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Peas Don't Hurt Me!


by poogleluver345

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What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear the word “peas”? Perhaps you think of throwing up. Perhaps you think of the elusive Super Attack Pea avatar that you can’t seem to get. Or perhaps you think of small, green, round, delicious vegetables. Naturally, the third option is the image that jumps into my head.

So what’s the point of this article? Who cares about peas? Am I willing to lend you the avatar? First of all, in this article, I’m going to give you a list of the ten best pea foods out there. Second, who doesn’t care about peas? I’ll let you ponder THAT while I move on to the next question. Lastly, I don’t have the avatar, much less the item or pet, so please seek elsewhere for your 50x50 pixel.

ANYWAY, moving on. Like I said, I’m going to give you a list of ten quite different pea foods. They’re delicious, healthy, and green! These foods are in no particular order, so pick whichever you think will best benefit you and your pet’s needs.

1) Loaf of Pea Bread

If you haven’t eaten one of these before, you haven’t lived! They’re crunchy and delicious—you may never starve again! What’s more, they’re extra healthy, since the loaves contain both wheat AND vegetables!

2) Chocolate Peanuts With Peas

Okay, these may even be better than the Loaves of Pea Bread! Let’s see. Number one, they have chocolate, and who doesn’t love chocolate? If you’re allergic, just scrape it off or go without it. Number two, um, hello, peanuts? Pretty self-explanatory. If you’re allergic to that, simply scrape off the chocolate and peas, and throw the nut away. If you’re allergic to both chocolate and peanuts, then just eat the peas! Oh, no, pea allergies exist too, don’t they? Well, if you’re allergic to peas, you shouldn’t be reading this article in the first place!

3) Candy Peas

Woo-hoo! These are truly amazing! Okay, so maybe they aren’t the healthiest things on the planet for you or your pet to eat, but come on—they’re peas—and candy! Wait, they aren’t real peas? Oh. Never mind then. Skip this one!

4) Pease Porridge

Have you ever dreamed of a pea pudding? ... Well then. I certainly have! And look—my dreams have come true! That’s right, folks, behold the Pease Porridge! The mushiest peas imaginable, baked into a goopy pudding, and covered in even more peas! Delicious!

5) Jumbo Pea Sandwich

Take a bucketful of peas, two slices of bread, put it all together and what do you get? Yes, a Jumbo Pea Sandwich! These are so delicious, if you eat one, you may never want anything but Jumbo Pea Sandwiches for the rest of your life! *chews Jumbo Pea Sandwich rapidly* See?! Just look at me!

6) Large Yogurt Pea Smoothie

Alright, alright, I know what you’re thinking. That’s not a FOOD! That’s a DRINK! Well, yes, I must admit it is a drink. You must forgive me. But it’s for your own good, so don’t complain. You see, peas may be delicious, but combine peas and a smoothie, and you’ve got scrumptious beyond words! I mean, if the thought of lumpy peas disgusts you, you don’t need to worry anymore! The smoothie isn’t lumpy; in fact, it’s totally smooth! You can purchase one or more (hopefully more) at the Smoothie Store!

7) Split Pea Lupe Soup

A classic favorite among Chias even today, the Split Pea Lupe Soup consists of the finest pea soup in all of Neopia, topped with delectable Lupe-shaped pasta. Don’t worry, all you Lupe fans out there—they’re not real!

8) Pea Hot Dog

If you’re a vegetarian and have never tasted a hot dog, fear no more! There’s always the option of a Pea Hot Dog! It’s basically a hot dog bun stuffed with mushy peas. It’s truly delicious, though! Even if you aren’t a vegetarian, you should still look into these wonderful hot dogs!

9) Black Eyed Peas

Picked fresh from the fields, these organic peas are a healthy alternative to crisps and chocolate. I cannot tell a lie—the description speaks the truth, people! Okay, so maybe they don’t look like peas. That’s true. But they ARE peas, and you have to believe me! Because if you don’t, the Meepits will capture you! *ahem* Anyway, they might be even better than the peas that actually LOOK like peas! First, they look like eyeballs. Second, they’re simply unbeatable. Give me a choice between Black Eyed Peas and a trillion Neopoints, and I’d choose the former. *twitch* Well, it’s not like you actually have a trillion Neopoints... right? Okay, good. I’m sticking with the former, then.

10) Organic Mushy Peas

Every smart person knows you can’t go wrong with classic mushy peas. Well, that’s basically what these are, so start eating!

11) Super Attack Pea

Um... I know I said I would include only ten pea meals, but I had to add an eleventh to make up for my regrettable mistake in number three. Okay, the Super Attack Pea is far superior to all of the other peas you’ve read about today. Er, I know I’ve pretty much been saying that for all of the meals, but this time, I can honestly say I’m telling the truth. Therefore, you have to believe me. This item actually doesn’t serve as a meal, unless of course you want to eat it, which would probably result in broken teeth and bruised gums. Anyway, moving on. This item is incredibly awesome in many ways. Firstly, it’s super expensive, which both you and I know is an automatic plus. Secondly, it serves as a weapon in the Battledome, and a great weapon at that. I know this for a fact, since a Super Attack Pea has been unleashed against me during battle. I was in the NeoHospital for months afterward. Thirdly, you can get an avatar from it! It’s one of the most expensive avatars out there; maybe even the most. It’s hard to get, though, so don’t expect a Super Attack Pea to just fall out of the sky into your lap...

And that concludes my article for today. I hope you’ve learned many things from me, and I especially hope you’ll try out some of these foods. If you’d much rather have the avatar, I wish you the best of luck.

Once I come up with another original idea, I’ll be back with another article to bore you out of your wits! Adios, Neopia!

Note: I've actually never been hit by a Super Attack Pea, but I'm sure you see my point. ;)

 
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