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Life is a Cliche


by blubblub317

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Also by dan4884

Once upon a time, there lived a pink Uni named Priscilla. She was very pretty and she knew it. "I am so pretty," she said to herself. "I should get a trophy for being the prettiest!" She gasped. "I know! I should be in the Beauty Contest!" She gathered her prettiest dress, earrings, and necklace and ran out of her Neohome, letting the door slam behind her. She hoped her owner would be proud that she joined the Beauty Contest.

     As she was galloping to the Beauty Contest, she saw lots of people reading a newspaper.

     "What's going on?" she asked the nearest pet, a yellow Gelert.

     "It's the newest issue of the Neopian Times," he responded. "It's so big!"

     "Wow, I want to see!" She snatched the newspaper away from the Gelert.

     "Hey!" he shouted.

     "I'm prettier than you. I deserve it," she giggled. As she was looking through it, she saw many articles listing all sorts of goofy things. "Haha, these are so funny! Wait, no they're not," she said to herself.

     She quickly flipped through the numerous pages. Suddenly, her eyes caught the words ‘Beauty Contest’. Interested, she looked back to where she had found it and saw a title in big, bold letters: 250 Ways to Win the Beauty Contest!

     She gasped. “This could help me win! I must read it this instant!”

     All of a sudden, she felt the newspaper being snatched away from her hooves. “Get your own copy!” yelled the annoying Gelert right in her face.

     “How dare you! You should never treat a lady that way!” Priscilla exclaimed, throwing back her mane and whipping it around in the wind. Annoyed, she stomped away.

     “Great! Now how I am ever going to find that article?” she groaned, walking down the crowded streets of Neopia Central. “I need to win! It’s my... destiny!”

     “PRISCILLA!” the Uni suddenly heard a familiar voice shriek.

     Surprised, she turned around to find her owner running after her in a fit of rage. “What do you think you’re doing?!” the 13-year-old girl yelled, her fists balled-up in fury.

     “Going to the Beauty Contest!” Priscilla piped excitedly, flashing her pearly whites.

     “Oh no, you’re not! I’m sick of you running around everywhere without even asking me!” her owner shouted, attracting the attention of many passerby’s. “You’re going to the pound!”

     "The pound?" Priscilla said, beginning to cry. "I don't belong there! I'm a pretty pink Uni who deserves to win the Beauty Contest!" She struck a pose. "Aren't I pretty?"

     "No," the girl said, rolling her eyes. "You're actually one of the ugliest Unis I've ever seen. Why I ever created you, I'm not sure."

     Priscilla began to cry even more. "This isn't fair!"

     "This'll teach you not to run off, Priscilla. I'm sorry," the girl said, frowning. "Now get on all fours and take me to the Pound!”

     Priscilla complied. The crowd was watching, smirks everywhere. The Gelert was literally rolling on the ground laughing. "This is so humiliating!" Priscilla thought to herself as her owner climbed on to her back.

     "Go," she said. Priscilla set off, trotting slowly towards the Pound.

     "Faster!" her owner shouted. Priscilla broke into a run, tears streaming down her face.

     "We're here," she said after a few minutes.

     "I know that, you silly Uni," the girl said. "I have eyes. Maybe your hideous horn blocks yours."

     They entered the Pound. "Hello," the girl said to Dr_Death. "I have an annoying Uni who I want gone."

     "Very well, here are some forms to fill out so you can disown her," the Techo said.

     "Oh, I'm too busy to do these myself. Here, Priscilla, you can do it. Goodbye," she said and left the Pound.

     “Follow me,” Dr_Death grunted, walking briskly down an ominous hall filled with dirty cages.

     Priscilla whimpered, holding on to the forms in fear. She heard snarls and growls coming from the cages that were hidden in darkness.

     “This’ll be your temporary home,” said the Techo, pointing to a filthy cage in the back of the room.

     Priscilla stepped forward with caution, but felt a sudden push in the behind and found herself flying into the cage. Surprised, she stared up and saw Dr_Death quickly walking away.

     “Now my fur is all dirty,” she moaned, wiping some specks of dirt off her precious fur.

