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Common Misconceptions: The Snowager

by visorak_commander


"Come on, guys! Let's go rob an eighty-foot long ice snake at the risk of exceeding our thresholds for pain! We can get some keyrings!"

Maybe you've never said that to your friends, but that's what you try to do every time you venture in the Snowager's Lair when he's sleeping. Still, this article isn't about the treasures you can steal from him, but rather something you all hate talking about: morals.

Seriously; before I get into a long, unnecessarily insulting and explanatory rant, I'd like to say something completely to the point: why are people so stupid as to try to steal from someone or something like the Snowager? I mean, sure, everybody's basically a moron, but how idiotic can you get? Well, I guess the rest of this will obviously be covering that. First, let's discuss how it all began.

Several hundred or even thousand years ago, the Snowager was a wanderer: traveling all over Neopia, discovering new places and gathering treasure and trinkets alike from all over the place. He made a few friends and enemies here and there, and when he came to an apparently dire time in his life, those enemies fought him into the caves of Terror Mountain. There, he valiantly fought the siege off with help from allies he had gathered from all over; through those events he had brought his vast, seemingly endless treasures to the caves he had defended.

All but one of those caves were finally completely looted, leaving only the treasure in what we now all know as the Snowager's Lair. There he still lives today, where from other looters and thieves all of Neopian society has learned that it's perfectly okay to steal from a big white snake that could eat them alive in a moment. Now, before you go assuming that I made all of that up for the sake of this article, just remember that you have no proof I didn't get all of that information from TNT itself. Why, perhaps they'll even put a note at the bottom of this article saying that it's completely historically accurate. Uh... right.

So, why do people rob the Snowager? Simple: he has treasure, some of it very valuable. Most everyone wants to make a lot of Neopoints, and some items that the Snowager has are worth a lot; not most, but some, and that's enough for him to be the target of huge-scale robbery.

Of course, most of you probably believe I'm some crazy person who follows a set of rules for life and take everything too seriously, but think about this: is it okay to steal from the Snowager because you can? Yes, you have the opportunity to do so every day, but perhaps TNT implemented that to see whether or not you'd be able to resist. You can't, of course, and so have convinced yourself that it's all right just because everyone else is doing it.

For an illustration of my point, I'd like to present a little story of mine. Once upon a time in Neopia Central, there lived two neighbors who were good friends. One of them was a very nice person, the kind of Neopian who would lend all he had to his friends for an avatar. The other wasn't so nice, though; he was a very greedy person who wanted all of the pricey items his neighbor had, but he didn't want to ask for them and be lawful, so he planned to steal them all. One day, when the good neighbor left his house to go off to his job at the Plushie Tycoon management office, the bad neighbor broke into his friend's Neohome and stole every valuable item he could find. When the good neighbor came home he was shocked to see that he had been robbed, and he never, ever suspected his neighbor that he thought was a good friend of his.

While ignoring the fact that it's legal to steal from the Snowager and not from your neighbors, not to mention that the good neighbor surely reported the theft to the Defenders of Neopia, who managed to figure out that the bad neighbor was the thief so that he didn't get away with it in the end, the story is actually a good representation of stealing from the Snowager. Suppose that you're the bad neighbor and that the Snowager is the good one, while also ignoring the fact that the Snowager probably doesn't consider anyone his friend and would never lend anything to anyone after so many robberies; just think about how awful you'd feel after stealing from someone who always thought of you as a friend. Of course, you'd never do that to your real neighbors because it's not lawful and quite immoral, not to mention that you'd probably feel like shoe scum after the theft. Okay, so maybe the story isn't so great a representation; let's move on.

We all know the consequences of not getting away with a robbery of the Snowager; your Neopet or Neopets get dozens of sharp, pointy icicles blasted into their behinds, and you hurl back a few choice words at the Snowager. But, you've got to ask; why doesn't he just kill everyone who enters his lair, besides this site being G/PG-rated? Well, I'll put it bluntly: he's the better person. Despite thieves assaulting his home millions of times a day, he sticks to his morals and only physically assaults the intruders on a scale to send them scurrying away. He's better than you, in other words.

"So what does this article have to do with misconceptions?" you ask, if you're really bothering to use your brain at all. Actually, it's not too hard to figure out: I'm telling people that just because you can rob the Snowager, you shouldn't, because everyone thinks it's okay; that's the misconception. It's evil, bad, wrong, disgraceful, horrible, awful, terrible, ruthless, careless and one hundred percent dishonorable.

So, I guess that about wraps up what I wanted to say. So, to try to hammer it into your head one more time: don't rob the Snowager just because you can; that's an important lesson for everyone to learn. And whatever you do, DON'T think that I, the ranter, would ever do exactly what I'm preaching against because I, too, like the shiny items he possesses. What kind of hypocritical, horrible person would I be if I did that? Anyway, since it's two o' clock now, I think it's time for me to be going. Bye.

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