Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 177,714,884 Issue: 360 | 19th day of Gathering, Y10
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The Academy of Fun, Adventure, and World Domination

by mystery_island111223


“What’s the plan again?” asked Min.

      Apoc sighed. He turned to the skunk Tonu before him.

      “It’s simple!” the Christmas Bori said. “We are at the residence of Spectre, a Neopian millionaire and the greatest player in Cheat! history, excluding the hundreds of people who beat him daily. Either way, I am going to sneak into his neohome while you disarm the security system. I’ll steal his extremely expensive tuxedo and bring it back here, where we will sell it and become rich!”

      “Then we can buy faerie paint brushes, so we’ll look nice!” cried Min.

      There was a long awkward pause.

      “No,” said Apoc. “We buy powerful battledome weapons and take over Neopia! I’m going in! Wish me luck!”

      Min waved goodbye as Apoc ran off to the large neohome. He took out a piece of paper with information about Spectre’s neohome. It was at this point he realised that Spectre’s particular security system was Satellite Security, which was not only the best security system Neopia had to offer, but the whole system was in orbit, somewhere near Kreludor.

      Min contemplated this problem for a while. He decided to grab a rock and hopefully hit the satellite. The sky wasn’t that big, right? Min threw the rock straight up.

      The downside to this plan was a law that Min had sadly forgotten; things that go straight up have a tendency to go straight down again.

      The rock landed on his head, and knocked Min out.

      Min came to some time later when he heard cries coming from Spectre’s neohome. At first Min thought the cries were from Spectre, and that Apoc had succeeded. However this was sadly not the case. Spectre was saying something, however, and Min leaned closer to hear.

      “GET OUT OF MY NEOHOME, YOU ROTTEN LITTLE-!” Min could not hear any more over Apoc’s cries for help.

      Five minutes later Apoc stopped crying for help. This was because Spectre had flung him out the door.

      Min ran to help Apoc up. However, he was halted by soon halted by several creatures.

      Min gasped. These were Spectre’s Warfs, who guarded his neohome and wanted nothing more then to lick people’s faces and be their friends!

      “Run, Apoc!” cried Min.

      Apoc and Min barely escaped.

      Apoc and Min were soon back at their neohome. Apoc was panting.

      “Sorry about that. Are you okay?” asked Min.

      “I’ve never been better!” cried Apoc. “No, I wasn’t being sarcastic! That experience taught us a lot about planning ahead! That’s something we need to learn for when we take over the world!”

      “Hooray!” cried Min. “Except we sort of failed at that.”

      “I’ve been thinking about that too!” Apoc interrupted. “Min, why did our plan fail?”

      “Because we were up against advanced technology and a cunning millionaire?” asked Min.

      “No,” Apoc began. “We didn’t have enough help!”

      Min cocked his head. He was confused.

      “It’s simple!” Apoc smiled. “If there were more pets helping us who also wanted to take over the world, when the rock knocked you out, someone else could’ve disarmed the security system!”

      “The one that’s in orbit?” Min scratched his head.

      “Never mind!” Apoc yelled. “I’m going to open a training school for pets that want to take over the world! I’ll call it ‘The Academy of Fun, Adventure and World Domination’! What do you think?”

      Min realised now was a good time to keep quiet.

      Apoc posted an ad in the Neopian Times. Then he sat back, prepared for the first class, and had a large smoothie to celebrate his future success.

      Finally Monday arrived. Apoc had turned his room into a classroom, complete with Jelly Desks.

      “Is everything ready, Apoc?” asked Min.

      “That’s Principal Apoc to you!” Apoc responded. “Just for the record, you’re Professor Min. And this,” Apoc gestured to his Snow Kookith. “This is Professor Cheeky!”

      Apoc blinked. Professor Cheeky was missing.

      “Principal Apoc!” Min called from Apoc’s room. “Professor Cheeky had a snack!”

      Apoc ran into the room and gasped. Professor Cheeky had eaten the jelly desks.

      There was a knock at the door. Apoc’s owner MI emerged.

