Come dance with the Wanderers... Circulation: 187,548,790 Issue: 518 | 28th day of Collecting, Y13
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

An Odd Interview With Arnold


by starry_pride

--------

We've all been to the Deserted Fairground, right? We've stopped by the crazy stands and we've played the weird games. But a classic favourite is definitely the Test Your Strength. So this week the Neopian Times had the pleasure of interviewing Test Your Strength's very own worker, Arnold. I'm sure you've met him, but what do you REALLY know about him? Here goes!

Us: So, Arnold, thank you for doing this interview with us.

Arnold: Ehehehe, it's my pleasure! Free publicity? My dashing looks splayed across the cover of newspapers everywhere? Yes, I say!

Us: Um... right... Anyways, what's it like running the Test Your Strength?

Arnold: It's great, a bunch of poor suckers always think they can beat the rigged game! I mean, haha, there's always plenty of interesting Neopets passing by... who happen to be bored and have lots of Neopoints...

Us: Why did you set up in the Deserted Fairground?

Arnold: We're friends, right? Yeah, we're friends. And since we're friends I'm going to let you in on a little secret, okay? The Deserted Fairground is where all the dejected souls go. You know, those who dreamed big, but life didn't exactly live up to their expectations. So they're wandering around, their heads filled with negative thoughts and they come across my little old booth, all lit up and dressed up fancy like, and it catches their attention. And here's another secret; I'm charming. I'm good looking, and I'm very charming. So I cast out my line, sink my hook into one of those weirdos – I mean, poor Neopets – and I reel them in. Kaching! They're addicted to my game. They gotta keep coming back.

Us: Right... But don't you ever feel sorry for them? Don't you think they might want, like, a hug? Or a cookie? Especially those who lose? Everyone likes cookies!

Arnold: Hugs? Cookies? I'm not a mommy! I'm an entrepreneur! I'm the CEO of my own company here! I don't give away anything, especially not hugs or cookies! Bah! And for your information, no, everyone does not like cookies. I do not like cookies. They're way too... happy... I mean, sugar just doesn't appeal to me. How can anyone eat something that fills your mouth with sweetness and that just lights up your taste buds?

Us: Well, what foods do you like? What's your FAVOURITE food?

Arnold: I like Spooky Foods. They're pretty tasty. I'm personally a fan of the Squishy Brain Wrap. They're cheap, and DELICIOUS. Ehehehe!

Us: I guess that WRAPS up our interview! Hehehe...

Arnold: But I was only just getting started... I mean, this interviews only, like, 300 words long! You need more content! That's how you get recurring customers. Make the first visit a pleasant one, then they come back again, you know, we talked about this, get reeled in, etcetera, etcetera!

Us: Oh, very well then, how about YOU ask the questions then, hunh?

Arnold: FINE. First question – What's the point of a pun? Darlings, they're just making you look lame.

Us: Well, they're punny! ...No? Ok... Uhm, well, they're supposed to be funny. Like, it's sort of a play on words, using a close-sounding word that means a different thing to replace a word and like, make a joke. It's hard to explain. Ask the Internet, ok? And you know, TNT likes them, so it makes your stuff more likely to get published!

Arnold: TNT? I do like dynamite... Hehe... But what do you mean? Dynamite publishing things? Pfft!

Us: Have you ever left the Deserted Fairground? TNT stands for The Neopets Team. They sort of make sure everyone is safe around Neopia. Make sure everything is fair and stuff. What does this have to do with us? An interview is SUPPOSED to be about who you're interviewing.

Arnold: Well, you were interviewing me, but then you made me ask the questions about you so you were interviewing yourself... Because you were the original interviewer! AHAH! –snicker-

Us: Hunh? Just ask the questions!

Arnold: Ok, ok. Hm... A question about you... Erm... Hehe... What's YOUR favourite food?

Us: Hey, that's copying our question! Oh, never mind. We like many foods around Neopia. Well, Neopia Central at least, especially food from the Chocolate Factory. Unlike some odd Neopets, WINKWINK, we love sugary things. You could say we've each got a bit of a sweet tooth. Well, some of us have a sock tooth, but that's a different story.

Arnold: This isn't getting me any publicity, ask me questions again!

Us: Ok, yeesh. Let's be serious. Is your game rigged? Because I saw the fear in your eyes when I mentioned TNT patrolling Neopia...

Arnold: Don't be silly! Ask around; you can win stuff! Good stuff! Occasionally! ...when I oil it. And I oil it often, like every year or so! Ehehe! No, the real reason I'm rarely giving things away is that the muscles on Neopets these days are puny! Weak! Pathetic! Useless! Yes, that's the real reason! May I suggest you advertise my fitness collection? My weight lifting set, and my book about-?

Us: No, that's alright. Please don't. Now we're almost out of time now, so a couple more questions. How do you feel about Halloween?

Arnold: Are you kidding? Step into my shoes. You're a business Mynci with a money-making booth set up in a Halloween hot spot. How would you feel about Halloween? You'd be giddy with excitement, that's what! I just need a few more thousand Neopoints and I can move out of Mommy's – I mean, I can expand my businesses past the Deserted Fairground.

Us: Oh, you have more besides the Test Your Strength booth?

Arnold: Ehehehe, well, duh! Uhm, I just can't remember their names right now so I can't tell you what they are. So don't ask. And don't look for them. Because... I don't want you to repel customers... Haha...

Us: Ok, we're done here... Thank you for your time.

Arnold: Oh, no problem, just remember, my gorgeous face on the cover. My sharp, refined features will certainly attract potential newspaper buyers, no doubt about it!

Stay tuned for another interview! Actually, never mind, this one was backwards enough. I don't think anyone could handle any more interviews. So yeah. Go feed your Neopets, take them out for a nice ride on the Merry Go Round or something.

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Mad as a Hatter - Halloween Edition
Feepits 1, Meepits 0.

by kookiekimme

---------

The Fantastic Dr Wilbur and the Drackonack's Toenail
Dear reader, 

It is my great joy and pleasure to introduce to you another riveting and hair-curling account of my most recent and scary adventures.

by shadyy15


---------

13 Spooky Savings!
Tired of spending thousands upon thousands of neopoints over Halloween?

by antarticrose

---------

sanity ltd 2
In which Drovic is discovered and candy is exploited.

by thunderlight314



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.