     Immediately, the first thing she noticed about her new home was the awful stench that lingered in the cramped space. There were rotten remains of eaten food everywhere, making the area feel even smaller

     Suddenly, the Uni felt something brushing against her fur. Startled, she swiveled around and found an Aisha and a Lupe crouched in the corners, both staring at her with wide, curious eyes.

     “Aaaah!” she squealed, jumping away from the two mysterious pets. “Why is it always Aishas and Lupes who end up in these tales?”

     “Thank you!” exclaimed the Aisha, rolling her eyes. “Marcus seems to constantly disagree with this.”

     “Who’s Marcus?” asked Priscilla, scrunching up her nose from the awful smell.

     “Um, who else?” the Lupe sneered, shaking his head. “Wow, Unis really are dim-witted.”

     “That is so not true!” Priscilla retorted. “We’re the most beautiful, amazi—“

     “Save it for later, honey,” grumbled the Aisha. All of a sudden, she took out a piece of cheese and started munching on it contentedly. “Mwuhaha, I loooove cheese. It’s soooo evil.”

     “...why the heck are you eating cheese, Lily?” Marcus said, slowly backing away.

     “Cheese is the coolest thing ever, I tell you! CHEESE IS EVIL!” Lily cackled, holding up the cheese high in the air. “Bow down, you weaklings!”

     "Multiple personality disorder," whispered Marcus to a frightened Priscilla.

     Priscilla looked at her roommates and began to cry. This was terrible. She was stuck in a cramped cage with an insane Aisha and a sarcastic Lupe. Could her life get any worse?

     "THE MEEPITS ARE ATTACKING!" a voice shouted from farther down the room. Priscilla groaned. She gazed out of her cage to see hundreds of Meepits rushing through the room, destroying everything in sight. Priscilla shrieked as a few Meepits crawled into her cage and began to eat the rotten leftover food. She shut her eyes tight.

     "Oh, I wish I was out of here!" she muttered over and over again.

     "We're free!" Marcus shouted suddenly. Priscilla opened her eyes and saw the Meepits had chewed through the cage. How they'd done it so quickly she wasn't sure, but she wasn't complaining. She galloped through the opening and hurried to the nearest exit. She heard Dr_Death coming and didn't want to be there when he tried to round up the escaping Neopets.

     "Now to find that issue of the Times," she said to herself when she had made it out of the pound.

     As she was running through the streets, she suddenly felt a tingling sensation in her stomach. She looked down to find her body shrinking and she shrieked.

     "What's happening?" she screamed. Priscilla heard a cackle to her right. Turning towards the sound, she found a small baby Bruce with a ray gun aimed at her.

     "Boochi!" she shouted.

     The Bruce let out a final sinister cackle and scampered off, leaving Priscilla to stand there in her new disfigured form. She stared down at her body and gasped in horror. Boochi had transformed her into a Darigan Uni!

     “My beautiful body... IT’S ALL GONE!” she wailed, drawing the stares of many bystanders.

     She ran down the street, tears falling down her atrocious face. Her whole life was ruined now. She would never be able to win the Beauty Contest looking like that!

     Looking up, she noticed a Weewoo and a Meepit glaring at each other, both standing creepily still. There was a group of pets circling them, yelling, “FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!”

     “What’s going on?” she whispered, intrigued.

     Suddenly, the Meepit shrieked, causing the ears of pets within a two-mile radius to throb in pain, and pounced on the Weewoo, its eyes filled with pure evilness. The Weewoo shielded itself with its golden paws, causing the Meepit to land on them. The Weewoo did a back roll and found itself on top of the Meepit, pinning the pink petpet against the ground.

     “3... 2... 1... AND THE WEEWOO WINS!” a spectator shouted.

     Priscilla just stood there in disbelief. A few seconds later, she decided to pretend like nothing had happened.

     As Priscilla continued to walk solemnly down the street, she heard a pet call out, “Get the newest issue of the Neopian Times now!”

     Excited, she peered through the crowds to see where the voice had come from. Finally, she found the source. It was an artsy Lupe with a blue beret plopped on his head, standing on a stack of Neopian Times issues and handing out a pile of them that were in his hands.

