Battle Quills... ready! Circulation: 184,867,923 Issue: 483 | 25th day of Awakening, Y13
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A Taste Of The (Extremely) High Life

by schoolwars


Food snobs. We all know one. Those people that always order the most expensive things on the menu. They don’t want to know unless the cooking involves overcomplicated processes and at least 25 different ingredients. Well, I’m afraid this article is dedicated to them. Yes, although I like to appeal to all, this is perhaps reading best suited to those with extravagant tastes (or an unlimited supply of neopoints). Here I have taken it upon myself to present a summary of THE most expensive foods known throughout each Neopian world. No price is too high when it comes to this connoisseur's manual. So get ready to bust your wallet - as well as your belly!

*I am obliged to point out that this luscious guide only features morsels that I was able to agree on a solid price for. Each guide price was taken from the lovely Trading Post and was correct at time of writing!

Let's start off in the wonderful area that is Maraqua. A place synonymous with fine dining as it boasts the elite Kelp restaurant. Here I sought out a fitting piece of cuisine. The Ocean Platter boasts a ‘delectable blend of Maraquan delights’ for you to sample at your own pleasure. Fishy goodness and some special tartar sauce come priced at around 650,000 neopoints. After that, feast your overgenerous eyes on a plate of Stramberry Sausages! These extra special bangers weigh in at a price of 3 million NP! So I’d REALLY savour the taste of those mini sausages, served with flavour enhancing Stramberry sauce and mashed Zeevines, if I were you. Finally, we have some divine Aged Tchea Juice to wash it all down with. The specially shaped glass is said to aerate the fine vintage-ness and bring out the bold flavours. This is priced at 800k.

Now a brief stop in Brightvale. Here I chanced upon a foodie’s dream; the Assorted Brightvale Fruit Basket. This fruity hamper is packed with four delicious fruits, chosen to showcase how tasty Brightvale is. The fruits change, depending on the season, and this basket will cost you 75,000 NP. As I had time to kill, I took this opportunity to quickly nip to Neovia. It is from there that I present to you the Chocolate Cherry Bundt Cake. A sumptuous dessert comprised of chocolate, cherries... and more chocolate! It comes delectably priced at 47k.

Onwards to Altador. This trip turns out pretty cheap by comparison. For here we have the Hermiteese Salad (named after the style of the salad only, honest) priced at 10k. Add to that a side order of Hummus. This wonderful bean-like dip is 12,000 NP and is served with slices of flatbread. Then finish your meal with some nice juicy Fig - a super tasty fruit that’s almost like candy. That bite will set you back 55,000 NP.

My next stop takes me to the Lost Desert. Allow me to introduce you now to three top notch tidbits. First up, priced at around 330k, is the Peppered Kersla Bug. These creepy-crawly bites are perfectly seasoned and have a distinct crunch to them. Scoop out the pricey inner goodness from the underbelly! After that, treat yourself to some Fried Suwek. Also priced at 330k, the combination of pan fried Suwek and Sutek beans is considered a local delicacy. Finally, add some sweetness, with a Pyramid Purpple. These ultra rare fruits are similar in taste to apple, juicy and sweet, but the kicker is that they are a perfect pyramid shape! Suffice to say they’d be super expensive - these have a price tag of 4 million NP.

Arriving at Kreludor was a welcome relief (five hour rocket flight, anyone?), and after resting up I sought out more priceless delights. I can assure you, I wasn’t disappointed! It was enquiries around Kreludor that lead me to the Planetary Pizza Ring. This charming space cheese and tomato pizza is fittingly shaped like a planet, and orbits in at a price of 25,000 neopoints. The next cosmo treat, priced at 30k, is the lovely Grape Blobcicle. With a luscious grape flavour, two sticks for easy holding and just the right amount of wobble, this popsicle is like none that you have ever had before! Lastly is the Kreludan Space Floss. A great mix of tangy grape and orange flavours, this sweet floss is billed as being out of this world. I should hope so at a cost of 51k!

Thus, I come to Tyrannia. Here you can feast upon a rather icky delicacy; the Blood Mole Plant, so called because it gets its bright red tint from a lovely diet of insects and worms whilst underground *gag* ...This blossom alone will set you back around 1.2 million NP. Then we have the nicer Spinach Feta Omelette. Crumbly Feta cheese, vivid green spinach and an eggy omelette come together brilliantly at a cost of 600k. Top off your expensive meal with a refreshing Tyrannian Water Negg. Costing somewhere in the region of 800k, this watery treat can quench even the driest of thirsts. Give it a try!

