A Letter of Complaint

I am writing to complain about the horrible vacation I have just had here. When I booked a trip to Lutari Island, I thought it would be nice to visit after years of seclusion, you know? It was supposed to be a relaxing trip, a pretty spot to get away from the current issues in Neopia Central (read: THE DAILY DARE. Seriously, I don't see how that stupid Blumaroo with those cheap glasses and his weird sister get so much attention each March), but as it turns out, the Lutari Islanders are just as Daily Dare obsessed as the idiots in Neopia Central.

No, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?

For some Neopians stuck in the middle of nowhere for the last few years, you Lutari Islanders sure are up to date with popular culture. Where'd you find about the crash of Faerieland? I thought you guys were completely in the dark regarding such things--you were, after all, closed off to the general public. Whose idea was it to open up to Neopia, anyways?

Anyways, the first day I came, it was raining. It was raining so hard, and I had already planned out my day. I was going to go to the beach and relax, but as it turned out, the sand was completely wet, and a bunch of petpetpets decided to ambush me while I was "relaxing". When I went back to my hotel--which was actually a little leaky tent in the middle of the jungle, which was probably appropriate for the fifty neopoints per night price--it turned out that the petpetpets had infested my bed. You guys should really hire some exterminators and get rid of the infestations. When I went to eat dinner, guess what I found in my meal?

Oh yeah. Petpetpets.

I had a meal of Mootix steak and Pinchit ice cream, with a drizzling of Lightmite chocolate sauce. Top it off with a cherry--which was actually a Blechy, and you get a Lutari Island dinner.

So the next morning, I woke to see that it had stopped raining. I thought that it would turn out to be a great day, so I headed to the beach. There were already a few others there, playing beach volleyball (looks like those Myncies on Mystery Island aren't the only ones who love sports), and I asked them if I could join in. You know what they said?

"Are you sure you can, er, reach the ball?"

It was this really huge Lutari in a t-shirt and shorts. He was laughing at me. I thought that you Lutari Island folks were supposed to be happy, friendly, Neopets! THAT'S WHAT IT SAID IN THE BROCHURE!

Oh. You're sick of the capital letters? Fine, then.

I quote the brochure, "Come visit Lutari Island! We're all very happy, friendly, Neopians! You won't regret it!"

If what I have been talking about wasn't enough of an indicator, please know that my vacation was far from enjoyable.

After that, I was really ready to leave this wretched place. However, I had spent the neopoints to get here, so I wasn’t about to throw it all away and take the next ship to civilization—although I really wanted to, make no mistake. I once again tried to make the best of this situation, deciding that visiting the questing Faerie of Lutari Island--Briana, or something?—would probably work out well. I mean, she’s a Faerie, for crying out loud!

So I traveled through the jungles--and for the record, there’s this nice little thing called a road. Maybe you should consider paving a few roads through all the foliage--and, after getting mobbed by more petpetpets, finally came upon this little hut in the middle of the leaves. What kind of psycho builds a house in the middle of the jungle? They must really love their bugs to live in the midst of Petpetpet central, you know? So I knocked on her door, and was greeted by this Air Faerie in a pair of fuzzy boots.

We were in a tropical rainforest. And she was in a pair of winter boots.

I mean, I understand if someone from Terror Mountain wears boots like that, but someone living in the hot, humid, temperatures of Lutari Island? Not so much. So I stared at her for a few seconds, and you could tell that she thought I was a crazy visitor coming to beg her for a quest, although I’ve always thought Faerie Quests were way overrated. Who do they think they are, randomly coming up to you while you’re in the Catacombs and asking you to get them Herbal Shampoo or something? I have better things to do than buy a Faerie some sort of shampoo!

Well, I’m getting off topic. Anyways, she thought I was totally crazy. So I asked her for her name and was told that she was Briana. I already knew that, so that wasn’t particularly new to me. She asked if I wanted a quest, and I screamed, “What the feathers, stop asking me for stuff, you loser!”

The faerie wasn’t so pleased at being called a loser. I ran for it, and managed to make my way through the jungle once more. When I arrived back at my hotel--or should I say tent?--I realized that the rain had soaked my clothes and everything else I owned. I lost several copies of my favorite magazine, a book I was going to read, and the binoculars I brought from Neopia Central. Who knew that petpetpets were interested in sightseeing?

By that time, I had had enough. I grabbed my bags and headed directly to the harbor, where a ship was waiting for me. Looks like these boat operators know their stuff. I bet there are always some random tourists trying to escape from the island.

Hmm, I wonder why.

No, I don’t. I was being sarcastic.

Anyways, I would just like you to know that my vacation on Lutari Island was not up to my expectations and I will never be visiting again. If you want me to spend one hundred more neopoints on this vacation, you’ll have to improve your services.

Thank you and have a good day,

-A displeased tourist