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Chocolate Pwns! (But Some of it Doesn't)

by chocolate_fudge7


Also by princesspinky379

Chocolate--it's sweet, delicious, and ooey gooey. You can hardly resist it; just looking at a square of chocolate is tantalizing. Or is it? As impossible as it may seem, there ARE some chocolates that might not suit your taste... or anyone's, to be exact. So here's the real question: To eat or not to eat?

So the two of us, chocolate_fudge7 (username entirely coincidental) and princesspinky379, have taken on the task of eating countless chocolates in order to find the best--and worst--chocolates in Neopia. After working for who knows how long, we are now ready to present the top ten best and worst chocolates in Neopia, and here to help us are our pets FlamePrincess_2323 the Island Usul and Kyakoy the Silver Shoyru.

Flame: How come I have to be dubbed Flame when he (points to Kyakoy) gets his whole name typed out?

Kyakoy: 'Cause I'm the one with the CHOCOLATE Sprinkle Doughnut Hat. And the name with no numbers. NYAH.

Stop bickering, you two... and let us dive into the best ten chocolate items in Neopia!

10. Chocolate Neodrops

No pet can resist Neodrops. So do you even need to ask if they can resist CHOCOLATE Neodrops? Three delicious layers of chocolate on top of every Neodrop: one crunchy, one chewy, and one creamy.

Flame: How can chocolate be crunchy?

Kyakoy: (rolls eyes)

9. Chocolate Coated Mint Bar

If you like peppermint, and you like chocolate, this is the dessert for you! A bar of peppermint coated with a thick layer of milk chocolate is sure to tempt and please any mint-loving pet.

Kyakoy: The only downside is it doesn't come with a wrapper...

Flame: (puzzled) Does it give you good breath?

8. Chocolate Coated Marshmallow

Nearly everybody who likes chocolate likes marshmallows. So why not combine the two? Just dip a marshmallow in chocolate and ta-da! A Chocolate Coated Marshmallow.


Flame: Hm. Aren't marshmallows rather sticky?

7. Chocolate Tchea Truffle

Tchea Fruit is a food that costs about three neopoints apiece, so thousands of Neopets have tried one. 99.9% of those Neopets have a sweet tooth--but some pets reject every chocolate sent their way because they have never tasted anything like it. The solution is this delicious truffle! It's chocolatey and sweet, yet a familiar taste to any Neopet who's ever tried a Tchea Fruit.

Kyakoy: Although not as cheap as Tchea Fruit, these treats are cheap too--about 2.5k apiece.

Flame: You can have a sweet tooth? (gasps) How can you tell?

6. Orange Chocolate Bar

Chocolate and mint go together good. Chocolate and marshmallows go together great. But nothing goes together as awesomely as chocolate and orange! This makes a great treat for special occasions.

Kyakoy: I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but it's a great bribery if you want your pets to do something they don't want to do...

Flame: So if you leave it outside on a hot day, will only the chocolate melt and make it an Orange Bar?

Kyakoy: (sighs)

5. Chocolate Gormballs

You don't have to like Gormball to love this tasty treat: a couple of marshmallows stuck together, rolled in chocolate, and dipped in nuts. It's simple to make, and it doesn't take too long either, which is good because your pets will be begging for more!

Flame: Will it explode?

Kyakoy: (kicks a chair in frustration)

4. Chocolate Aisha Ears

This chocolate is so light that it practically melts in your mouth. If you don't want that, you can always lick it as if it were a lollypop! Every pet is sure to love this treat.

Kyakoy: Every pet except Aishas.

Flame: (ignoring Kyakoy) I think Pinky would like these! After all, they're Aisha ears, and she's a Faerie Aisha...

3. Peppermint Praline Bar

Peppermint is delicious. As you have probably discovered thus far, so is chocolate and nuts. Then why not combine them all together to create this yummy bar? With a touch of refreshing peppermint, this chocolate bar will blow you away!

Kyakoy: Don't argue it isn't chocolate just because it's called a peppermint. It says "Chocolate" on the wrapper, after all!

Flame: Where do you get blown away to?

2. Chokato Volcano

Sure it doesn't have the word "chocolate" in its name, but as the description says, it was a huge hit at the Year 6 Chocolate Ball!

Kyakoy: Besides, chocolate may be the best food in Neopia, but chokato is a close second!

Flame: (worried) Will THAT explode?

So there you've got the top 9... Time to reveal the last! Are you ready to view the pure awesomeness of this chocolate? *dramatic music plays*

1. Dark Chocolate Hearts

DARK CHOCOLATE HEARTS? Why, they are so plain! These are the thoughts a Neopian might think. But if you've tried one, well, you know better. These smooth, pure dark chocolate hearts are sure to delight. They are creamy and rich, and did you just see that gorgeous box? This chocolate is quite healthy as well, the Tooth Faerie might just approve.

