Stand behind yer sheriff Circulation: 176,283,131 Issue: 350 | 3rd day of Swimming, Y10
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White Weewoos: The Truth


by neogal_anu

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The White Weewoo. A symbol that has been associated with the Neopian Times for eons. Every single Neopian Times writer would know about this little, seemingly innocent white petpet, the mascot of Neopia’s weekly newspaper, a treasure trove of beautiful, witty and fantastic writing.

However, none of us know if the White Weewoo is really what it appears to be. It’s innocent, little, and would make a lovely addition to Neopia’s numerous galleries, pets, and other collections. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t another side to the White Weewoo. And in this very special issue, Issue 350, I shall explain the truth about the White Weewoo.

Take the case of the Neopian Times Writer avatar, for instance. The one that’s awarded to the writers who are published in every 50th edition of the newspaper. (Again, the special issue itself features the Weewoo.) In my opinion, it provides shocking proof of the White Weewoo’s true colours. My readers, you must be angry at my accusation, but yes, it is true.

Take a good look at the avatar first. It features a White Weewoo, quill in hand, writing on an old, ancient-looking piece of parchment.

Look closely at the Weewoo’s face. It seems to be smiling. But take a closer look. Is it really a smile that it sports? If you look very, very carefully, you’ll notice that it doesn’t really have a definite expression on its face. See? What could it mean? I assure you, it most likely means that the Weewoo is plotting to take over Neopia by assuming full control of the Times. Just look at it. Doesn’t it look like it’s writing down its plans for world domination? If avatars had audio, I’m sure you’d hear a shrill ‘Muahahaha!’ coming from it. (Hint, hint TNT!)

That’s not all. The look in its eyes is the ultimate proof of its evilness. They say that the eyes are the window to the mind, and it’s true in this case. The evil glint in its eye, the look on its face, cleverly masked so that it isn’t suspected...

You might say, ‘Hey, they’re so cute! They can’t be evil at all!’ Well, my dear readers, that’s the very reason why they’re evil. Looks can be very, very deceiving, you know. The very purpose of the Weewoo being cute is that people will want it more and more. The Weewoo will be loved by all, and no one will ever suspect it of being evil, even a tiny bit evil...

The cuter Weewoos are, the more people will want them. And more Weewoos mean more chances of them succeeding in world domination. See? It’s simple logic, really. But no, nobody will ever suspect the Weewoo, the cute Neopian Times mascot of being a shrewd plotter...

Who knows what the Weewoo is writing on the parchment? Trying to mess up Neopia’s archives? Writing a letter to Dr Frank Sloth? Planning to overthrow the Editorial team of the Times? I suggest you take a microscope and examine it very closely...

If you view the White Weewoo’s item description, you might notice a very interesting thing.

“Named after the rather haunting melody it makes. At dusk a chorus of Weee... Woo... fills Krawk Island.”

Now, why would this cute petpet make a haunting melody? See the use of the word ‘haunting’? I tell you, readers, the White Weewoo’s melody not only mesmerizes you, but slowly begins to hypnotise you... until you lose your senses and are completely under its control. See?

And who knows whether the Weewoo is acting on its own or not? It might be controlled by our dear friend, Dr Frank Sloth, who, after his rather humiliating defeat in the Return of Dr Sloth plot, was rather disappointed with his high-tech Virtupets devices, and might have decided to employ a small white petpet instead...

And we have our wonderful Dark faerie, Jhudora. She might have decided that she needs White Weewoos, whose haunting melodies would attract unsuspecting souls to the dark corners of her lair...

If you take a look at the Neopian Times White Weewoo Plushie, which was a prize given to the writers who were published in the special issues 200 and 250 of the Times, it has the same haunting expression on its face as the Neopian Times Writer avatar. The item description says: “This adorable little Weewoo has a quill tucked under its wing!”

See the contrast? The Weewoo itself has the word ‘haunting melody’ in its description, but the Plushie has the word ‘adorable’ in its description. Why would the Plushie be made ‘adorable’? Remember I explained why the Weewoo has an advantage because it is considered cute? Yes, it is for the same reason that the Weewoo Plushie is termed ‘adorable’. It would encourage collectors to buy the Plushie and put it in their galleries, the writers who won the Plushie would try to sell it. Either way, it would increase the amount of Weewoo-themed items in Neopia. And aid their quest of world domination.

The danger doesn’t stop there. All of you can very well understand how devastating it’d be if the Weewoo joined hands with some of the... erm, adorable folks in the Gallery of Evil. World domination? No, more like tragedy, destruction, sorrow, misery...

That is more than adequate proof against the White Weewoo’s innocence, in my opinion. I hope that every Neopian reading this article has now realised the threat posed by the White Weewoo. So what would the solution be? Getting rid of all the White Weewoos? No, because I happen to adore them myself. The key is keeping them under control. Never let them away from your pet, gallery, deposit box, or wherever it is that you’re keeping them. If they try to hypnotise you with their haunting melody, I have heard that the game music from Meepit Juice Break really helps in neutralizing the effect.

And with that, I end this little safety message. Have a very happy Issue 350, and do keep those Weewoos under control!

Author’s disclaimer: The author of this article is not responsible for any wrath incited in White Weewoos after reading this article. Also, the author doesn’t claim responsibility for any damage to the reader’s gallery, inventory, or Neohome caused due to said wrath of any White Weewoos they might have in their possession.

 
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