Preparing Neopia for the Meepits Circulation: 179,088,154 Issue: 437 | 2nd day of Eating, Y12
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The Meepit Adventures: A Tale of Two Staffs: Part One

by doody_duty


The Story so Far...

Mr. Meepit, the world’s most infamous petpet, has travelled through time after brawling with a pure evil time-travelling Feepit. While in the past, though, Mr. Meepit met his past self in the Haunted Woods, causing the Universe to go boom.

As you can guess, by the very fact that this story exists, the Universe did not, in fact, get destroyed in an explosion. No, the Universe just rearranged itself so as to put Mr. Meepit and the Year 8 Neopia together at last. So, this involved sending Mr. Meepit to the Year 5, where the Year 8 Neopia currently was, side by side with Year 5 Neopia. Confusing, I know, but bear with me.

      The residents of Year 5 Neopia felt extremely scared at the appearance of the Year 8 Neopia in their orbit, though some believed that Dr. Sloth had just installed a gigantic mirror around their Neopia. The residents of Year 8 Neopia felt the exact same, but also had an extreme sense of Déjà vu that none could place.

      Perhaps the pet with the weirdest feeling was Mr. Meepit, who had suddenly been thrown forward in time. The reason for this feeling of fear and confusion wasn’t just because he had been shot through time out-of-the-blue; it was because it was the wrong Mr. Meepit: Year 8 Mr. Meepit was kept in Year 1, and Year 1 Mr. Meepit was in Year 5. Of course, Year 5 Mr. Meepit was in Year 5 as well, with an oddly awesome new moustache, but we’ll get to him later.

      Year 8 Mr. Meepit, or as we shall call him from now on, ‘Mr. Meepit’, was surprised by the sudden departure of his past self, and a big ‘BOOM!’ sound, but only responded with a short: “Well, better get that Staff thingy,” and quickly turned to begin digging on the X.

      Mr. Meepit from Year 1, or as we will call him, ‘Uno’, was unsurprisingly more surprised by the seemingly random turn of events. Upon appearing in Year 5, on Year 8 Neopia, Uno promptly started coughing. This wasn’t only caused by surprise, however; it was also caused by the fact that his right arm had changed, or more specifically, was now a sketch arm. “Uh oh,” Uno said, “My future self’s meddling in the past, or my, time is rendering me, and thus him, sketch, and we, or I, might disappear foreve- ooh, pie!”

      While Uno was raiding the inter-dimensional pie shop, the moustached Year 5 Mr. Meepit, or as he will be known as for simplicity’s sake, ‘Trent’, was at home with a globe, busy trying to figure out a way to the newly discovered land of Quigara. As he began wondering why no one had had the idea of seeing what was on the other side of Neopia yet, he realised that his eyes had become sketch, which is not an easy thing to see.

      Mr. Meepit (the one from Year 8) had finished digging, and found the Staff of Time that had caused this entire ruckus. It didn’t match his expectations; indeed, it seemed to purely be a pocket watch taped to a stick with the words ‘Chet Flash wuz here’ on it. “Wow, that’s a disappointment. Hmm... I feel like some pie...” As soon as he mentioned the pastry, the watch began to ring, the stick started shaking, and Mr. Meepit was whisked away to a time that involved him at a pie shop, facing his Year 1 equivalent again, this time minus an arm.

      “Not you again,” yelled Uno, “Last time I saw you, or me, I, or you, was transported to wherever I am now!”

      “Yeah, that was a pretty big-”


      The Universe is a very peculiar thing. Sometimes it wants one thing and sometimes it wants another. At this point in our story, I’m fairly hesitant to use the word ‘time’, the Universe was sick and tired of these two Mr. Meepit’s meeting each other/himself, so to spice things up, this latest BOOM in Space-Time brought the third Mr. Meepit, Trent, to the same location as the other two, Mr. Meepit and Uno. That is, all three Meepits were in a pie shop in Year 5.

      “It’s like looking in a funhouse mirror,” said Mr. Meepit, breaking the silence brought on by the new addition to the trio of Meepits.

      “Yeah, I’ve only got one arm, he’s got no eyes and an awesome moustache, and you have no torso,” replied Uno, who was in fact correct: Mr. Meepit’s top half was now rather sketchy, pun intended.

      “So, what in Fyora’s name is happening,” asked Trent. “What’s happening to me, or we, or I, or us, or... man, I have a headache.”

      “I don’t know, Me with the ‘Stache,” said Mr. Meepit, “but I think it might have to do with this powerful staff that lets me control time!”

      “That controls time? I’ll believe it when I see it,” replied Uno.

      “Okay then. Umm... Magic Wand, send me to the past!” As he spoke these words, the watch’s alarm rang, and the space around him, well, didn’t change at all. He did seem to have moved through time; however, as was evident with the speaking he could slowly hear more and more clearly: “...believe it when I se- wait, why is it ringing?”

      “Is it safe to be manipulating time? I mean, couldn’t the Universe go BOOM?” Trent seemed to be so confused by the incident that his Meepit evil, or Meevil, had nearly entirely left him.

