Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 189,690,092 Issue: 457 | 20th day of Hiding, Y12
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Neopian Times Trivia!!

by pafc_will


Also by ginny_invisible

The Neopian Times - Little-Known Facts

Did you know that the White Weewoo only came into existence because of Times authors who held the Neopian Times ransom until the editor would change the mascot? Or that there is a conspiracy going on in every publication by writer conspirators, ensuring the brainwashing of the Times readers? Did you know that this issue is really NOT issue number 450? Or do you know the secret behind the Chet Flash mystery (or know about Chet Flash at all)?

This article brings conspiracies to light and enlightens the public to what really is going on in the Neopian Times. It tells the history between the different layouts and the symbolism between the gold quills, the Weewoo, and the blue background. Find out everything you did NOT know about the Neopian Times.

- The White Weewoo (yes, it does deserve capital letters). It is the undisputed mascot, symbol, whatever-you-choose-to-call it for the Neopian Times. Imagine a Neopian Times without the Weewoo. It would feel empty. Neopians would stop submitting their work. They would stop reading the Times. They would just mope about at home and the ugly, Weewoo-less newspaper would rot away at the Rubbish Dump. What a horrible future for Neopia.

Well, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. But almost.

The White Weewoo was released on Neopets on October 27, 2003 after the White-Weewoo-Campaign by the NT writer community. Ever since it has been haunting Krawk Island with its spooky "Wee... Woo... Wee... Woo..." sound. No one knows what it means. Insert ominous music here.

- The people who answer the editorials do not like being pelted with rocks, cupcakes, Meepits, tomatoes, or piles of dung. Really. Trust us. They don't.

...You'll still keep doing it anyway, right?

The futile campaign to stop the rock-throwing will go on forever, I suppose.

- Chet Flash is the reclusive and unknown character of the Neopian Times. No one knows who he is. No one knows where he came from. No one knows why Times writers continue to obsessively write about him. Maybe he's another just another conspiracy. Please disregard.

- History lesson time. In the olden days, back when Tyrannian Grarrls and Chias were still banging each other with Bony Grarrl Clubs, the Neopian Times used to look different. Instead of the beautiful, refined look of the blue theme and the sloping script at the top with two blue quills, the prehistoric version is much simpler. The very first layout had a slogan which said "For an easier life." There was a picture of a man and woman at the top.

- The next layout has different comics and images make up the background, while the basic theme is a yellow-gold color. At the top the title is accompanied by an image of a JubJub reading a book. For a little while he was blue but then became gold.

- Back in the olden days, the editor of the times was Mr. Shankly. He was a notable Neopian in that he had quite an unusual hairstyle, spent way too much time with his nose buried in the Times, and had an unhealthy obsession with dung. Lately the Times has been smelling quite a bit better.

After Mr. Shankly came Snowflake, whose dominion of the Neopian Times Land was a happy and prosperous reign. She lived in an igloo on Terror Mountain and used to steal Popsicles from the Super Happy Icy Fun Shop (no, really).

Droplet, at the time of this publication, is the current editor. One could say the Snowflake melted and became a Droplet.

You're supposed to be laughing.

- On more than once occasion, a group of writers and artists has joined together to create a recurring theme or “plot” across many articles and comics. There have been numerous instances of these collaborative efforts, most notably Faerie Wars and Goldrun. The former of these actually had Neopians believing there was to be a new plot. The use of subliminal messaging has been very important to these “plots” succeeding. They had to be subtle and, above all, believable. It took a great deal of cooperation to pull such feats off.

- In the Neopian Times Editorial, the Neopets Staff answers, on average, 15 questions per week.

- Where can you acquire the newest issue of the Neopian Times? Well, unbeknownst to many, the Neopian Times Stand is actually located in the Deep Catacombs, near the Coffee Shop and the Storytelling campfire. There, a yellow Chia with a green cap waves around wrinkled issues of the Times for anyone who wants them.

- The issue number that you see in the Neopian Times is WRONG. You've seen that little number 450 at the top there, and you've been living under a delusion your entire life. It's time to disillusion you and bring you to harsh reality.

There were actually two more issues. After the second issue, the count was reset. So the first two issues are not counted into that little number. All Neopia has been living under a lie.

Was that revelation life-changing?

- When on the front page on the Neopian Times, if you cast your eyes downward, you will see who is sponsoring the Neopian Times this week. The sponsor can vary, from being a game, shop, character, or even a contest on the site. We love flicking through back issues just to see the wide array of sponsors. Yes, we do know this sounds a little sad.

- The Neopian Times was first released on January 25, 2000. It is a date of infamy, and one that will go down in Neopian history. *insert triumphant music here*

- You remember the special White Weewoo (yes, it still deserves capital letters)? Well, he has a Neopian Times avatar of his very own. Every time someone posts with it, TNT must pay royalties to the White Weewoo population, making them the second richest petpets next to the Kadoaties (Well, you didn’t think they ate all those un-buyable foods, did you?) Seriously, though, to gain this marvelous and extremely exclusive avatar you must be published in special issues of the Neopian Times. It is only available once a year, hence the exclusivity.

