Battle Quills... ready! Circulation: 171,601,943 Issue: 397 | 19th day of Relaxing, Y11
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Which Iconic Neopian Villain Are You?

by autotune


Villains: Neopia has seen its fair share of them in the course of 11 years. From the wicked to the demented to the misunderstood to the just plain weird, our not-so-beloved criminals of Neopia come in all shapes and sizes and colours. And for better or for worse, it seems like they're here to stay.

Neopia's resident evils have been a major part of our history and culture. Who can possibly forget the insane, twisted brilliance of Dr Frank Sloth - or his dastardly schemes to rule Neopia? And what about the mysterious Shadow Usul, the once beautiful Vira, the undisguised avarice of the (Angry) Tax Beast? Granted, a few of these shady characters aren't exactly criminal masterminds per se, but sometimes a little evil goes a long way. (It's the thought that counts!)

If you've always wanted to know what evil Neopian denizen you most resemble, look no further than this simple multiple-choice quiz! Here we celebrate evil in its various manifestations! For a more in-depth guide at the various Neopian baddies across the ages, do go check out our very own Gallery of Evil!

Boring Disclaimer: This quiz will not actually "transform" you into a magnificent work of evil, contrary to the title. It can only attempt to match you up with an iconic Neopian criminal based on similar shared characteristics. If you are keen on becoming a true villain, the Neopian Times is sure to have a selection of literature on the topic. Or you could always approach Jhudora/Edna... although this is (highly) not recommended.

And without further ado, here is the quiz you've all been waiting for! Applause, please.

1. In Neoschool, you were always the kid who...

A. Was too busy plotting World Domination to eat lunch.

B. Was too busy primping in front of a mirror to eat lunch.

C. What was that sound? Your lunch is nowhere to be seen! Who could have taken it?

D. Was taking other kids' Neopoints for lunch.

E. Was lunch.

2. Your favourite food is..

A. Is Neocola a food?

B. Is lipstick a food?

C. What was that sound? Your food is nowhere to be seen! Who could have taken it?

D. Are Neopoints a food?

E. Am I a food?

3. You are throwing Neopia's biggest party! Who's on your guest list?

A. Commander Garoo!

B. Jhudora, she has amazing hair. Plus her nails are poisonous.

C. What was that sound? Your guest list is nowhere to be seen! Who could have taken it?

D. Sloth, or Skarl. They have such great plans for the Neopian economy!

E. The Lab Ray Scientist.

4. Your guest list is complete! But where are you holding this awesome party?

A. Kreludor! Free Neocola around.

B. A flowery meadow.

C. Neopia Central alleyway *cough*

D. Meridell Castle, where the treasure lies.

E. Jelly W- uh, I mean, I dunno.

6. Enough with the sappy questions! Now, for a real question of evil...


A. Yes

B. Yes

C. Yes

D. Yes

E. Yes

7. Okay, now for an even evil-er question..

What is your malevolent weapon of choice?

A. Obedience Medallion, or Neocola Tokens if I'm out of Medallions.

B. Mirrors... lots of them.

C. What was that sound? Your Malevolent Weapon is nowhere to be seen! Who could have taken it?

D. Bag of Broken Neopoints!

E. Jelly Blobs of Doom. So what if they don't exist?

8. Complete the following sentence: the cake ________.

A. shall worship me!

B. is fattening.

C. is nowhere to be seen!

D. is 576 NP; prices not inclusive of tax.

E. has feelings too, you know!

9. Did you notice that question number 5 was missing?

A. No

B. No

C. No

D. No

E. No

10. And did you just scroll back up to check?

A. Yes

B. Yes

C. Yes

D. Yes

E. Yes

11. Who is your favourite non-villainous Neopian?

A. The Brain Tree. The dude's smart, freaky looking and so scary he makes Neopians wet their pants. What's not to like?

B. Tandrak Shaye ~*~

C. Hannah the Usul, she's got guts.

D. The Plushie Tycoon Grarrl/Skeith. Which one does the tax?

E. The Food Shop Chia!

12. What’s your lucky number?

A. 42

B. 7

C. After 12

D. 10 (percent)

E. Over 9000

13. Does Jelly World exist?

A. No

B. No

C. No

D. No

E. I wish!

14. Why did the Weewoo cross the road?

A. To Take Over The World

B. To get to the mirror on the other side.

C. What was that sound? Your Weewoo is nowhere to be seen! Who could have taken it?

D. Its owner hasn't been paying the bills, eh?

E. Four and twenty Weewoos baked in a pie!

15. What's your favourite colour?

A. Pink... err... I mean... GREEN. And black. Yes. Together.

B. Black and red.

C. No colour is good colour!

D. Acid green.

E. Gelatinous blue.

And that concludes the (almost) 15 questions!

Now for the much-anticipated answers! If you answered:

Mostly As: You are Dr Frank Sloth! You are an evil genius with barely a (tattered) scrap of conscience. You desire World Domination (obviously) and will stop at nothing until you achieve it. Never mind that Neopia has thwarted you in the past: you will succeed some day (in the near future) and you will do it with cunning codes, Caffeine-Free Neocola (tokens), crooked schemes and your very own fan club of Mind-Controlled minions!

Evil Rating: 10/10. Evil to the max.

Mostly Bs: You are Vira! To be honest, you're not so much malicious as just plain nasty... and vain. While you may be small in stature, you are well versed in hair-pulling, scratching, biting, and shin-kicking: not to be underestimated at any cost! Never too far away from a (black) mirror, you are still bitter over the loss of your once charming beauty and have been cursed to spending your life seeding narcissism, malice and spite into the hearts of Neopets.

Evil Rating: 6/10. 'Pretty' evil.

Mostly Cs: You are the Shadow Usul! You prowl Neopia Central’s streets by night, and hardly anyone manages to catch a glimpse of you. Mysterious is your middle name: no one knows your motives, and no one knows your real name. You are often content with swiping items rather than actually hurting anyone, but when provoked, you have been known to unleash torrents of water and wind upon the offender.

Evil Rating: 6/10. Dark and sinister.

Mostly Ds: You are the Tax Beast! You're scary when you're angry and even scarier when you aren't! Thank goodness you're usually angry, eh? You aren't that interested in World Domination - you'd prefer to 'guide' from the sidelines, while rolling in Neopoints. Nothing pleases you more than taking a large percentage off some poor Neopian's savings. As your favourite saying goes, "Nothing is certain but Darigan and taxes." Now if only you could find a way to tax dubloons...

Evil Rating: 8/10. Extremely evil.

Mostly Es: You are the Jelly Chia! While other Neopians of the villainous variety enjoy creeping and lurking and prowling around, you prefer to stay on your hill, away from the rest of Neopia. You are a rare sensitive soul, one that craves love and acceptance more than slavish devotion (a la Sloth). You are a true criminal of circumstance: all too often misunderstood, pitied or ridiculed. You are a force to be reckoned with, however - your sheer size gives you an edge in combat. What you really want, though, is a friend.

Evil Rating: 4/10. Who am I kidding? You're about as evil as a giant blob of.. oh wait.

So that concludes this *excellent* and *informative* quiz! If you have any queries - I'm sure you do! - feel free to contact—

Something has Happened!

What was that sound? Your Neopian Times Article is nowhere to be seen! Who could have taken it?

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