     “I need to get one before it's too late!” she gasped dramatically. But then, she paused. “I have to wait, though, before there’s only one left.”

     “Why?” a voice behind the Uni asked.

     She turned around to find a cute baby Kacheek standing there, with an adorable mischievous look on his face.

     “Excuse me?” she asked. She had the sudden urge to pinch the heck out of the Kacheek’s cheeks.

     “I said why?” the baby Kacheek repeated.

     “Um... do I know you?” said Priscilla, rolling her eyes and turning back her attention towards the Lupe.

     “ONLY ONE COPY OF THE NEOPIAN TIMES LEFT!” shouted the Lupe extra loudly, waving a thick copy in his hand.

     Priscilla gasped. “I must get it!”

     “Not before I do!” squealed the Baby Kacheek in excitement.

     He pushed Priscilla out of the way and began dashing in the Lupe’s direction. “No!” cried Priscilla. She started racing towards the Kacheek as fast as possible, trying to outrun him. “I have to get it before it’s too late!”

     Beads of sweet rolled down her forehead and she heaved and panted as her legs moved quicker then they ever had before. At last, she reached the Lupe, who stood there with a big smile on his face.

     “I see that you came for the Neopian Times?” he asked politely.

     Priscilla nodded, too exhausted to mutter any words.

     “Well, sorry, but a Baby Kacheek got the last copy ten minutes ago!” he continued, the stupid grin still stuck on his face.

     “Wha--?” Priscilla said in shock. “Can’t I just get one of those issues that you’re standing on? I must fulfill my destiny to become a Beauty Contest winner!”

     The Lupe began laughing hysterically. “You? A Beauty Contest winner?! Look, lady, I’ve seen pets like you, but I had to pay admission. And besides, these copies are for display only.”

     Priscilla had enough. “That’s it, you piece of cheese, get off now! Or else, I’ll get my Meepit to do some very bad things to you!” she bellowed, her eyes flashing a devilish red glow.

     The Lupe instantly stopped laughing. “M-Meepit?” he stammered, terrified. “What is it going to do to me?”

     “Let’s just say it involves cheese and a lot of bricks,” she hissed, slowly approaching the Lupe. “Understood?”

     “AAAAH!” screamed the Lupe, petrified. “Take all of them if you want!”

     He jumped off and ran away, squealing like a prissy Neo school-girl (which, in fact, do not exist).

     “Finally!” sighed Priscilla, grabbing a heavy copy of the Neopian Times. She began flipping through the pages, trying to find the article about Beauty Contest tips.

     She soon found it and started reading with excitement. But as she read the ridiculous tips, she found her heart began to ache with a sudden sadness.

     “This is what my life is all about?” she whispered, tears gathering in her eyes. “Make-up and a trophy? This is pathetic.”

     She crumpled up the issue and threw it on the street. “Are you going to pick that up?!” an angry trash-Skeith yelled behind her.

     She stopped in her tracks, blocking the path for other pets. “I’ve realized that beauty is most important when it comes from the inside,” she said to herself, her smile widening. “I’ve truly become a beautiful Uni from this transformation.”

     “Hey, google-eyes, get out of the way!” a frustrated Acara yelled from the large crowd gathering behind Priscilla.

     Priscilla ignored the angry remarks and broke out into song. “I am beautiful, even though Sloth has nicer hair! Words can’t break these horns off! No, no, no! I am beautiful, even though I never shower. ‘Cause beauty... is in the inside! Yes, it is, yes, it is...”

     **************

     “Priscilla... Priscilla wake up...” a soothing voice whispered.

     Priscilla eyes fluttered open and she saw her owner standing beside her bed, a warm breakfast lying on a golden tray. “Your pancakes are ready!”

     Priscilla swiftly sat up from her bed, realizing what had happened. “Oh golly, it was all a dream!”

     ...

     Just kidding.

The End

Blub/Dan’s Note: This story is sadly not meant to be taken seriously. If you have any feedback, feel free to send a neomail to both of us.

 
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