From the jungles of Tyrannia to the stifling hotness of Moltara. I didn’t get to spend as much time here as I would’ve liked but I still managed to hunt out three rather exclusive dishes - each under the 10k mark, mind you, but still fine dining, I promise! A nice rounded lunch of Molten Root Casserole and a glass of Sweet Potato Fizzy Drink (each priced around 7.5k respectively) was to die for. The warm earthiness of the casserole was perfectly balanced by the sweetness of potato fizz. As an accompaniment, I recommend the Butter Gears. Coming in at 10,000 neopoints, these snazzily shaped discs of butter go with anything - even the crustiest of magma rolls.

Here’s where I was going to say onwards and upwards to Faerieland... but after all that’s happened with the turned to stone/falling out the sky business, I have decided against that turn of phrase. So I will just launch into my next wallet bursting feast. As an appetiser, there is the sparkly goodness of a Fyora Apple. This crunchy fruit is priced at a whopping 2 million NP. Luckily it's said to be worth it; a Fyora home-grown apple is one of the best you can get. Keeping in the vein of sweet treats, I bring you the Faerie Sparklecake. Considerably cheaper at 800,000 NP, it’s a lush cream cake that invariably sparkles as you take a bite. Lastly is the dazzling Space Faerie Mushroom. As rare as a glimpse of the Space Faerie herself, this extraordinary ‘shroom is packed with veggie nutrients and boasts a glittering top of magic Faerie dust. Priced at around the 2.2 million mark.

So a speedy flight takes me to the Virtupets Space Station. This unique world houses Grundo’s Café. A top notch eatery that creates wonderful dishes from distinct, and usually tentacle based, ingredients. Which brings me to the Grobleen Sandwich. A whole Grobleen, sandwiched between slices of white bread with some lettuce. Nice... *wince* This ‘treat’ is priced at 800k. Next are the Obliteratoes. Costing about 400k, as the name suggests - these are no ordinary spuds, said to be cultivated by Sloth himself. It's wise to be wary when partaking in a meal involving these sneaky tubers. Finally, with a price of 425,000 NP, is some nice Sloth Spaghetti. Although not to everyone’s liking, this green pasta dish is filling, somewhat nutritious, and is served in a cool looking Sloth inspired bowl.

Ah, Shenkuu! This breathtaking land offered some stunning scenery, marvellous medicines and fanciful foods. Top recommendation is the Origami Sushi. A recent addition to the Shenkuu menu, these mini pieces of art ARE edible and can be sampled for around 500,000 NP. A side dish for that, at a cost of 100k, is Wasabi. This hot root goes with every fish and rice combo you can imagine. Or how about some tasty Negg Noodles? Al dente pasta and soft neggs, flavoured with a spicy fish sauce. Yum! This dish will cost you 66,000 neopoints.

I alight on the sandy shores of Mystery Island next. Luckily I came prepared to spend a fortune! It's from here that I give you the Spironut. This super-duper nut has the ability to cheer up any pet, provided you gobble a lot of them. That may prove difficult as these babies sell for 5 million neopoints each. Then we have the Icy Doughnutfruit. At around 7 million NP a pop, these über cold sweet treats are incredibly hard to bite into, thus giving you a broken tooth as well as brain freeze! Saving the priciest for last, here is the Felrum Jelly Cube. Described as ‘a lovely glob of felrum fer chewing on between meals’, this wobbly cube is priced at 9 million. So be sure to make the sour Felrum taste last as long as you can!

Just across the pond is Krawk Island. It is here that you can sample the best in pirate fare. Dine on the costliest meal ever, starting with Bilge Rat Madeira. Don’t be put off by the obvious rodent base. The addition of a rich Madeira sauce makes it palatable, as you will taste for yourself - to the tune of 3 million! Then move onto the Cap’n Threelegs Cutlass Crusade. Also priced at 3 million NP, this whale of a dish consists of a large juicy steak, cooked extra rare. A buttery jacket potato and some crisp asparagus completes the plate. If you have room after all that, the Forbidden Plunder is a highly prized dessert, made of the finest Shipwreck Co. chocolate. You don’t even want to know the calorie content of this purely indulgent pudding. Just as well - it has a price tag of 3.5 million neopoints.

Keeping with the island theme, I float along to Kiko Island. Now to allow your wallet a brief recovery. Satisfy your sweet tooth with some Gummy Bait Worms. Priced at 15k, these wiggly jelly delights come in apple, lemon, raspberry and grape flavours so there’s something to please everyone. Another sugared treat is Vanilla Kiko Fudge. Velvety and delicious, this Kiko shaped sweet is great to munch anytime, and costs around 25,000 NP. Although the festive period has long since passed, the last pricey Kiko food is the Kiko Christmas Hot Chocolate Mug. For 54k, you too can taste the ultimate in hot drinks. Creamy and heart-warming, this rich liquid comes in a striped mug and is decorated with a biscuit Christmas tree and a heap of whipped cream. Delish!