      “Apoc?” MI called. “Some pets are at the door asking for you!”

      Apoc sighed and ran to the door. This was off to a bad start.

      Apoc opened the door and saw four of his friends standing there. A blue Zafara stood at the front. Right behind him a green Hissi smiled. To the left a blue JubJub grinned shyly. At the back a Xweetok stood.

      “What’s up!” said Apoc. “I bid you welcome to The Academy of Fun, Adventure and World Domination. It’s all the things I mentioned, but mostly that last part!”

      Apoc showed his students inside.

      “These are your teachers!” he turned. “Professor Min and Professor Cheeky!”

      “Hi!” said Min.

      “Meep!” went Cheeky, in what was supposed to be a friendly greeting.

      “So let’s talk a bit about ourselves! We’ll start with you!” Apoc gestured to the blue Zafara.

      “I’m Dasher!” said Dasher. “I saw these posters at the Soup Kitchen. You said there would be food, right?”

      “Sure!” said Apoc. “And you?” He turned to the JubJub.

      “I’m Pwoof,” said Pwoof. “I’m called that because that’s the noise I make when I come in contact with anything. My owner signed me up to give me more confidence!”

      “Well, you’ll get it!” Apoc laughed. He patted Pwoof on the back. Indeed, he heard a loud ‘pwoof’ noise. “What about you?” The Hissi spoke next.

      “I’m Har!” said Har. “Min sits next to me in math class and told me about this!”

      “Great!” said Apoc. “What about you?” he asked the Xweetok.

      “I’m Mage!” said Mage. “I like the concept of making the world fear me!”

      “Cool!” said Apoc.

      “Let’s begin!” Min grinned a big phony grin. “I will teach your first class, a history of Neopian conquerors, dating back to the great Dr. Sloth himself!”

      The pets were led into Apoc’s room and sat down on the floor.

      As Min acted out the Meridell vs. Darigan war with some action figures, Apoc sat in the corner. Suddenly he heard a knock. He opened it to find his owner.

      “Hi, Apoc!” MI smiled. “I brought you and your friends some ice cream. Apoc, it’s so nice that you invited other pets over. It’s even nicer that they aren’t tied up like last time! Hello, little pets! My name’s MI. Say, Apoc, have you told them about the time you got lost in the Haunted Woods? I remember you wouldn’t leave my side for a week afterwards! You sure did cry a lot!”

      Apoc went white. He quickly pushed MI out of the doorway and slammed the door shut behind him, therefore preventing him from relating any more embarrassing stories of when Apoc was little. Fortunately the class was distracted by Min acting out a scene in which a Skarl’s Personal Guard Plushie was fighting a Darigan Skeith Plushie. The Skeith was winning.

      Apoc breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone knocked at the door again.

      This time the individual didn’t wait for Apoc to open the door. They burst in.

      Apoc sighed. It wasn’t his owner. It was his brother Jay. The pink Kyrii looked pretty angry. Behind him were Apoc’s cousins; Cirrus the cloud Xweetok, Stratus the Tyrannian Uni, Altos the mutant Kougra, and Cumulus the baby Acara.

      “What are you doing here?” Apoc asked. Behind him, Min was starting a lecture on the citizens of Neovia, and why they completely deserved getting a curse placed upon them.

      “We’re asking you to keep it down!” cried Jay. “How can I run the Academy of Fun, Adventure and World Preservation if you’re ranting about the Haunted Woods!?” Jay paused. “Say, this doesn’t have anything to do with the time you got lost in the Haunted Woods, does it?”

      “We’ll be quiet!” cried Apoc, slamming the door. Then he ran up to Min.

      “Professor Min, your class is over. It’s time for my lesson. I’m going to teach you all how to appear evil!”

      Apoc faced the class.

      “Now the trick to looking evil is to be painted the right colour!” A paw rose. “Yes, Mage?”

      “Then how come you’re painted Christmas?” asked Mage.

      “Well,” Apoc replied. “That’s a very good question that will be covered in tomorrow’s lesson!”