Flame: What is dramatic music?

Kyakoy: Oh, just stop it...

To some chocolate haters, you might just point out that some chocolates are absolutely fascinating. And you would be right... except for the fact that there are some pretty gross chocolates out there in Neopia. What are the top ten most disgusting chocolates, you ask?:

10. Chocolates

You've got to love this delectable treats! Just plain ol' chocolates, perfect for everyone! But what's this?! Try as you might, you just can't pull these chocolates out of their box. Therefore, you have wasted your Neopoints on these non-edible chocolates. *sniff*

Flame: Are you SURE you can't? (pulls out scissors and prepares to cut out chocolates)

Kyakoy: Good thing those are safety scissors...

9. Chocolate Eclair Paste

Oh my, a chocolate eclair in paste form! This should be absolutely delicious... or not. CHOCOLATE ECLAIR? It's a paste; thick and so bad for the teeth that it turns them black! The Tooth Faerie won't be too happy.

Flame: Paste, right? I can use it for bedtime brushing? (squeezes some onto toothbrush and starts brushing)

Kyakoy: (shakes head in relief) Good thing I was prepared for the worst; I substituted the chocolate paste for something... else...

8. Chocolate Moehog Coin

Any chocolate lover would love this. But otherwise, this chocolate is a pain! It's easily mistaken for neopoints, but you cannot spend this coin. Oh, and uh, don't eat it... Moehogs hate it when their "head" is bit off.

Flame: Really? Let me try! (grabs one and starts eating it)

Kyakoy: (mimicking the voice of a three-year old) No, let ME try!

7. Chocolate Jhudora

Everyone loves chocolate... especially when it's a nice big chunk with nothing to stop you from savouring the delightful taste. EXCEPT when it's a chocolate Jhudora. Trust me, the dark faerie won't be too happy when you bite off her chocolate head...

Flame: What? Are you sure? *bites off chocolate arm*

Kyakoy: *rolls eyes*

6. Melted Chocolate Negg

Neggs, we all love them. But... melted? For all any of us humble Neopians know, it could have possibly been trodden on. But as a basic statement, you don't really want to eat something that's melted, do you?

Kyakoy: It also happens to be exceptionally messy.

Flame: So...if you leave it outside on a cold day, will it un-melt and become a Chocolate Negg?

5. Chocolate Fish Pop Milkshake

How unusual... and disgusting! You might thinking I'm crazy: Chocolate is delicious, and fish pops aren't half bad. But take a closer look at the milkshake. It has... weird green swirls mixed with the chocolate part! There are also... erm... eyeballs and the mouth of a fish in it... it's pretty unappetizing!

Flame: What? Like this? (dips fish pop in melted chocolate) Mmmm...

Kyakoy: (sarcastically) Sure, EXACTLY like that...

4. Chocolate Taco

Yuummm... a chocolate taco. sounds like any chocoholic would love. Chocolate: delicious. Taco bread: Still okay. But BACON, MEAT, and SOUR CREAM? Are you out of your mind?

Flame: Chocolate in a taco? That sounds gooood.

Kyakoy: Did you even read what that said?

3. Chocolate Chip Pizza

This may sound totally awesome...but is it really? Sure, chocolate chips are yummy, and so is pizza. But the texture of the pizza crust just doesn't seem to taste right with chocolate. Go ahead and try it if you like, but don't come running to us when you break a tooth on those hard chocolate chips!

Flame: But if we do, we'd get Neopoints from the Tooth Faerie for our broken tooth!

Kyakoy: Tooth? I think you mean teeth.

2. Chocolate Sundae with Ham

The first few words sound so tantalizing, but really, would you eat a delicious chocolate sundae... WITH HAM? I don't think so.

Flame: Chocolate sundae? Sounds pretty good to me!

Kyakoy: (gags)

1. Chocolate Chip Battle Biscuit

Now, for the most awful chocolate item out in Neopia... the CHOCOLATE CHIP BATTLE BISCUIT. Chocolate, yes, but it's a "one use only" item! Which basically means if you take a bite, it disappears. Awful use of Neopoints, much? *sniff* Oh, and don't forget the part where it hurts you; it's a BATTLE biscuit, after all.

Flame: But at least it has a multi-purpose! And how painful could a cookie get?

Kyakoy: Oh yeah? Face THE POWER OF CHOCOLATE! (runs after Flame with a Chocolate Chip Battle Biscuit)

So there you have it: the top ten best and worst chocolates in Neopia. The best of the best and the worst of the worst. Choose wisely when deciding what delicious (or not) chocolate to treat your pet with. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'd better go pull our pets apart...

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