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Dear Roxy: Roxy Rocks

by roxycaligirl101


A MESSY DESK - Well, my evil Angelpuss is at it again. Troxy, broke into my office and published another addition of her tedious articles where she completely bashes me for no reason. Troxy has major issues, I’ve never done anything to her but if she wants a war, I’ll give her a war. No one pushes me around, especially someone who can’t even use the litter box.

Dear Roxy:

I have been following your column for quite a bit, but after a while, stopped. Now, I’ve begun reading again and I must know, what happened with Sloth? Was there really a competition between your two columns? What was so threatening about him that he couldn't keep answering questions, too?

-Crazed And Confused

Dear Crazed And Confused:

Yes, there was a competition between Dr. Sloth and I over which advice column would win. It was a friendly rivalry that started the day he insulted me. He simply couldn’t handle the pressure in the world of journalism and run his evil empire. Well, its over now and Sloth has retired back to just being an evil genius. We got together for a spot of Borovan the other day, it was rather nice. I can’t believe I used Sloth and nice in the same sentence. Wow, what is wrong with me? Oh well, he doesn’t plan to return to world of advice columns for quite awhile. So, I’m stuck battling with Troxy. Grrr! I’d take Sloth over Troxy. I mean, Troxy knows things, she has read pages 11-90 in my Diary, that annoying imp!


Dear Roxy:

I was walking down the street minding my own business not doing anything wrong, when an annoyed stranger called me a n00b. I didn't do anything to him or provoke him. What does to mean to be called a n00b?


Dear Sign:

A n00b is a type of insult thrown a people who tend to do nothing around Neopia but annoy people or it simply means you’re new to the game and don’t know what to do. Either way, the person shouldn’t have insulted you, I mean, you didn’t do anything to hurt him. Everyone and I mean, everyone has been called a n00b, it’s almost like a right of passage into Neopia. My owner has been on Neopets for 54 months and still can be called a n00b by strangers. It's kinda silly because she is an older member than all of them. Oh well, you can't let rude people get you down.


Dear Roxy:

Did you know that when you got sick form the Wheel of Excitement, your Angelpuss Troxy loved it? She is going to take over the world, too!

-The Town Tattler

Dear The Town Tattler:

Didn’t your mother ever tell you that tattling on others is wrong? Well, I am fully aware of Troxy’s actions, intentions, and thoughts. The only way she’ll ever take over the world is in her dreams; Slothy had a way better chance at world domination. Shh! Don’t tell him I said that! I don’t want to get any more ideas in his head.


Dear Roxy:

I’ve been a bit worried about my Gelert. He started acting weird after I read him a story about pirates. He seems to think he lives on an island and is looking for buried treasure. What happened and what should I do?

-Pirate Struck Gelert Owner

Dear Pirate Struck Gelert Owner:

There isn’t anything to worry about; your Gelert just is using his imagination. Let him use it, an imagination is a horrible thing to waste. If he gets too out of control and starts trying to make you walk the plank, simply fight fire with fire. Remind him that you’re the captain and owner of house and make him swab the poop deck.


Dear Roxy:

How do you put up with Troxy? Aren't petpets supposed to be cuddly and friendly? Troxy is the reason I'm afraid of getting a petpet for myself. What should I do?

-Pixie Ixi

Dear Pixie Ixi:

Don’t be afraid to get a petpet because of Troxy. Yeah, she is one bad apple but you can’t punish the rest of the bushel for the exception. There are plenty of good petpets out there. Lady Lazzie, my sister’s Snarhook is the sweetest and gentlest petpet ever. Then, there is Merlin and Darker, the other petpets in the family both well behaved and considerate. So, don’t worry, I highly doubt you can get anything worse than Troxy. I just don’t think it’s possible!


Dear Roxy:

Since you are such a well-known advice columnist, you must receive mountains of mail. Have you ever considered getting a secretary or something? I'm sure many people would be honored to work for you.

-Content Kyrii

Dear Content Kyrii:

I do receive a lot and I mean, a lot of mail but I am grateful for every piece of mail I receive. After all, my column wouldn’t exist without the readers and the troubled youth of the Neopia. I’m afraid that sorting through all the mail is part of my job description so I should continue doing it. I don’t think I’ll ever get a secretary, only stuck-up writers get secretaries, have you met Zelda Zap?


Hey Roxy:

What is your opinion on cheese?


Dear Billybobjoehenryphilmarkamusfrank

Wow, that is certainly a mouthful of a name. I think cheese is grand, it’s my favorite pizza topping.


Dear Roxy:

Did you know there's a certain Green Pteri who likes you?

-Neopian Times Reader

Dear Neopian Times Reader:

Really? Who?


Dear Roxy:

Recently, I went to a fair on Mystery Island. There were some hot air balloon rides that you could rent for a day at a good price. Many of the balloons were already in use, so I searched hard for one I could ride. I finally found a vendor whose balloon was not is use. Everything happened normally when you get on a hot air balloon. I paid the vendor and he took the sand bags off the ride. I began to float into the sky. It wasn't until I wanted to get down that I had the problem. When I tried to release the air from the air valve I found it wasn't working. I tried yelling to people on the ground, but they couldn't hear me. Then, I began to float farther out from the fair. When I was half way past the Haunted Woods and the balloon had still not deflated! I sent my homing Pawkeet to fetch me my Faerie Paint Brush so that I could paint myself and then fly off the balloon. I also gave my Pawkeet a letter to send you because you don't live too far from my Neohome. If you have received this letter I hope that you can help me. Do you have any suggestions on what I should do?

-High Flying Flotsam

Dear High Flying Flotsam:

Your Pawkeet landed on my desk first thing in the morning, it is an amazing petpet. Well, don’t panic! My sister, Queenie; my brother, Oke; and I will follow your Pawkeet to come and get you. Just keep on floating and we’ll be there soon.


Sorry, I must cut this short readers but someone needs my help. I need to go take care of a little air rescue mission. So, don’t rent hot air balloons from Mystery Island unless you’re a trained balloon flyer and just remember, Roxy rocks and Troxy does NOT!

To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and repeatedly sent messages will be deleted, so please don’t waste your and my time. Please don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming amount of messages, Roxy cannot answer all the messages. All messages are subjected to editing and can be published. So, don't submit something if you don't want to see it in the Neopian Times.

The Aftermath: High Flying Flotsam was safely recovered from the hot air balloon and is now back at her Neohome with her Pawkeet. She doesn’t plan on renting another hot balloon again for some time.

To The NTWF- I send my love and I miss you!

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