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Top Five Best and Worst Drinks in Neopia

by zoobit


It’s that time of year again.

It’s the time when you go outside into the frosty air, all bundled up in layers of socks and mittens. The time when you spend hours shoveling snow off your walkway. The time when you go to a coffee shop and warm yourself up with a hot drink. Some folks, however, order any old thing. Ugh!... and they realize it’s positively disgusting!

So here I am! I’ve been the owner of a coffee shop for many years, and I’ve tried hundreds of drinks from all over Neopia. There are some truly delicious blends, but others make us want to puke. I’ve decided to help out the readers of the Neopian Times. With this guide, you’ll never have to waste your money on gross coffee ever again!

Here are the Top Five WORST Drinks in Neopia!

#5: Cheesy Coffee

I like cheese. I like coffee. But I do not like cheesy coffee.

Coffee and cheese is a terrible combination. The coffee always seems to seep out through the holes in the cheese; not to mention it burns you when you try to hold the cup. It’s a terrible hassle to make if you don’t want to leave home, and the bitterness of the coffee and the sourness of the cheese just aren’t compatible. Blech!

#4: Fundus Fruit Tea

I can honestly say I’ve never sold this horrible tea in my own coffee shop. It’s a very mysterious drink. No one knows what’s in it, and personally, I think ‘Fundus’ sounds a bit too much like ‘fungus’. That green liquid? It looks the color of a Snot pet and has the consistency of Jell-O. And those red berry-like things? It seems to me like they’re Pusberries dyed red. Do you really want to sip this before bedtime?

#3: Sourmelon Brew

Sourmelons are delicious. I’ve used them many a time in my own coffees to add a little zing, and it always gives the drink some more flavor. But please. I advise strongly against adding five entire Sourmelons to coffee. Or making a drink based around Sourmelons. This makes your mouth pucker like never before. This blend will probably keep you up the whole night with hallucinations.

#2: Blairnut Tea

The past three drinks have been rated low for slightly too much flavor. However, Blairnut Tea is the most tasteless thing you will have ever tasted (or perhaps, NOT tasted?) in your life. Blairnuts have been pureed and added to boiled water to make something that is simply water dyed brown. If you’re someone who liked milder things, shoot for Earl Grey Tea instead- not this cup of dung-colored water.

#1: Grackle Bug Brew

Do I need to say any more? Whoever has invented this repulsive drink... please, enlighten me. Why would anyone want to drink something that has a dead bug floating in a suspicious orange liquid? It smells foul, even the description of the drink admits that it’s truly horrible. The only exception I would suggest you to make is if you have an awfully stuffy nose. It’s rumored to clear your sinuses in one sip. I advise not to take any more. My sister drank it once, and she was never the same again. You have been war- NO! SIS! COME BACK! DON’T EAT THAT!! Er, excuse me for a minute. *runs off*

Sorry about that.

Writing about these drinks has been nauseous for me. So it’s good we’re moving on to something more positive. The Top Five BEST Drinks in Neopia!

#5: Banana Cream Coffee

Mm! Bananas and cream are lovely together. A hint of bitterness in the coffee adds a nice, sharp edge to it, but doesn’t take away from the sweetness of the banana cream. This has the totally opposite effect of Sourmelon Brew and after a hard day of work, this will help you fall asleep and keep away the nightmares about being forced to drink Grackle Bug Brew.

#4: Ice Milk Green Tea

This is a healthy substitute for ice cream, and just as satisfying! It’s perfect for a midday pick-me-up if you’re craving something sweet but are also watching the calories. It may not be as calming as regular old-fashioned green tea, but really, it does give you that kind of yoga-master feel. Ohmmm...

#3: Phear Coffee

Phear juice is absolutely delectable, and when blended with the finest black coffee of all time, it provides a flawless drink that has the tangy taste lingering in your mouth for the remainder of the day. One question I have, though; what is a Phear? Is it a misspelling of pear? Or a misspelling of fear? Ah, well, I digress.

However, I feel I have to issue a warning. Don’t drink more than three cups of Phear Coffee. If you do... well, let’s just say I warned you.

#2: Spring Flower Tea

This is an exquisite tea that almost claimed the top spot on my list. Many flowers have been combined to create this brilliant drink. This will soothe any sore throat, and it’s also good for colds. Plus, you have to admit the cup is pretty, which gives it extra bonus points! Just don’t let your Buzzer near it.

#1: Strawberry Spice Tea

This drink is cupful of heaven. It is the most perfect blend of sugar and spice I have ever tasted (and that’s saying something!). The original strawberry tea was too sweet, and so the maker of the tea added a hint of spice, which balances out the sweetness brilliantly. It may cost a lot, but believe me; I am so not lying when I say every Neopoint is worth it!

There you are, the Top Five Best and Worst Drinks in Neopia! I hope you never have to endure a vile drink ever again. May your days be sprinkled with steaming mugs of deliciousness! Now, where to get this coffee, you may ask? Maybe you should come by to my coffee shop sooner or later... *wink wink*

Thanks for reading!

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