The Neopian Food Review: Pizzaroo
Duty has called, Neopia. Have you ever gone to that favorite eatery, whether you prefer Hubert’s Hot Dogs or Kelp, and ordered something sublime? Wouldn’t you have liked to share your joy with the rest of us? That’s where I come in. I’ll eat at a variety of locations around the globe (and on the Space Station) so you can know what to eat when you go out. I’ll tell you what’s good and what you should definitely stay away from. From here on in, Neopia, you can count on me.
The first establishment I’d like to review is Pizzaroo. It’s got a nice location in the Neopian Plaza and, as it seems, a pizza for all tastes.
The first gripe I’d like to make is about their Dung Pizza. Why do they even sell that? All of it ends up immediately in the garbage can – so is that it? Do they like their garbage cans to smell like dung? I honestly don’t understand it. The only person I saw actually finish a slice was Alton Moughbry of Meridell. I tried to ask him how he could eat something so vile, but he simply muttered something about going to count his potatoes. Until I figure out why someone would want to eat this pizza, use your common sense and don’t order it.
I think I’ll get all of the negatives out of the way early. Another bad pizza made at Pizzaroo is the Deluxe Water Pizza. Not surprisingly, it’s just not filling. The pizza is also about as bland as, well, water. It is refreshing, so I would say that the only reason to buy this is if you’ve spent the day fighting crime at Defenders of Neopia HQ – but even then, you’ll probably want something more filling after a day of hard work.
Other pizzas to avoid: Mini Tooth Faerie Pizza (uses real teeth), Crust-Only Pizza (first two words say it all), Sushi Pizza (I didn’t think sushi was supposed to be cooked), Grey Pizza Slice (makes you sad), Garlic Pizza (people won’t want you to talk for days), any pizza with ‘mud’ in its name.
A great meal would be the Pirate Pizza. Whether you’re celebrating Krawk Island’s recent Altador Cup win or just having dinner, it’s sure to satisfy. Complete with skull–shaped meat slices, a pirate flag in the middle, and crust soaked in grog, this pizza tastes like something straight out of Cap’n Threelegs’ kitchen. I would highly recommend it to any fan of Krawk Island’s Golden Dubloon (a place I may review shortly).
Other pizzas to try: Anchovy Pizza (best around), Coral Pizza (has that nice Maraquan taste), Smiley Pizza (brightens up your day), Steak and Egg Pizza (a real option for breakfast).
Looking for dessert? Pizzaroo has that too! I would have to recommend their Strawberry Cream Pizza, Lemon Bubble Pizza, and Jelly Bean Pizza (because who doesn’t love jelly beans on their pizza?) If you’re in the mood for chocolate, go for the Chocolate Chip Pizza, which I found to be absolutely divine. Their Caramel Pizza Slices are also quite delicious. Sometimes it’s hard to save room for dessert - especially at a place like Pizzaroo, with their bold toppings – but you simply have to try one of their dessert pizzas. You won’t be disappointed.
Don’t be afraid to try new things at Pizzaroo – their PIZZA OF DEATH scares most people away immediately, but if you’re brave enough to try it, it won’t kill you. In fact, it’s actually quite delicious. I heard one patron describe it as “a sensory overload fit for a king”. While that doesn’t confirm that it’s good, we’ll take it: at the very least, it justifies the ungodly price tag. It’s still a mystery, however, what makes PIZZA OF DEATH so good. Could it be the skull on top? The gracious hills of cheese? We may never know. One thing I do know, however, is that they should sell shirts that say “I Survived The PIZZA OF DEATH”. I think they would sell big. Call me, Pizzaroo.
Pizzaroo is also known for innovation around Neopia: they have recently come out with a new line of “Pizza Blocks”, including the Meat Feast Pizza Block for you carnivores out there and the Vegetarian Pizza Block for the herbivores. There are also three more for everyone in between (and one of them is for dessert)! All are priced very reasonably for the average Neopian and you really get more for your Neopoints. Only one caution: the Four Dirt Pizza Block tastes like dirt. Big surprise there.
Finally, I asked the shopkeeper at Pizzaroo for a short interview after my meal and he graciously accepted. Here is an excerpt from the interview:
Q: Why do you think Pizzaroo should get a high rating from me?
A: “Oh, our pizza is simply the best! It’s better than all the rest. Do you like pepperoni? Cheese? We’ll bring you to your knees! Oh, I do love to rhyme. But yes, we have a pizza for everyone here at Pizzaroo, including lots of gourmet varieties. We’ve even got some really good ones for dessert. How cool is that?”
Q: What is in PIZZA OF DEATH that makes it so delicious?
A: “Well, I start with a mix of Fish Ice Cream and flour for the crust, then I put my feet... oh, wait, I’m not supposed to tell anyone this. It’s only so expensive because nobody will ever know how to make it.”
Q: Why Dung Pizza?
A: “Someone told me it would be a good idea a while ago... can’t remember who, but I wish I did so I could tell him it wasn’t. I’ve only kept it stocked for so long for Alton, who you saw earlier. I don’t get why he likes that stuff... I can’t even stand to smell it.”
Thanks to the shopkeeper at Pizzaroo for the interview, but now, it’s finally time for my verdict. Out of a score of 10, Pizzaroo deserves a solid 8. Why do I think this? Well, they really do have a lot of different kinds of pizza and they’re never afraid to invent a new one. Their Pizza Blocks are extremely innovative; I’m sure there’s great success for them if they continue along that line. Most importantly, though, Pizzaroo gets an 8 because most of their pizzas are absolutely delicious and leave you feeling full. If you’re not looking for that, go to Kelp, not here. Overall, Pizzaroo is a great place to eat as long as you use your common sense.
And now, Neopia, from myself and everyone here at the Neopian Food Review (...okay, it’s only me), I bid you happy eating. Look for the next review coming soon!