      “Oh, silly naïve me from the past... the Universe has already gone BOOM twice. Now, who wants to go on a joyride through time?” To no surprise, all three Meepits agreed to the suggestion from Mr. Meepit, and thus the most confusing journey known to Meepit-kind stepped it up a notch.


      The first trip was to Tyrannia in the Month of Giving, Year 7, where Trent tried to write that ‘Meepit was here’ on a flying rock, but due to the lack of Neoschools, he accidently wrote the first letter upside-down. The second trip was to the mythical land of Shenkuu, earlier in the same year, when Mr. Meepit from Year 8 put up a square piece of paper with an orange Blumaroo and a white hat on the newsstand and said it was an Avatar, before chuckling. Neither of the other Meepits knew what he was laughing about, and he mentioned that they would only find out when they were his age.

      While travelling through time, however, the body parts of the Meepits were slowly dissipating away. The only time when this was noticed through the pranking, however, was after Uno had suggested to a strange creature called Adam that Neobuddies would be a great idea. This was the moment when they realised none of the three had arms anymore, and were therefore stuck in Year 9. A series of bad words would have been sure to follow... had not all of their mouths disappeared too.


      Every Friday in Neopia meant one thing for the denizens of the Haunted Woods: NeoPoker night between the Brain Tree and the Esophagor. The absurdity of the event was always intriguing. Who would win? Why’s he betting that much? How are they holding cards without hands? The weekly happenings, however, were recently escalated when their Neopia, Year 8 Neopia, arrived in Year 5, consequently adding Year 5 Brain Tree and Year 5 Esophagor into the mix.

      Needless to say, this didn’t just reinvigorate the sessions – it totally and utterly confused everyone watching until halfway through the first session, when something went very, very wrong. If you’ve read the story before this, you’d probably know that the Esophagor is in fact a sort of primordial goop mixed with a pure evil Feepit named Fred. If you haven’t read the previous story, I just ruined it for you. Tough luck, you should’ve read it. Just kidding: that doesn’t really ruin anything. Except the ending.

      Anyway, with two disgustingly bubbly sludge piles of the same evil sorcerer near each other, well, you can see where this is going, can’t you? Yes, the Feepit regained his power and the two Esophagors fused together. The Neopets and Petpets either fled or watched in confused terror as the goo twisted around itself, shaped into the form of a ten-foot tall Feepit, though the colour remained the same green that you would find in a possessed toilet. “It’s been five years for part of me, eight for the other, but it doesn’t matter... I will get my revenge on Mr. Meepit!”

      The beast raised this right arm, and began to glow with a strange red aura. “Come to me, Staff of Time!”

      The pets that were still there, frozen in terror, began to look at each other and snicker after about a minute of no motion. One Zombie pet began to laugh.

      “Come to me!

      Still nothing.

      The Feepit roared, “The Meepit has taken the Staff.” The creature’s eyes squeezed together in anger. “I will show him... the Staff of Space is still mine!” The monster raised his left arm into the air and called for the Staff of Space, and his aura turned blue, followed shortly by a majestic sceptre, such as one a king would have, appeared in a flash into his ever-goopy hands. “Now... to exterminate the pest!”


      Anyone walking to the Book Shop in Neopia Central on the 24th day of the the Month of Running in Year 9 would have passed three mouthless, armless, and overall limbless pink blobs (one with a moustache) on the side of the road. Luckily for the first blob, Mr. Meepit, they seemed to have gained a sense of telepathy to interact with each other. To others, however, it would seem the blobs were simply bouncing up and down, like rubber balls which one out of three had a moustache. “What do we do, me?” bounced Mr. Meepit.

      “I don’t know. What do you think we should do, other me,” replied Uno.

      “Why don’ we-” The trans-Petpet thought was cut short by the arrival of Mr. Meepit from Year 9, or Non, as we shall call him. “What in Fyora’s name are you three things?” he yelled. “I mean, come on! I can hear your thoughts from all the way on Kreludor! I dropped my Neocola Token in a crater because of the loudness of your discussion and it flew into the Sun! I hadda’ get a token from some weird Grundos talking about Parlax’s scars.” The newly arrived Meepit noticed the Staff of Time lying next to Uno. “Why do I have a strange sense of Déjà vu? It’s like I’ve seen that befo-”

      Suddenly the sky ripped open. A slash appeared above the Book Shop, and the fabric of the Universe began ripping. Oddly, the rip was directly in front of the sun, thus causing an eerily unique eclipse. Goo began crawling through the rip and grabbed Mr. Meepit (of Year 8). As the pink blob began reforming into a Meepit form, the rest of the blobs disappeared, returning to their own times. Of course Non was already in his own time, so he went to get some cookies-and-cream ice cream while the fully-reformed Mr. Meepit was dragged screaming into the rip, shouting: “Ow! Hehe, that tickles!”


