There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 185,044,774 Issue: 492 | 29th day of Eating, Y13
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Is Dr. Sloth Evil? An Interview...

by icy_banana


Right now I’m standing outside of Dr. Frank Sloth’s Neohome! I’ve booked an hour with him and I’m going to interview him to find out the truth! Is he really as evil as everyone says he is, or is he just misunderstood? Read on and find out how this interview goes – I’ll write down every little detail, everything that Dr. Sloth and I say, and what I’m thinking. I will get to the bottom of this mystery once and for all! I’m knocking on the door now, the door’s opening! I’m so excited!

Dr. Sloth: Hello, do you have an appointment?

Icy: Yes I do. I’m Icy_Banana, reporting for the Neopian Times. So, Frank, I hear –

Dr. Sloth: That’s Dr. Sloth to you!

Icy: Sorry, Dr. Sloth, I hear you’re the greatest evil villain ever. Is this true?

Dr. Sloth: Evil? Me? Really? No, it’s quite the opposite.

Icy: Oh, I heard that you were planning Neopian Domination!

Dr. Sloth: No, no, no, that was a mistake. I was trying to prevent Neopian Domination.

Icy: Those Grundos don’t seem to like you, though. I’ve seen them playing Splat-a-Sloth.

Dr. Sloth: Oh, they’re just a few mischievous Grundos that I’ll zap with my – Um; I meant... send to bed early!

Note to self: What was he saying before? Zap with his – what? I’ll try to find out...

Icy: Hmm... So, Dr. Sloth, what are you doing to help Neopia?

Dr. Sloth: Well, it’s quite simple, really, I’m protecting Neopia from the villains.

Icy: Who are these villains that you speak of?

Dr. Sloth: Illusen, Fyora, the Space Faerie, every faerie that you can think of!

Note to self: The faeries? Hmm... that sounds a bit suspicious. I’ll have to find out more...

Icy: But, I thought that the Faeries were good!

Dr. Sloth: No, tell me, what do they do that is good?

Icy: The Healing Springs Faerie gives out potions.

Dr. Sloth: Potions? Do you know what the fatal side-effects of these so-called “potions” are?

Icy: No, but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me...

Dr. Sloth: You’re right about that! The possible side-effects are as follows: The urge to go and fight – which leads to losing health, Greed, Selfishness, The harm of other pets, the list never ends!

Icy: Oh my, I never knew about all these side-effects. What else is bad about the Faeries?

Dr. Sloth: Well, that’s an easy one. The Wheel of Excitement. They take away 400 Neopoints from each Neopian every two hours. And what do they give these poor Neopians? Less than 100 Neopoints, the Pant Devil, a lightning strike, illness...

Note to self: Hmm... Maybe Dr. Sloth was right; when he puts it that way, the faeries do sound quite bad...

Icy: You’re right, I never thought of it like that...

Dr. Sloth: Of course not, you were too busy believing that they were helping you. Tell me, how often do you go to Faerieland and waste your valuable Neopoints on items that they “really need” such as yo-yos?

Icy: Hardly ever, Dr. Sloth, I assure you. I’m saving up my Neopoints for a paintbrush.

Dr. Sloth: Very interesting... So, what else would you like to ask me?

Icy: Well, I was hoping you could show me around a bit. Please?

Dr. Sloth: Of course! If you would just like to come this way...

Note to self: Sloth’s going to show me around. Maybe I’ll spot something that will explain what he meant by “zapping”.

Dr. Sloth: Well, this is the office where I do all of the work for Neopian, um, saving.

Icy: Very nice.

Note to self: He paused after saying “Neopian”. What was he going to say instead?

Icy: Would you mind, Dr. Sloth, if I had a look at some of your paperwork?

Dr. Sloth: Of course. Just, whatever you do, don’t look inside the middle drawer.

Icy: Ok, I won’t, I promise.

Note to self: Why can’t I look in the middle drawer? What could be in there?

Icy: These are some very interesting designs. Could you explain them to me?

Dr. Sloth: My pleasure. That one that you’re holding right now is my design for a – um – ah, yes, I remember now, that’s my ray gun.

Icy: Ray gun? That sounds quite sinister.

Dr. Sloth: Don’t worry; it’s only to destroy those evil faeries.

Icy: Right, I almost forgot about them.

Note to self: He has a ray gun? Well, I’m sure he means no harm to Neopia, as he said it’s only to be used to destroy the faeries.

Dr. Sloth: Anyway, this room over here is my bedroom.

Icy: Interesting posters. What are they of?

Dr. Sloth: Oh, these? Why, they’re Grundos! Can’t you see? They’re all the Grundos that I saved. This one, this one and this one are the first Grundos I ever met, and they love me very much.

Icy: Ah, yes I see them! How cute. I hear that you own a Grundo adoption centre, too. Is this true?

Dr. Sloth: Indeed it is! Those lovely Grundos can be adopted by anyone so every Neopian can enjoy the company of these sweet little things!

Note to self: How cute! Dr. Sloth founded an adoption centre for cute little Grundos! It seems that maybe Dr. Sloth really isn’t evil after all...

Icy: I can’t help but notice, sir, but why are the Grundos crying if they love you so much?

Dr. Sloth: Well, these are posters from before I saved the Grundos. I will soon be putting them up in the adoption centre so that you can see what an amazing difference you can make to these little angels’ lives.

Icy: So, Dr. Sloth, where next?

Dr. Sloth: The roof! I have many amazing inventions at work to show you!

Icy: Great, I can’t wait to see it!

Note to self: These inventions might give me some more answers.

Icy: So, what do these things do?

Dr. Sloth: Well, this one here is the real thing – The Ray Gun!

Icy: Wow! Does it work?

Dr. Sloth: Of course it does! I don’t keep things if they don’t work!

Icy: Of course, I didn’t realise that. So, what’s this one over here?

Dr. Sloth: That, my friend, is my Obedience Ray! I use it to make those pesky Grundos – um, I mean... Faeries – obey me!

Note to self: He said ‘Grundos’ before ‘faeries’. I wonder why...

Icy: Dr. Sloth, sir, um, would you mind telling me why – um – you said ‘Grundos’ before?

Dr. Sloth: Mind your own business! It doesn’t concern you! Oh, who am I kidding? I am trying to take over Neopia, the Ray Gun is really to use on anyone who annoys me, and the Obedience Ray? That was to use on the Grundos as well. There – I’ve revealed all, now get out!

Icy: Wow... Well, thank you, Dr. Sloth, sir. Goodbye!

Dr. Sloth: OUT!

Well, there you have it, guys! Dr. Sloth is really evil! If you see him, watch out for his terrible Ray Gun or Obedience Ray! If he gets you with one of them, you’re doomed! Warn everyone you meet, especially the faeries, of this terrible Neopian that wishes to rule Neopia for ever more! We must never let that happen!

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