Fyora Day Dos and Don'ts

Anyway, Queen Fyora's Birthday falls on the second day of the Month of Relaxing. So, I bet you're running around in circles wondering what to do. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T CARE? Ahem. Sorry again, the Meepits just came to "reeducate" me yesterday.

Now, Fyora is really important, so you probably don't want to ruin her birthday. Being someone famous, it might be hard for you to decide what to do. So, for that, I've got some tips on what to do and not to do for Fyora's Special Day.

Don'ts

Yes, we will be starting with the don'ts first, because I know with an average attention span, you'll probably have just read the first few sentences and gone away. So, to prevent you from doing something bad, the don'ts are first.

Don't Send her a NeoGreeting/Neomail

Now then, you must be staring at me wondering, "Is this writer crazy?" Well, the answer to that one is yes, but not with this tip. You see, NeoGreetings are a nice way to send on a holiday, or birthday to one of your friends, but Fyora is a Queen, so you have to think differently. I mean, there are so many Neopians, and the poor Queen probably gets a mountain worth of NeoGreetings and Neomails. She doesn't read any of them, and they're usually just used for fuel. (Why do you think the Hidden Tower is invisible? So the Queen isn't up to her neck in Neomails.)

Don't Send her an Item

You see, Fyora is a queen, and owns every single rare artifact that exists in Neopia. I'm repeating the fact she's a queen over and over, because I know you weren't listening. Now, not only will it be a waste for you to send your rarest items, they won't even be of use. So, items are another no-no.

Don't Irritate Her

The following things count as irritating her:

1. Going to the Hidden Tower and screaming: c@n i hVe sM fRy ITemS? im p00R. This also counts if you scream it in proper grammar, which is "I'm poor. Can I have some free items?".

2. Asking her if she's wearing a pink walking carpet as a wig. (For some completely unknown and unfathomable to us, this annoys her.)

3. Telling her she's ugly, or asking how old she is.

4. Making "Down With Fyora T-Shirts". (Again, this annoys her for some completely unknown reason.)

5. I couldn't think of anything for Number Five, and since you have to have at least five points in a list, there you go. That was your last tip.

Now then, before you go calling all of my ideas useless and leaving, you have to read the Dos now.

Start a Fyora Day Parade

This isn't as hard as it sounds. All you have to do is get a banner that says "Happy Birthday, Fyora!" or something. Then, learning there's a Fyora Day parade, hundreds of Neopians will follow you. And, being leader of the parade, you get all of the credit.

Be Kind to the Faeries

Now, this isn't too hard to do. Fyora is happy when people help her, but will be more happy if you help her subjects. For example, why reject that Faerie Quest, if you can afford it? Also, if you're a very powerful Battledomer, you might just teach that Balthazar a lesson or two. Or, free some bottled Faeries. Or, make some "Down with Balthazar!" posters.

Note: The writer will not be responsible for any injuries, or being trapped inside a bottle, if you are attacked by Balthazar. So, unless you really have belief in your Battledome Abilities, don't try to.

Organize Parties!

This, like a parade, is not at all difficult. You see, Neopians are very eager to show their loyalty to Fyora on Fyora Day, with the belief that she'll give some favoritism to those who do so. However, the Queen never shows any such feelings, and we don't do this for the prizes. *coughs*

So, back to the party idea, it's not difficult to organize. As a matter of fact, you can do it without spending one Neopoint. Just say you're hosting a party, involve enough Neopians, and they'll donate it to it themselves! You can even have some homemade Fyora Day t-shirts, hats and party favors.

Write About Her

And I don't mean some poems or articles on how you hate Fyora, or think she's mean for never giving you a quest or something, I mean some nice poems. The Queen does appreciate such things.

Hidden Tower

Now, with the usual intelligence you have, I bet you don't even know where the Hidden Tower is. (Well, you're not supposed to. I mean, it's HIDDEN!) Now, you must remember to practice your manners there. All the Neopoints go to Faerieland, so you're making a generous donation. Just don't ask for free items, or try to steal anything. (Who do you think took the Pant Devil's pants?)

Buy Meepits

Urr, wait. How did this come? Must be another ploy by those Meepits....

So, our article is about to come to a close. Now, I bet you're thinking, "Wow! You're such a cool and awesome writer, how will I ever compete with your knowledge?" WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK MY ARTICLE'S A JOKE? These are some really great tips.

Disclaimer: The great and awesome writer who wrote this truly amazing article *deflates head* is in no way responsible for any damage that may come from following these tips. And oh yes, before we end, I must tell you something. I have found that the Meepits are training their army in Jell- *is taken, once again, to the "reeducation center".