      Two thousand years ago, in the year 1991 BCF (Before Chet Flash), King Aktung of the Qasalanian Empire demanded his subjects create him weapons of pure power. They returned to him minutes later with two staffs, one pristine, one looking like it was pulled from the Meridell Dump. Before strongly requesting the removal of the dismal scepter, to be sent to inter-world relations, and taking possession of the upscale one, he asked his servants how they created the dual artifacts. The answer was simple: Fyora herself had created the pair as a birthday present for the Space Faerie, but the Post Pteri couldn’t place the address ‘Somewhere in Outer Space’, so just dropped them from mid-air, where they began their descent onto a Cobrall’s head. “We... uh... we made them with bubble-gum and sticky-tape,” lied the Lupe.

      Five hundred years later, when the Altadorian Prince Antony met with Princess Meopatra of Qasala, he was given the Staff of Time as a token of alliance between the two states. Of course, he thought that the Staff of Time was just a stick with a clock on it, so he waged war on the desert city. After hundreds of years of war, when Antony realized that Qasala had disappeared of the face of Neopia, the Staff of Space appeared in the Brain Tree’s brain who, till Year 1, repeatedly screamed: “Get it off! Get it off!”

      The Adventurous Techo Mark O. Polo set off from Altador twelve years later with the Staff of Time, and quested around Neopia to get ahold of its partner. After twelve years of exploration, while reaching for the Brain Tree’s cranium, he fell into a hole, and theoretically went on to find Shenkuu after falling through Neopia. Anyway, the Staff of Time didn’t fall all the way through, but was instead grabbed by a Zombie Poogle and buried.

      Year 1 came, and Mr. Meepit fought Fred Feepit for the fate of the universe. Mr. Meepit met Mr. Meepit. Mr. Meepit went through time, while Mr. Meepit grabbed the Staff of Time and traveled through time too. Mr. Meepit then met Mr. Meepit again in Year 5, and was soon joined by Mr. Meepit. Mr. Meepit, Mr. Meepit, and Mr. Meepit then traveled through time to Year 9, where they met Mr. Meepit. Mr. Meepit and Mr. Meepit then appeared back in their own times, while a gooey arm that came from a rip in the Space-Time Continuum grabbed Mr. Meepit. Mr. Meepit went to get cookies. You follow?

     Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Mr. Meepit (the year 8 one) awoke, staring into the eyes of a very angry sludge monster. Various emotions ran through his head; however, one stuck out among the rest: “Geez, you reek!”

      The monster just glared with its blaring red eyes, before growling: “You try keeping your breath minty fresh in the disgusting ground of the Haunted Woods since the dawn of time!”

      “Feepit? Is that you? Whoa, man, long time no see!” It was at this point that Mr. Meepit realized what was happening. “Oh, you remember that whole me-throwing-you-into-the-ground-thing? Yeah, well, sorry about that. I was tired, and the world was ending, and-”

      “Be quiet!” Feepit flung Mr. Meepit into a nearby tree, but not before stealing the Staff of Time. “You have only impeded my plans, and now I shall kill you for it!” The monster held both staffs above his head, and the two glowed. Not the green glow associated with most glowing items in Neopia, but more of a ‘ooh, shiny!’ glow. “Now, Meepit, feel the wrath of the Fee-”

      When Mr. Meepit opened his eyes, after being so scared he had closed them, he witnessed one of the oddities of the universe. There are many of these events. There was the time Bonju was discovered, the time when Grundos began speaking normally, and not backwards, and that one time when people could read food. This event, however, was top of the crop. When Mr. Meepit opened his eyes, he witnessed Year 1, Year 5, and Year 9 versions of him beating up a 20-foot tall sludge monster in the form of a Feepit.

     When these sorts of oddities happen, people do many things. They laugh, they cry, they stare. They rarely, however, do they do what Mr. Meepit did: he joined in. Eventually, the monster once again reduced to the sludge that is/was the Esophagor, to which all five Meepits sighed a sigh of relief.


     The four Meepits sat on a log in Year 8 Neopia’s Haunted Woods, each eating a Lutari Pop, debating what to do next.

     “So, we all up for returning to our own time,” asked Uno.

     “What about the Staff of Time and Space, though,” replied Non.

     “Yeah, we only got one of each...” said Trent.

     It was at this point that Mr. Meepit (of Year 8) proposed a new, appreciated idea. “Here’s what we do...”


      It’s 1991 BCF, and a swift pink blur stole two staffs from the exalted King Aktung of Qasala. It’s 1490 BCF, and an unseen creature pickpocketed two magical artifacts from the Qasalan Princess Meopatra. It’s 1495 BCF, and a blotchy pink monster scared Prince Antony out of two rods. It’s 2 BCF, and a monstrous pink creature looted two mystical rods from the sleeping body of Mark O. Polo.

      It’s Year 8, and Mr. Meepit prepares to go on an inter-dimensional joyride with his three fellow Staff of Time and Staff of Space wielding Meepits. “Let’s do this!”

      And the Meepits disappeared into a newly conjured portal, never to be seen on Neopia again.

To be continued...

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