- If you are successfully published enough in the Neopian Times, then you may just receive the highly-sought-after Neopian Times Star avatar. Plus, people swoon when you post on the Neoboards with it, and who doesn’t love adoring fans?

- For those who say they will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever get accepted into the Neopian Times, we'd like to inform you of a very important statistic. It is known that 0.00000001 Neopians have gotten their work into the Neopian Times without actually writing something and submitting it. This means you have a chance, no matter how small! So reflect on that and keep your optimism up.

For the record, we have not, as yet, seen a 0.00000001 of a Neopian walking about Neopia Central, but if we do we shall inform you as this would be an extremely news-worthy incident.

- Want to know a secret? We know how to increase your chances of getting those editorial questions answered and those articles published. Grammar, people! Proper grammar! Although boring, the simple task of spelling your words correctly, capitalizing your letters and using commas appropriately will make the editorial staff very happy.

- The Neopian Times will not accept any submissions claiming outrageous facts such as that Jelly World is real. It is not, and that is final. There is no point to causing massive hysteria that will leave most Neopians rushing over to the middle of nowhere to find nothing at all. Therefore, the kind editor graciously censors out these rude, biased, and extremely false submissions.

- However good a writer/artist you are, the Neopian Times limits you to being published once a week. This is to make it fairer on everybody trying to be published.

- Sending in a submission which says "I want to get into the Neopian Times. I want to get into the Neopian Times. I want to get into the Neopian Times. I want to get into the Neopian Times," repeated a thousand times does NOT, repeat, does NOT get you in. Surprisingly.

- Rejections hurt, don’t they? After hours of hard work and effort, you submit your work, only to have it rejected a few weeks later. It's disheartening, depressing and, well, downright sad. How about when it happens a second time, or even a third? You may start to feel that the Neopian Times has a terrible grudge against you, but this isn’t true. Try to remember the editors are objective, and certainly don’t hate you. Use these rejections and learn from them. Try not to make the same mistakes again and certainly don’t ever give up trying.

- Being published in the Neopian Times editorial does not count as actually being published; thus, you do not get a trophy. Yes, it’s disappointing, but nobody said getting that beautiful quill trophy came easy.

- What is the best way to show your support for the Neopian Times? There are several items in Neopia that you can use. Wear an I Love The Neopian Times T-Shirt. Drink from a Neopian Times Mug. Write with a Neopian Times Quill, on a Neopian Times Notebook, and store your pens in a Neopian Times Pencil Case. Decorate your room with a Framed Neopian Times and a Neopian Times Poster. Relax on a Neopian Times Bean Bag, and cuddle with a Neopian Times Issue #3 Plushie. The possibilities are endless.

Although we take no responsibility if after doing all of this you find yourself friendless and alone. Remember, nobody loves the creepy obsessed kid...

- Do not take articles as cold hard fact. Many times they are not. Just because an article says a proper use for Yellow Growth is to add paprika, salt, and serve it at a fancy dinner doesn't mean you should do it. Many times (gasp) article writers add in things such as this just to fulfill their evil world-domination plans and have a giggle at the hate mails.

Notice: This, of course, does not apply to this article and the authors involved. We, of course, despise such irrelevant and undignified articles and would not, of course, do anything similar.

- The Neopian Times is not just published in English; it comes in many other languages such as Chinese and Spanish. Next time you are a little bored just change the language you view Neopets in and read the Times in a whole new language. Who knows, you may even learn something!

- The Neopian Times is so special that it has its own individual bank of artwork, to be used as “cover artwork” for the comic, stories and articles. The editors pick which piece of art they feel reflects the plot, tone and type of article. Over the many issues a huge amount of art has been collected so it can be reused, making the Neopian Times a sustainable newspaper!

- Every now and then the Neopian Times has special “themed” days; these include lots of stories and comics about the theme and a very special different layout and colour scheme. Pink for the Fyora issue, green for Illusen and a spooky theme for Halloween.

When these special issues of the Neopian Times are released, prizes are awarded. For example, all the Neopians who are published during Christmas or Halloween receive a special prize, such as a rare paint brush or a spiffy petpet.

- The Neopian Times is the ONLY reputable newspaper in Neopia. Don't go looking for a Neopian Gazette, a Neopia Today or a Neopian Weekly. The only other newspaper in the history of Neopia is the Ugga Ugg Times, which, of course, is way too prehistoric to read. Besides the fact that it's difficult to read the news when all it says is "Ugg ugga ugg ugg ugga ugg." You can try, though.

There you go! An article full of fun filled facts about your favourite newspaper. We hope we managed to impart some wisdom, knowledge or even just make you smile a little. Whilst writing this article, we actually ending up learning a lot of useless facts, interesting trivia and some downright weird things. This article was a lot of fun to write and we hope you had some fun reading it.

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