Ooh! A taste of the spooky now as I head to the Haunted Woods. Here you can savour such treasures as the Meerca Pie. Regarded cruel by some, if you can get over what you are actually nomming on, this pie is pretty flavoursome. It comes appropriately priced at around 5.5 million NP. Putting a foreign twist on a otherwise hideous dish, I now present Brains a la Tree. A nice big plate of the finest pulsating brain matter, said to be taken from the Brain Tree himself (while he was napping of course). I can’t comment on the rumours that consuming this meal will make you smarter. You’d better hope so after paying 5 million neopoints for it. Finally, perhaps the weirdest food on the menu. Spooky Ghostbeef. Adding another 5 million NP to your bill, this hearty dish is rather deceptive. There appears to be nothing on the plate! Further investigation with a fork however leads to a succulent beefy feast; sadly an invisible meal does not mean invisible calories!

A lengthy bicycle trip gets us to Meridell, and it is here that I have to highlight a certain food whose prices can be astronomical. The Draik Egg. In no way am I recommending it - who wants to eat a baby Draik pet?? I just thought it best to include since some sell for over 20 million neopoints. Anyhow, back to the grub! Worth a taste is the Leaf Taco. This delicious looking taco is a rare delicacy that Illusen makes herself. Boy is she a good cook! A taco suitable for all vegetarians out there, this exclusive bite costs 3.5 million NP. Last up is the... *gulp*... Pootato. Not to everyone’s taste, mind, it IS actually considered gourmet cuisine (by who?!), and this fragrant ‘tattie costs 5 million.

Nearly done! As I slide through the icy areas of Terror Mountain, I get to Happy Valley. It is perhaps here that will break your bank most of all so far. In the awesomeness that is the Slushie shop, I discovered two fantastic slush treats. First is the Pan Galactic Gargle Slushie. Costing around 4.5 million, this boasts a plethora of tastes, and was the inspiration for apparently the wisest saying in the galaxy: "Never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Slushies unless you are a twenty ton mega-elephant with pneumonial bronchitis". Enough said! Next is the Ergy Slushie. With a mammoth price tag of 13 million NP, it takes the juice of about 40 Ergy fruits just to make one of these Slushies. It's not surprising you don’t see many around.

A shuffle through the snow takes us to the mountain itself. For those of us that are not of the Chia variety (those that are - three words: Magical Chia Pop), two more super costly frozen pleasures await you here. For the hefty sum of 3.8 million NP, you can snap up an Angelic Ice Lolly. A superb light, milky lolly, it's the perfect reward for a well behaved Neopet! If you have significantly more money to burn, look no further than the 10 million NP costing Ice Cream Sundae. With toffee and chocolate ice creams, bananas, cream, sprinkles and a cherry, this dessert is sheer indulgence. Watch it doesn’t spoil your appetite!

Aha! I eventually come to rest back in Neopia Central. I thought it best not to leave the main foodie region of Neopia out so here’s a quick rundown of the priciest fare available here. Coming from the Plaza is the Red Kacheek Pizza. A tasty tomato only pizza, this’ll cost you 4 million neopoints. Head towards the Bazaar and you’ll unlock all sorts of goodies. For the health conscious - an Artichoke Cupcake. With a light dusting of sprinkles, this healthy cake comes in at 5 million NP. At the Chocolate Factory you'll find the delectable White Chocolate Birthday Nova. Made specially for Neopets's 4th birthday, it costs 7 million. If you’d like to be REALLY extravagant, and give your Neopet an all over chocolatey smell too, then for 100 million neopoints you can snap up some Choco Spray!

Courtesy of Hubert we have the Diamond Hot Dog. Costing 4 million, this hot dog is really hard to eat, but it looks so sparkly! Quite a bit cheaper is the Large Sand Smoothie. Whilst not the most refreshing of smoothies, this 600k drink looks great and comes complete with metallic shell decor. Head to the Bakery next for more outrageous spending! The Puntec Pie fits the bill perfectly. Costing 15 million NP, this decadent pie has to be baked with a tremendous amount of care - the fruit cannot be too ripe or it will go green. Bleh! Last but certainly not least: from the great Fresh Food shop itself, I bring you the 10 million neopoint costing Chain of Onions. And, with a price tag of 30 million NP, the fantastic packet of Meat Treats. An exclusive Mystery Pic prize, this food is one of the rarest of them all!

On that note, I end my high-priced exploration. I really hope you have enjoyed sampling the high life. After that huge belly busting feast you will probably need to buy the next size up in trousers... if you have any neopoints left, that is!

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