      Har whispered to Pwoof that tomorrow’s lesson would really be interesting.

      Suddenly ApocClone ran into the room screaming the tune for Flycatcher.

      “Hi Apoc!” he yelled. “I drank all the neocola! Man, that was a lot of sugar! MI says he doesn’t think I’ll sleep for the next four months! What do you think?!?” ApocClone was panting heavily. He then promptly ran out the door screaming about Chias.

      “Enough!” Apoc cried. “Professor Cheeky, would you care to give your lecture on how to conduct an evil plot?”

      Cheeky stepped up to the class.

      “Meep!” began Cheeky. “Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep!”

      “How do you spell meep?” asked Har.

      “Enough!” cried Apoc. This lesson was not going well. “I was going to save this for Friday’s lesson, but I’ve brought in a motivational speaker!” Apoc whistled. Cheeky ran out of the room, then came back in with a piece of rope in his mouth. The four astonished pets saw that the rope was being used as a leash. What was most surprising was that on the end of the leash was none other than the notorious faerie hunter, Balthazar.

      “Apoc!” cried Min. “What is he doing here!?”

      “I thought he could give us some tips on being evil!” Apoc smiled.

      “That rope won’t hold!” hissed Min. Min spoke the truth. Cheeky was trying to drag Balthazar to the front of the class. Balthazar, however, wanted no part in this, and was instead moving towards Pwoof, pulling Cheeky behind him. “We can’t contain Balthazar!”

      “Relax,” said Apoc. “I told him there were several faeries here he could capture!” As Apoc spoke these words, Balthazar was beginning to realize that there were no faeries to be found. So he found a substitute to capture, namely Apoc’s class.

      “Help!” cried Mage, as Balthazar advanced, growling.

      “It is a principal’s duty to ensure the safety of his students!” cried Apoc. He picked up a Yellow Snowball. “Catch!”

      As Balthazar realized exactly what Apoc had thrown at him, he changed his focus. As the evil Lupe advanced, Apoc gulped.

      “Nobody makes a fool out of me, little Bori!”

      “Actually you should refer to me as Principal Apoc!” said Apoc. He ducked. Balthazar had jumped at him.

      “Not so fast!” came a noise. Apoc opened his eyes to see Jay and the entire Academy of Fun, Adventure and World Preservation. Jay tackled Balthazar. The Lupe was surprised, and lost his footing. At that point, Cirrus hit him with a Snowball Slingshot. Stratus stunned him with a well-aimed kick.

      Balthazar looked back and forth. As he was wondering who to attack, Altos and Cumulus jumped onto his back and began biting his ears.

      Before he could retaliate, everyone jumped at him. While getting blasted with various weapons, Balthazar decided to make his escape, and ran out the front door.

      As he heard the pets laughing behind him, the Lupe turned.

      “I’ll get you, little Bori!” he cried. “You haven’t heard the last of me!” Suddenly his eyes widened when he saw what was approaching him.

      It was a bunch of stray Warfs who wanted nothing more then to lick his face and be his friend!

      Everyone cheered.

      “Wow, Jay, that was amazing!” cried Apoc. “Thank you so much! Here, have this Fruity Fondue as my thanks!”

      “No problem! The Academy of Fun, Adventure and World Preservation is dedicated to preserving the world! You’re part of the world too, after all!” Jay took a bite of the Fruity Fondue and screamed. He felt around through the dessert and found an electrical mote. Apoc was rolling around on the floor laughing.

      “That’s another tip!” Apoc said to the class. “Electrical motes are great gags!”

      Soon it was time to leave. Jay changed the name of his neoschool to The Academy of Fun, Adventure and Apoc’s Elimination and Apoc was saying goodbye to his students.

      “So will you be back tomorrow?” he asked the four remaining pets.

      “What?” asked Mage. “The teachers played with toys and didn’t speak our language.The special guest speaker was a monster. We didn’t even get the free food we were promised!”

      “So you’ll be coming back then?” asked Apoc.

      “See you tomorrow!” she replied.

The End

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