and Sewage Surfer. Lazy and aromatic! They are also among the most difficult mental challenges, so it's a good thing you have all the time in the world to figure them out. These games are all played on grids, which makes it easy on your eyes and your mouse. Neggsweeper technically makes the cut. However, one has to hold down the control key to flag neggs, a necessity in higher levels. That is unless you've got skills like AAA, of course. Arguably these games get easier as you ascend into AAA levels of mental acuity. Repeated gameplay can sharpen your pattern-recognition skills, which in turn make them more relaxing. As they say: laze smarter, not harder.

Now, the criteria has to change for Action games, seeing as they're full of action. The vast majority of relevant games are shooters – you have to point and move. So which games have only one or the other? Ice Cream Machine, Sophie's Stew, and Super Hasee Bounce. (Feed Florg can be played with a mouse, though I've found the controls to be trickier than with the arrow keys.) None of these need any clicking besides between levels. All the animated energy stays on the screen, while you spend very little energy at all. If for some reason you do want to get up and exert yourself afterwards, these games can ease you into more lively activities.

All this disqualifies some popular relaxing games which still deserve a mention. Top Chop and Splat-A-Sloth have the Darblat problem in that you can't put away the mouse between levels. And it would be remiss to leave out Kass Basher, which can be played with just one click, though its winning techniques need more mousing finesse. If those shooters are your idea of relaxed, and you're too lazy to hunt for them, the one-clicks include: Cooty Wars, Carnival of Terror, Evil Fuzzles from Beyond the Stars,The Haunted Shootery, Itchy Invasion, Invasion: Blastoids, Snowball Fight, and Snowbeast Snackrifice. Freaky Factory and Hasee Bounce aren't shooters but have comparable moving elements. And a very interesting game which may or may not exist is Bouncy Supreme. This puts your aim to the test and against the clock, proving that jelly is no pushover even when wobbling along.

What is the laziest category of games? Card and Board games are all one-click wonders, except for one. Key Quest does all the heavy lifting for the entire category. (It should be noted that Eye of the Storm has a lot of movement and a clock. Personally I find it soothing enough to stay on the list.) You can even be lazy with a friend or three in The Great Desert Race, though you would forgo earning NP. The flip side is the busy Adventure group. The sole lazy jaunts there are the amazing Fetch! and the epic NeoQuest and NeoQuest II. As any NQer can tell you, that's recommended for those with many hours of laziness at their disposal.

Now you're ready to sit back and wile away your lazy days playing every kind of game in Neopia. It's not as though anyone is daring you to beat a high score every day or anything crazy like that. That would be too much work!

 
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